Mere Words

Prologue

"Don't be too sad."

He smiled at me like what he always does. That smile. That warming smile I will always look for when I'm this sad. The smile that makes everything alright. How can I ever let that go?

"P-pero iiwan mo na rin ako. Bakit? Can't you stay?"

Humawak ako sa mga braso niya ng mahigpit. Baka sakaling hindi siya maglaho kung gagawin ko ito. I can't accept this. Ba't parang ang bilis naman?

"Parting is part of life. People come and go, but God don't. Thus, you have to relay more on Him than with others. Iyon ang rason kung bakit niya ako dinala sa 'yo. Kung bakit tayo pinagtagpo. Kaya wag mong kakalimutan. When you put all your trust to Him, and you love Him more than any of His creations, then you won't have to worry about everything. Hinding-hindi ka mag-iisa." He patted my head.

"B-but isn't it too early? I-I just can't let you go right now. Can't He give us more time? Ngayon pa lang kita lubusang nakilala."

Para na akong batang iiwanan ng ina para mag-abroad. Kung pwede ay naglumpasay na ako sa pag-iyak. Mas lalo lang akong naiyak nang marahan niyang haplusin ang aking buhok.

"Indeed, humans will never be ready for partings." He let out a soft laugh, na para bang may isang bagay siyang napatunayan.

"If it's not now, then when?" seryoso niyang tanong sa akin. Ako naman ay bahagyang natigil sa naging tanong niya. I tried to think for a response, but I got none.

If it's not now, then when? When will I be ready to let him go? Or will I ever be ready?

"Humans will never be ready for partings," ulit niya, "even more with death. Alam mo kung bakit? Because it is really not about being ready or how ready you are for what is about to happen. It is about acceptance. Only by then you can let go or learn to live with it."

I stopped crying and paid more focus to his words. Mga salitang hinding-hindi ko kakalimutan. Mga salitang kakapitan ko at babalikan pag gusto kong makita ulit siya.

"Do that for yourself. Accept what happened to your life. Let go of all your doubts, hatreds, fears, and pain that are keeping you away from living. Learn to love God. Learn to be more trustful of Him. Only He can save you from your own doom, not me nor anybody else." Para siyang isang ama na pinagsasabihan ang makulit na anak. His eyes were shouting of gentleness. But I saw pain crossing it.

Sunod-sunod naman ang pagtango na ginawa ko. Para akong tuta na maamong nakikinig sa instructions ng amo niya. Muling namuo na naman ang mga luha sa aking mga mata nang makita ang unti-unting paglalaho ni Garius sa harap ko.

"We shall see each other again. But good bye for now... Laurisia."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa narinig. He called me by my name! Not as Gretchen, but as Laurisia, my full name! He knew me!

Huli na para makita niya ang pagtatanong sa mukha ko. Huli na para maibato ko sa kaniya ang tanong na bumabagabag sa akin ngayon. He's gone. He has became my source of hope. He was my home... But he's gone.