Everywhere

Confessions - Part 2

DEMIR POV

Her arms surrounded me as I poured on her all the pain all the guilt I had been carrying alone for so many years. She didn't speak, she didn't try to tell me that I was wrong on feeling that guilt, she didn't try to explain how I was not supposed to feel that way... She only held me, she understood my pain, she understood my grieve, and here she was crying it with me.

In her embrace I was allowed to feel, in her embrace I was free to go through everything that I had lived before, but with the certainty that she was here with me, feeling it with me, relieving it with me... and as I cried with her, for the first time in my life I felt that I was not facing this alone, that there was someone with me who was sharing this pain with me, who was carrying this burden with me... the weight placed on me suddenly felt lighter, the air was no longer hard to breath, and the ache finally was not unbearable anymore. Now she was here, she was with me, and whatever I had lived before, she was here to help me get through it, she was not letting my hand go...

We embraced for as long as our souls needed to battle the loneliness and the hopelessness, but together. I breathed her in, relishing on how easy it was again; while she was with me, living was easy again, life had a purpose and a meaning again.

I was in love with this woman... I crazily, whole heartedly loved her... there was no other way to describe the feelings that now were taking the place where the guilt and the sorrow had been.

Life took a new turn as I flooded myself in the love that I was feeling for this woman... I had been so afraid to see it, to touch it, because to be able to do so, I also had to see and touch the old pains I carried... but now that I had, love was slowly warming the cold corners of my soul. I knew my battle wasn't over yet, I still had the fears I had grown from my past, my needs of protecting her, my fears of losing her, but as long as I had her by myself, as long as I let love freely fly in my inside, there was hope... there was hope for me... and just maybe... for us too.

It took a while for both of us to calm down, and it took us even longer to break apart our embrace. I eventually pulled us apart, knowing that this path of sorrow was not closed yet. I had move one step forward with her help, but now it was time I did the same for her. There was a story behind those dark eyes that haunted my sleep every night, a story that maybe it too held pain, held loss or sorrow. I kissed her knuckles and then lowered them down, my eyes finding hers trying to give her the strength, the reassurance she needed to open to herself and to me.

Her face contorted as she realized it was now her turn, fear taking on her features, and in our connection, I feared with her too. A moment of silence took over us, while we both prepared for the deep emotions that were soon coming our way again. I had lived my own pains and fears, already knowing them, but now I was going to discover hers, to live them with her, and in that very moment I realized I feared her pain even more than I had feared mine.

"I grew up in a small town, far away from any city" – Her shaky voice started and I braced myself for what awaited for us in her story – "At that time, my dad was a farmer and my mom a teacher. I had no older sibling, and never got to have a younger neither" – I remember she had talked a little about this the night I first kissed her - "I was very little when I discovered my passion for dance... I learned to dance before I learned to run, I learned to count the beats of music before I learned to add... I guess destiny has interesting hands, there are somethings in life that you just were always meant to do... and dancing was that it for me" – Her eyes were not on me, but fixed on nothingness, like she was staring at the thin air.

"I was what some people called a prodigy... and prodigies did not belong to Sinop, at least that's what the headmistress of a private boarding school told my mother when she came to take me away. I was their only child, and they did not want me to go, but they also believed I was build for more than a countryside life... and with the idea of supporting my dreams, they let me go..."