Mere Words

Chapter 5

"My God, what happened to you? Sabi ni Manang, nakita ka raw niyang nakahandusay. Are you feeling any pain?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Mama. Kunot ang nuo at masasalamin ang pag-aalala sa kaniyang mga mata.

Hinawakan ko ang dalawang kamay niya na humahawak sa leeg at noo ko na dinadama kung mainit ba ako. I gave her a small smile to assure her that I'm fine. "Okay lang ako Ma. Really."

"By the way Ma, why are you here po? Don't you have work at the hospital?"

Tinitigan ako ni Mama at sinipat ang ekspresyon ko. "Darling, nagtatampo ka ba sa amin ng Papa mo? Look-"

"Hindi po Mama. I-I'm just uh- not used to see you around p-po." I thought of words to make it sound like I was not hiding any grudge towards them, pero mukhang ganoon pa rin ang dating para kay Mama nang magbuntong-hininga siya.

Marahan niyang hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat ko. "I'm sorry kung nawawalan na kami ng oras ng Papa mo sa 'yo-"

"No, Ma! Uhm, I'm okay po. Really, I understand," and I smiled, trying to hide what I really felt. I was trying so hard to restrain myself from ranting. I am so hypocrite. A great pretender.

I was astonished with my mother's warmth when she caressed my face. "Laurie, I'm your mother and a mother knows when her child isn't okay. Please, no matter how busy I am, don't hesitate to reach for me when you need someone. You might think that you are less important, but always remember that my success and my everything will be nothing without you." Hindi ko man lang malalaman na lumuluha na pala ang mga mata ko kung hindi pa pinunasan ni Mama ang mukha ko. She embraced me, and that was when I burst into tears.

"Mama," mahinang sambit ko. Niyakap ko si Mama ng mahigpit pabalik. The warmth of her hug brought relief into my system. Na parang may mabigat na nakadagan sa puso ko na biglang naalis. Na para akong bagong panganak.

"I love you, dear." Those words were enough to made my day. Sapat na rin 'yun para maiwaksi ko ang mga negative thoughts na nakalakip sa akin sa for the past days.

Ewan ko kung wala bang pasyente si Mama sa araw na 'yun o pinakansela niya lahat ng kaniyang dapat trabauhin para samahan ako. I tried to convince her that I was fine and she needed not to worry. Alam ko kasi na mas importante ang mga kailangan niyang trabauhin sa ospital. But she insisted that we should hang out for the day. So what we did was a movie marathon. She wanted us to go on an overnight trip but I refused because she has work for tomorrow and I have school as well to attend. So yeah, it was just a night for a movie marathon where it was filled with heartfelt laughters. But just this morning, Mama was gone to the hospital like always. But my heart wasn't as heavy as before. Ang gaan-gaan nga ng pakiramdam ko. I felt like I was so loved and special.

"Oh, Ms. Mallari? Good to see you again. Wala kayong pasok? Ang aga mo atang nagpunta rito?" nakangiting tanong ni Mrs. Santos sa akin nang masilayan ako.

"Gano'n na nga po," nakangiting sagot ko rin.

"O sige lang hija, suki ka na naman rito sa library. Teka, anong libro 'yan?"

Napadako ang tingin ko sa librong hawak ko na tinitingnan rin ni Mrs. Santos. Nagdadalawang isip ako kung iaabot ko sa kaniya o susubukang ibaling ang atensyon niya. Alam kong may hiwaga kasi rito sa librong ito, at takot akong malaman ng iba. I haven't had experienced it that much. I still have to unlock the magical mystery within this. Pero bago ko man maitago ay inilahad na ni Mrs. Santos ang kaniyang palad upang abutin ang libro.

"Maari ko bang makita?"

I was hesitant as I handed over to her the book. Gusto ko pa sanang agawin pabalik pero ayon at manghang-mangha na niyang iniinspeksyon ang bawat detalye ng libro.

"Hindi ko pa nakikita ang librong ito ah. Dito mo ba ito nahiram?"

"Ah, hindi po. That's my o-own book." Mahigpit kong pinagdaop sa aking likuran ang aking mga kamay. Pilit itinatago ang tensyon na nararamdaman mula sa pag-si-sinungaling ko. I didn't know why I was like this. Ayoko lang na may makaalam sa hiwaga ng libro.

"As expected from a book worm like you. I wonder who wrote and published this. Walang nakalagay." Naguguluhan akong tiningnan ni Mrs. Santos.

"A-ah kasi po, it wasn't actually p-published formally. K-kakilala ko lang 'yung writer po niyan and s-she wanted me to read it first p-para raw po sana ma-critique ko," I reasoned out tensely. Tango lang ang itinugon ni Mrs. Santos sa akin.

Labis ang kabang naramdaman ko nang simulang buklatin ni Mrs. Santos ang libro. Para akong nahuling may ginawang masama. My palms were all sweaty. God, pati na rin kili-kili at singit ko! Pero mas nabigla ako sa nakita. Hindi dahil may ilaw na naman na sumabog mula sa libro, kundi dahil walang kahit anong ilaw na lumabas rito. As if it was just an ordinary book. Mga maliliit na letra lang ang nakikita ko habang binubuklat-buklat ni Mrs. Santos ito. I snatched the book unconsciously from her hold and was stunned to saw nothing but small letters.

Asan na 'yung ilaw?! Was that my imagination? Hindi! Imposible. Everything felt so real! It can't be. I have to see him once more.

"Laurie, okay ka lang?"

Natigil ang pangingig ko nang hawakan ako ni Mrs. Santos.
"H-ha? Ah, opo."

"Ba't ka naiiyak, hija? May nasira ba ako sa libro?" nag-aalalang tanong niya. Mariin akong umiling, dahil wala naman talaga siyang kasalanan. I can't just believe na naiiyak nga ako over it.

"W-wala po. S-sige po Mrs. Santos, ah, sa canteen na lang siguro po muna ako tutungo," magalang na wika ko sa kaniya na mukha pa ring nag-aalala at guilty.

I took a look at the book cheerless. And yet, no ball of light blew out from it like the first time.