Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
⠠⠄⡐⠠⠁⠄✰☽⡐⠁⠠⡐⠄⠄
I peddle down the dark street in a complete panic. The cold air burned my cheeks as my tears felt as if they had begun to freeze forming hundreds of microscopic cuts. I had imagined the moment in my head hundreds of times most ending dramatically, not far off from what had truly happened, yet I never did imagine it would hurt this much.
My limbs had gone numb and my head was pounding. Exhaustion both physical and emotional coursed through my body. I yearned for the warmth and comfort of my bed but most importantly the ignorant bliss that was my life before I had met her.
Slowly putting my foot down dragging it across the crumbling asphalt street I allow my bike to fall beside me as I step off in a swift motion. Before walking up to the door I cover my face with my trembling hands and take a deep breath. As I release my rigid breath I feel a panging ache in my chest and an involuntary sob escapes my cracking lips. I shut my eyes and hold my breath quickly becoming lightheaded. Releasing once more my breathing becomes a bit more leveled so I decide to enter before I become hysterical.
My hands shake violently from a mixture of the freezing air and disarray of emotions. After a minute or so I continue to fidget the key before they slip from my grasp and hit the ground with a clanking sound. I let out a shriek and kick the door in despair. My knee hit the floor allowing me to search for the silver key. I pat the cold floor barely feeling anything through my frozen fingertips while wiping my angry tears with my shoulder.
Before I can locate my key the door swings open and I see the dirty black converse belonging to Finn. I slowly look up my face flushed and wet swollen lips and eyes. His harsh eyes and prominent frown, softened as he sees me in such a pathetic state.
"Finn." I softly crooked barely audible. Did he know?
"Lana, Jesus Christ!" He quickly bent down to grasp my arms pulling me up effortlessly. His arm remains around me as he shuts the door and leads me further into the house.
The house wasn't any warmer than the cold air outside, it was fitting. Warmth meant home, safety. This was no home. One can not feel comfort in an empty shell of a home.
"Lana?" Finn gently shook my shoulders as I stared blankly past him. I couldn't bare look him in the eye I was ashamed of what I had done.
I shook my head slowly turning my attention to the ground. A tear rolled down my cheek hitting the rubber toe of my shoe. With my other foot, I wiped the tear off leaving a black streak on the white rubber.
He released a shaky sigh and gave me a small pat on my back. He led me up the stairs and opened the door to my room.
I switched the lights on finding my room exactly how I had left it. My comforter was messily tossed into a ball on my bed. My clothes and books on the floor. Trinkets littered the top of my dressers. Everything the same. I was the only thing that had changed, I had become unfamiliar with myself.
Finn stood awkwardly by the door as I slipped my shoes off and buried myself under my blankets. My back was facing him and my eyes were tightly shut trying to get rid of the burning feeling.
"What's wrong please, answer me. I feel completely helpless." The frustration was evident in his voice.
"I'm fine. Just-," I stopped for a moment to catch my breath. "Just go, please," I begged.
The room remained silent for a moment until the wood creaking under Finn's feet echoed throughout the room. My bed dipped beside me and he released a small sigh heard. A light tug on my blankets was felt. I hesitantly released my clutch on the fabric but quickly gripped it once more.
" No, I said go away, " I raise my voice in hopes it'll make him level but instead he continues to pull the blanket over himself.
"I'm not leaving. Plus my feet are starting to warm up." He tries to lighten the mood by wiggling his feet under the fabric.
I huff in frustration and remain turned away from him. A few minutes later I hear the soft snores beside me and I almost feel the relief of knowing I wasn't alone, my guilt quickly reminded me of what had occurred causing me to scold myself for being so foolish.
All I wanted was to go to sleep and wake up as someone else. Or not wake up at all.
