Reunion

Chapter Twenty-Four

~Brian's Point of View~

Jealousy is denominated as a bitter attitude. Many people experience it every day, but not many pauses to analyze and consider the viewpoint effects of life. It starts off as a troublesome feeling that grows little by little. The common impression of jealousy is a negative one, because it's a complex emotion that can be harmful in many ways, if it's taken too seriously. If the feeling persists, it can turn for the worst.

Dating many women in my life gave me the sense of security that I was completing the job of a great boyfriend, which no doubt they liked. Michelle became my best friend before we were officially a couple. No hints of this emotion struck while we dated, so I did not understand why things were different now.

I was crazy about Lillian, and even the guys gave me a hard time about it. They were all happy for us, but teasing was part of their brotherly love.

I was not jealous!

Was I?

Yes, I was!

In our many nights' conversations, I learned that Jeff and Lilian were particularly good friends in high school. He was her first boyfriend. Knowing that she was going to spend a Saturday night with him made me feel uneasy, but I didn't understand why. If we were together as a couple, it meant that trust was involved. Why was I jealous?

In deep thought, I kept looking at the phone in my hands. I forgot for a second that I was in a room with the rest of the guys. We were in San Diego, California. We were conducting some interviews as part of our trip since we were almost done with the new album. When the meetings were over, the guys and I decided to head back to the hotel.

As we rode in a limousine, Matt snapped me from my thoughts, "Hey Bri, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, man," I replied, giving him a nodding gesture as reassurance.

"We should head to the bar tonight. I could drink after a long day doing only interviews," Johnny said, suggesting our next plan. I could use some relaxation, as well. I didn't want to think about Lillian hanging with Jeff anymore. Once we arrived, we walked straight to the bar. It was packed since it was one of the most popular hotels in San Diego. We didn't want to be the attention of the crowd, so we agreed to relax in one of the private booths that were located on the second story of the place.

After I sat down on the sofa, a young and beautiful slender bartender asked for our order. At one point in my life, I would be in my flirty mode talking to the blonde, but since I was with Lilian, all I thought was about her curvaceous body against mine. Her soft curves drove me insane, and she was merely perfect inside and out.

I smiled because I was happy with her. I trusted her. Why was I jealous?

The bartender gave us our first round of beers. Johnny and Zack were in a conversation with our manager as Arin flirted with some of his latest conquests. Matt and I sat next to each other.

"I need a smoke. Can I talk to you about something?" I asked my best friend, who nodded his head, standing up. We walked to a more private area where we could talk better. It was also a spot where smoking was permitted. I grabbed a cigarette from my box. With a match, I lit it.

Inhaling and exhaling the addictive stick, I wondered how I was going to ask Matt about my current situation.

"I am only telling you this because you might be in the same situation as me, and I don't want the guys to tease me about it," I stated, making Matt look at me with a confused expression.

"I love you, man, but I don't swing that way," he joked, making look at him for a moment. After a while, not understanding what he meant, I finally got what he was saying. I laughed.

"I am serious, man," I tilted, and Matt nodded his head.

"I was talking to Lilian on the phone, and she mentioned that she is going to hang out with Anna and their friend Jeff on Saturday. I think they are going clubbing or something," I explained.

"Yes, I know. Anna told me," Matt replied.

"I figured. The thing is... I feel..." I remarked before Matt interrupted me, "You are jealous."

"I don't even want to ask how you know that, but yes. I am jealous, and I don't know why," I gulped.

"Brian, it's obvious. We all noticed way before you did. Can't you see? You are in love with her, man," Matt said in a matter of fact tone. I liked Lilian. I was crazy about her, I was slowly falling for her, but I did not think I was utterly in love with her yet.

"No, man. It doesn't make sense. I loved Michelle, and I was never jealous of her."

"Brian, you and Michelle were best friends than an actual couple. Yes, you loved her, but deep inside, you knew, you were never in love with her."

His words were like a slap in the face because he was right. Michelle and I were more friends than anything else. We didn't work out because further than friendship, our relationship deteriorated instantly. I loved her, but I was never in love with her.

Lilian was everything I thought about. Her personality, her curves, her passion were things that I admired about her in such a compelling manner. Matt was right. I was jealous because I was in love with her.

Why couldn't I figure that on my own? Because jealousy is a nasty and negative emotion that sometimes triumphs over love. I wasn't going to let anything or anybody get in the middle of our relationship. I trusted her. She trusted me. I needed to tell her how I truly felt. She needed to know that I was in love with her. She was mine. I was hers.

Smiling, I gave Matt a brotherly hug before I walked up to my room. I sat on the edge of the bed. Dialing up her number on my phone, I smiled. I could not tell her over the phone, but I made a promise I was going to say goodnight.

Answering the phone, her voice gave me goosebumps. "Hello, beautiful," I greeted.

"Brian, is everything okay? When we spoke earlier, you sounded off, and I didn't like it one bit," she said, making me open my eyes widely. I didn't realize that she had noticed my sudden change in mood.

"Baby, I am sorry about that. It was not your fault. I had some things on my mind, but it has nothing to do with you, beautiful. I called to say goodnight and to apologize. I am crazy about you, and I want you to know that. I can't wait to see you and be with you again. I've missed you like crazy, and I think that's stressing me out. Please, forgive me," I pleaded.

"I miss you, and you know I am crazy about you too. I hope we are okay because feeling uneasy is not a good thing," Lillian, confessed, making me a little guilty about my behavior.

"I am going to make it up to you. The first thing I am going to do when I get back is to cook you a meal and show you exactly how sorry I am for making you feel like that. I promise," I expressed, getting a giggle from my girlfriend, which made me smile.

We continued our conversation until it was time to hang up. Lillian seemed in a better mood, which made me happier. I needed to tell her that I was in love with her and soon. Thinking about it made me grin from ear to ear. I knew she was the one for me, and that was something that she needed to know as well.