Our Little Deadly Secret

No More Secrets...

Before I knew it, the Halloween party was here. And I was not ready to face the music.

The little moment between Maac and I kept playing over and over in my head. The way he grabbed me. The closeness between us. I should have been scared. But to be honest? I wasn't. And that's what I think scares me the most. Instead, if I had to keep things real, I wanted it to happen again. But that would be far from reality.

The rest of the week, Maac avoided me like the plague, and I the same to Ryan and the group. I could not face them right now, and I guess Maac could not face me after everything that had happened. I can't blame him. And I know I have a lot to explain to all my friends. But now was not the time. Granted, when was there any time lately?

So here I sit. On a Friday night. The night of the Halloween dance. Sitting by myself at my desk. Looking at the Spirit Halloween bag that Kass handed to me a couple days ago after she had gone with Elisa and Maria to get their half of the couples costumes for the group. I hadn't dared to look at it. So it just sat right in front of me. Never to see the light of day. I got up and walked over to my bed, pulling my phone out of my school uniform pant pocket that I hadn't taken off yet. I hadn't been in the mood for much today... or at all this week, honestly. I would pay someone to make this week disappear.

I went straight to Instagram, quickly scrolling through my feed. One post after another was someone in a costume. With the school dance tagged in the caption. One of the posts was even of Maria and Will together in their attire: they were Snow White and one of the 7 Dwarfs. And I was right - our costumes were, indeed, a little too revealing: blue crop top, bright yellow mini skirt that would show way too much if she was to bend over in the wrong direction, golden heels that were too small on her feet, and a red bow holding up her thick spanish hair. A few posts down, Elisa and Danny skimped out as Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen, all in green. Kass went with Merida a couple more posts down. And next to her was Ryan as Li Shang since they all decided I would dress as Mulan. It's not that I don't like Mulan. I think she's a powerhouse. But I don't do Halloween. I don't do couples costumes. And I don't like dressing up basically like a stripper. It was not going to happen. Not now. Not ever.

But as I continued to scroll, I could hear Maac's words from earlier in the week screaming in my head. If you won't go to the halloween dance for your friends, I would love if you just stopped by. Even for a minute. Just for me.

Just for me.

I shook the thought out of my head as I continued to doom scroll through instagram. Until I saw him... suited up from head to toe. All black. Tie and all. He was looking down at his wrists, playing with his cufflinks. Dark brown hair all messed up. Was he trying? Or am I just imagining things.

I froze on the picture as the past few months played back in my head: the phone number disguised as a book recommendation. The late nights hanging out together at his place. The time I had fallen asleep in one of his shirts on the couch. The hundreds of hours I had spent working on math problems. The night he was left speechless. The request for me to dress up. The bracelet as a birthday present. The bracelet.

I looked down to see myself unconsciously playing with the pendant. It gave me comfort. Peace. Serenity. And I need to give it back. Come clean to Ryan. Finally have a conversation with Maac about it all.

I turned turned the screen of my phone off as I ran into the walk-in closet. Kassidy won't mind if I borrow an outfit, right?

I ran over to her side and started rummaging through everything. Until I found it:  a white strapless dress that reached down to my knees, embellished with tons of lace. I then went over to my side of the closet to grab a pair of pure white high tops, slipping them on before grabbing a white headband and sliding it into my long hair to keep it out of my face. I didn't think I needed makeup, but I did throw on some mascara and a lip gloss. Just to get myself out the door. I walked over to my car, about to hop into it before realising that since it was also halloween night, driving was not something I was comfortable with, so out came my phone to order a ride. Not even five minutes later, an Uber came to grab me, which took me directly to my final destination.