𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ⇾𝘴𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘬

ONE :

⠠⠄⡐⠠⠁⠄✰☽⡐⠁⠠⡐⠄⠄

Laying on my bed I kick my feet up against the wall while listening to generic radio pop. This had become a regular occurrence for me due to the fact that I had successfully distanced myself from everyone around me. I didn't do it intentionally but I felt like I needed this time to be on my own  and think about what I needed to do rather than push it off by distracting myself. This was extremely hard for me because I never was one to sit back and allow myself to feel things the moment they occurred.

In a sense, it was sort of liberating knowing that no matter what, my life was in my control. This was something that I had forgotten in the past couple of months.

I had such a high, high this summer but that quickly came to a crashing halt. I was beginning to understand that everything felt so suffocating and drastic because I was suppressing everything in order to not dwell on what once was.

I wanted more than anything to go back to where I had friends and felt excitement. But everything must come to an end at some point.

My feelings towards Sadie were still unknown to me, but I understood that there was too much on the line. The decision I had to make about how I was going to approach the situation had to be well thought out because this could backfire in millions of different ways.

There was something about today that made me feel as if some sort of clarity would unveil itself to me.

I roll over grabbing the dirty green converse from under my bed. I take wad of spare change left on my dresser and shove it into the pocket of my corduroys.

The house was empty so I didn't bother letting anyone know that I'd be going out, not that it really mattered.

I make my way over to Finn's room to borrow his Walkman. When I open his desk drawer where he usually keeps it, a playboy magazine was lying on top of a couple of comic books. I pick it up looking at the cover of a half-naked woman. A smirk grows on my face imagining how flustered Finn would be if he knew I found it in his room. What a perv.

Putting the magazine back I continue to search for the Walkman and finally find it under his pillow with a Bowie cassette already inside. Satisfied, I walk out of his room slamming the door and running down the stairs.

It was on the warmer side today so there were a couple of kids out. I rode my bike down the side of the road listening to Tonight. It was only around 3:30 so I had quite sometime before the sun goes down.

My thoughts kept wandering off to Scout and how I wished things between us could've ended a lot better. I know that was kind of a selfish thought since I hurt him so badly. But despite the whole mess we were actually pretty great friends. I had met his grandmother a couple of times because she actually had raised Scout since he was born.

He always allowed himself to show how vulnerable he really was and I admired that. It was so simple being with him. And in no way did I ever feel like I had to read into everything he did because he'd just tell me. This could be contradictory from my part because I never allowed myself to acknowledge when he'd constantly ask me questions about Sadie.