Mere Words

Chapter 12

Misyon? Anong misyon?

"S-sorry, but can you explain things to me? Wala akong maalala na nakausap ko ang d-diyos," naguguluhan kong tanong.

Is there even a God?

May kaunting takot na nabuhay sa kaloob-looban ko nang makita ko ang seryosong ekspresyon ni Garius.

"Hanggang ngayon pa rin ba hindi ka naniniwala?"

I looked down and replied, "N-naniniwala."

"You're hesitating, Gretchen. That means you still don't believe in Him."

I wanted to face him bravely and tell him that I really do. After all the mysteries happening in my life, somehow I am starting to believe that there may be a God. Pero totoo ring nagdadalawang-isip ako. Ibig sabihin ba non hindi pa rin ako naniniwala sa Kaniya?

"I'm sorry if I'm scaring you. Hindi ko ibig na madaliin ka. Take your time. He's always there waiting for you, anyway."

I returned my gaze at him and was glad to see his warm smile plastered on his face again.

"Pero gusto ko rin talagang maniwala, Garius. I-I just can't bring myself to believe in Him this fast. Pero gusto ko talagang manampalataya!" I could feel tears forming in my eyes after blurting those out. My heart was beating fast.

I felt so bad about myself. Tama ba na ang Diyos pa ang pinaghihintay ko? Pero kahit anong pilit ko rin kasi sa sarili ko, hindi ko maiwaksi ang maliit na pagdududang nasa akin. Pagdududa na nakasama ko sa matagal na panahon.

"It's okay, Gretchen. He understand. He is the all-knowing and the most merciful. He understand."

"Pero p-paano ko magagampanan ang misyong sinsabi mo k-kung may pagdududa ako?" Pinunasan ko ang tumakas na luha sa aking nga mata.

Garius walked back to me and patted my head.

"Ikaw ang pinili niya, kaya naniniwala akong magagawa mo."

I looked up at him.

"Your missions will come to you on their own. You don't have to worry. I know you can do it."

I tried to read his eyes, but all I could see was unending brightness.

"Oh my God, Gretchy babe! What kind of terrorism are you committing in the name of fashion?!"

Gulat akong napabaling ng tingin sa bagong dating na babae. Siya yung kulot na kasama nung grupo. She was eyeing me from head to toes at para bang hindi makapaniwala.

"When ka pa naging jologs? OMG, this can't be!" Niyog-yog pa niya ang mga balikat ko.

"T-teka, nahihilo ako," alma ko.

"Oh? Sorry, sorry! I just can't believe you lang talaga. I mean, no offense ha babe, but you look blah!"

Nakapamaywang siya habang pabalik-balik na tinitingnan ang suot ko ng may disgusto. I scanned her outfit and was in awe. Kaya naman pala. She was slaying a spaghetti strapped crop tops and a black skinny jeans matched with high heels and a chanel black sling bag. 'Di ba nananakit paa niya jan?

"If that Zia witch see you today, haynaku, she'll make chismis about you na naman!" She rolled her eyes.

"Kaka-change ko pa naman ng nail color. I can't do sabunutan if ever. Ugh, you palit na nga lang! I have spare clothes in my car!"

Walang ano-ano ay hinila niya ako pabalik sa kung saan kami galing kanina nong Geoffe, papuntang parking.

"T-teka, okay lang naman 'to."