Everywhere

Offerings

DEMIR POV

My eyes started at the movie, and though I tried to resist them at first, somewhere along they found their way back to her. She was fully concentrated watching the film that would not notice my shameless staring. The movie would play in the screen for her, and her emotions would play in her face for me; she would laugh, she would smile, she would pout, and I found myself wanting to laugh when she did, to smile when she did and even to pout when she did. In her face I could see a rollercoaster of emotions in every change of scenes, and I was living my own only by staring at her.

The sky went from soft orange to soft blue, the twilight casting shadows on her face, the darker it would get, the more intimate this moment felt. The light from the film allowed me to still see the softness of her skin, my fingers itched to touch her. She was beautiful, I knew that from the moment I saw her for the first time, and ever since then I have been trying to ignore it.

How do I ignore the beauty of someone who was beautiful in every moment, in every way? The less she tried the more she was, the easier it was for me to get trapped in her.

That being so, I resigned myself to building walls so to keep her away... but then her smile would come my way only to tear them down; If I tried with stronger walls, then she would come in with a laugh like music to my soul, leaving me to pick up the pieces again; If I tried again, with more and better walls, prepared for her smiles and her laughs, It would be her eyes that undid me, trapping me in them, and only releasing me when I was left without trace of walls, without foundations and with my bare heart in my hands.

With no more options, I would just end up running away...

Her gaze drifted to Aslı, who I knew was peacefully sleeping for a while now, her fingers were softly caressing her hair, realizing she was now asleep, she turned to me, her eyes finally meeting mines.

I wasn't surprise anymore by what my body lived under her gaze, it just lighted up, like an electric boom that set everything on fire leaving traces of sparks on its path. A part of my body called for it, probably the same part that almost begged her to stay here this evening, the very same that forced me to stare at her all this time, the part that always kept calling for her even though I did my very best to shut it down.

I let myself stare at her, I knew eventually I would have to wake up, but I just wanted to let myself enjoy for a little while the kaleidoscope of emotions she caused in me, to let myself enjoy the warmness in my chest, the goosebumps in my arms, even if it wasn't meant to last, even If I knew that when I woke up I would be as always, alone.

Aslı moved between us, she was changing positions in her sleep, Selin opened her eyes like she was startled and then looked down again to Aslı. Her small face was now facing upwards, Selin smiled at her and caressed her cheeks with the back of her fingers.

"She fell aspleep" – She whispered.

"Biliyorum" – She had fallen asleep a while ago, but I was not gonna tell her that.

"I better go now" – She said without looking at me

I surprised myself this time because I didn't want her to go, It was always me the one running away, but this time I didn't want to, I wanted her to stay only so I could look at her a little longer, only so I could pretend my life wasn't loneliness and emptiness.

I sighed and looked away, I was alone, and I was empty, it didn't matter how much I tried to deny it, as much alive as she made me feel, I knew it was only an illusion.

I carefully moved Aslı's feet and stood up, I leaned downward to her so I could lift her to my chest. Carefully I carried her away from Selin, her head resting on my shoulder.