𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ⇾𝘴𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘬

TWELVE :

⠠⠄⡐⠠⠁⠄✰☽⡐⠁⠠⡐⠄⠄

I closed the large suitcase quickly, moving my fingers out of it's way. My Mom, Eric, and Finn had stayed home to see me off.

"Here." Finn handed me my green coat. Everyone else was wearing cozy attire while I on the other hand had to dress semi formally. I wore a navy blue skirt, white button up, and leather mary janes.

I was finally informed that the school was a two hour train ride away from our small town. Finn's brother had apparently gone there before me. I knew the town itself was not what i'd miss, but the people I was being taken away from.

I didn't know where I stood with Sadie making this so much more difficult. Nothing seemed to be simple anymore. It was kind of ridiculous.

Finn took my luggage down to the car where they waited for me. I looked out the window feeling overwhelmed.

"Came to say goodbye." I heard her voice behind me.

I quickly turn around feeling a rush of happiness course through my body.

Her cheeks were flushed and her blue eyes were a bit red. I threw my arms around her digging my face in her silky, red hair. I was relieved knowing that she was here, I knew she'd be here.

"You look beautiful." She whispered, holding me tightly.

I smiled widely, bunching the fabric of her sweatshirt in my fists. I let go of her looking down due to our slight height difference.

"I'm sorry." My fingers slipped her hair behind her ears. I wanted to take a mental picture of her face to carry with me.

"It's not your fault."

I placed my hand behind her neck bringing her in. My lips hovered over hers for a moment allowing me to savor the moment. She finally connected our lips hesitant at first, but that was soon replaced with desperation. My eyes fluttered open to see tears beginning to stream down her face.

I could feel my heart breaking seeing her sad. My fingers dried her tears not knowing how else to comfort her.

"I don't want you to go." She clutches my coat desperately.

"I'll be back, this isn't really goodbye." I try my best to reassure her. Her eyes were fixed on her hands holding the thick fabric.

I wanted to join in on the crying, but I knew that would make this a lot harder.

"It feels like goodbye." She hiccups.

I brought her into my arms once more. It did feel like goodbye. I didn't want to let her go, but the honking coming from downstairs snapped us back into reality.

"This is for you. It's stupid, but it's my favorite necklace." She hands me a thin, gold necklace with an S pendant.  I carefully took it in my hand feeling the tears surface again.

"Thank you. I love it." I slip it into my pocket. I kept my responses short not wanting to let the tears get the better of me. 

Sadie watched me intensely with a sad childlike look. It was the same look I had when my Dad had left. I wondered if he too felt this searing pain in his chest looking into those sad doe eyes.

I walked towards the door after hearing the inpatient honks. Halfway out the door Sadie speaks again.

"Lana, I love you." Her voice cracks, breaking into another cry.

I wanted to run back in and kiss her, but I knew I wouldn't be able to let go, so I stood there looking back at her with glazed eyes.

"I love you too." I let out a laugh trying to hold back the tears. She smiled although not a very happy smile.

There was a long silence and no movement which I took as my cue to leave. I walked away leaving her back in my room.

The car ride was tense. I ignored everyone turning on the walkman Finn had gifted me. I watched the rain hit the window as I listened to one of the mixes. Etta James sang At Last into my ears as my lip quivered.

She loved me. She said she loved me and I left. My heart had not ceased to ache. I rubbed my chest harshly trying to get rid of the feeling.

Eric parked the car once we had arrived at the station. The roof of the platform sheltered us from the heavy rain but the mist still hit my face like needles.

"See you soon, Lana." My mom gave me a brief hug. The only good bye I had gotten from Eric was a stiff hug. They walked back to the car leaving Finn to wait with me. I didn't expect much from them. 

He hadn't really talked to me all morning, but I knew he wasn't angry. I laid my head on his arm trying to keep it together.

"You'll call, right?" I pleaded. Both of our eyes were glued onto the empty tracks.

"If I can fit it in my busy schedule, sure." He joked, still not looking at me.

I smiled and looked down at my shiny shoes. I wanted to continue the banter but I was at a loss for words. I was devastated.

The train pulled into the station making the sparse people on the platform rush towards the doors.

Finn rocks back and forward on his feet, looking down. I assumed that was my goodbye so I picked up my bags and began to walk towards the sliding doors. He grabs my shoulder making me turn back. He gives me a hug, catching me by surprise. I drop my bags and hug him back. We shared a quiet moment before it was time for me to go.

I struggled a bit with my bags, but a middle aged man working on the train helped me place them above onto the storage area. I took a seat looking back out the window to see Finn rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

The train began to move. I place the headphones back onto my ears taking in the soft music. I finally allowed myself to shed a few tears before completely shutting down. I wasn't going to cry, I wasn't going to let them win. They wanted me to hurt. She wanted me to feel hurt and alone. Even if she wasn't here I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

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