Mere Words

Chapter 7

Ilang minuto na rin ata ang dumaan noong umalis sila. Pero heto ako't nakatitig parin sa pintuan. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. I don't know but the moment the blue eyed man walked away, parang may gumuho sa kaloob-looban ko. I felt left behind. I felt so alone... once again.

Ngunit ang lungkot na dumaan sa kalamnan ko ay unti-unting napawi ng mga maiinit na palad na nakahawak sa magkabilang balikat ko. Nakasando lang ako kaya damangdama ko ang init na nag-ra-radiate mula rito.

I blushed. Nakakahiya. I should pushed his palms away because my delicate skin felt sore from his warmth. Pero hindi ko magawa, because I feel pleasure along with the pain. God Laurie! Kailan ka pa natutong mag-isip ng ganito?!

"Are you okay?" he whispered near my ears na mas lalong nagpa-init sa mukha ko.

I was fighting with myself inwardly until I had the courage to remove his palms and face him. Nahihiya akong aminin na nadismaya ako the moment his warmth was gone.

"Y-yeah," simpleng tugon ko. I tried to look at him pero hindi ko kaya ang intensidad ng titig niya, that's why I stayed looking down at my fingers while I was fiddling it. I tend to do this when I'm nervous.

"Laurie?"

God, even my name sounded so perfect from his lips.

"Are you sure you're okay? Namumula ka?"

"Huh?!"

Hinawakan ko ang mukha ko at tila napaso ako sa init na nagmumula rito. Pinilit kong itaas ang paningin ko sa kaniya kahit na feeling ko nalulunod ako sa lalim ng titig niya. His eyes was beautiful. There's something in it na para bang sinusubukan nitong pasukin ang kaloob-looban ng kung sino mang tinititigan nito.

"Oo naman!" I said cheerfully with a smile.

"Okay." Nagsimula siyang maglakad patungo sa kama. Habang naglalakad siya palayo sa akin ay nakatingin naman ako sa malapad niyang balikat, thinking of ways that I could hug him from the back. Iba na 'to. Laurie, snap out of it!

"Now, why don't you try to sleep again? To rest gaya ng sabi rin ng mga kaibi-"

"No!"

Kunot na nuo at nagtatanong na mga mata ang iginawad niya sa akin ng tumingin pabalik.

"K-kasi ano. Kasi kakatulog ko lang naman. Oo, yun nga!" I don't know if he was the one I was convincing with my words or myself.

"Baka 'di na ako antokin niyan mamaya. Hehe." Ngiting-ngiti ako sa kaniya habang nasa likuran ko ang mga kamay ko at pinaglalaruan ito.

Hindi siya sumagot. Nanatili siyang nakatitig sa akin. Ngunit ilang sandali rin ay bumuntong hininga siya at tumango.

"Teka nga pala. 'Yung kanina, ano. Bakit? 'Yung." Hindi ko matapos-tapos ang sasabihin ko dahil sa kaba. Grabe naman kasi siyang makatitig! Nakakakaba.

Umupo siya sa paanan ng kama at ibinalik ang mga tingin sa akin.

"What?" Mapaglarong ngiti ang nakasilay sa mga labi nito.

"Kasi... Nevermind."

I just can't find the right words to say. Kaya 'wag na lang. Sa ngayon, ang pinoproblema ko ay kung ano ba ang dapat na gawin ko para mawala 'yung awkwardness sa ambience. Iginala ko na lang ang paningin ko sa loob ng kwarto, sinusubukan na ibaling ang atensyon baka sakaling mawala ang kaba na dulot ng mga titig niya. Para naman akong nasa pageant nito!

"I'm different." Napukaw ng mga salitang iyon ang atensyon ko.

"No one can see me except you. Because I'm here... just for you." His soothing words, warm smile, and gentle eyes were too much. Naiiyak ako. Oo, siguro nga ang babaw para sa iba. But for someone like me who's been seeking for care, this mean so much. Even mere words could make my dark life lightened. I'm not overreacting. No one is overreacting. It's just that everyone has different capacity of holding emotions.

"Bakit?" Naluluha akong nakatingin sa kaniya na ngayon ay naglalakad patungo sa akin.

He gave me his warm smile again. Inayos niya ang ilang takas na hibla ng buhok ko at ibinalik sa akin ang nag-iingat na mga titig.

"To remind you of God's love. To remind the mankind of the goodness despite the chaoses in every side of the world. God never left you. You just have to reach out for Him."

Am I this sad for God to sent me this man? Am I that far away from Him, unknowingly? Tuluyan ng bumuhos ang luha ko. You know that feeling when you finally found someone that could understand you? It's overwhelming that it just makes you cry so hard. Because finally you found the light after so many murky and stormy nights.

"Who are you...really?"

His warm smile never left his lips. I wonder when will it last? Just thinking of it squeezes my heart.

"I am Garius. You're guardian angel."

---

We've been walking here for I don't know how many minutes or hours. Basta namalayan ko na lang na naglalakad na kami sa gilid ng shore. Hinahayaan kong liparin ng hangin ang mahaba at curly kong buhok, habang dinadama ang bawat hampas ng alon sa aking mga paa.

The silence between us wasn't deafening. It was the kind of silence na kahit walang maririnig, ramdam mo na kung ano ang maaring ipahiwatig .

I've been fiddling my fingers. Oo. Gulat pa rin ako sa nalaman ko. It's 21st century already! Guardian angels are nothing but legend.

I was never a believer of any creation that hasn't been proven by science. Yes, you can say that I was an atheist. Para sa akin, the goodness in humanity is God itself. There was no supreme being. It was just a concept made to maintain the equilibrium of life. To hold on for someone when everything is pulling us down. It was merely made to fool ourselves with hope. Because the truth is everything was predetermined already. Everything wasn't miracles nor destinies but coincidences. But that was before, not until I met this angel walking beside me. My guardian angel.

"You're tensed. Why?"

Napabaling ako sa kaniya at nakapinta sa mukha ko ang pagtatanong.

"As your guardian angel, it's my job to protect you from any harm that wasn't supposed to be in your fate. And in order to do so, I am capable of feeling it when you're in danger or simply scared," mahinahon na tugon niya habang nasa malayo ang tingin.

Napatigil ako mula sa paglalakad at nakatuon ang buong atensyon sa kay Garius. Everything about him is damn perfect. From his ideal height, his well-toned physical figure, his breathtaking face, his manly voice, and his rough yet soft facial expression.

Napansin niya ata na tumigil ako kaya tumigil din siya. The moment he looked back at me, I felt my heart beating so fast. Parang lumiwanag ang paligid. Tanging siya lang ang nakikita ko. And when he smiled, I found myself breatheless. This guardian angel could be the death of me.