SOLDIER ─ marvel

VIII. Poisonous Guilt

Chapter Eight
Soroya

We wait outside Shuri's lab for hours. Alex is pacing the length of the hall, his eyebrows burrowed and his eyes filled with stress. I stand here and watch him, knowing there's nothing I can do to comfort him. Everett, T'Challa, Nakia, Okoye, and M'Baku wait with us as well, looking just as distressed.

While we wait, Everett walks over towards me, his expression turning into curiosity as he begins to speak lowly to me; "In the bar, Alex told you to contact someone named Bucky, and then Rogers told you Zemo took Bucky with him. That name sounded so familiar but I couldn't remember from where, but now it finally dawns on me. That is the preferred nickname of the Winter Soldier. How exactly do you know him?"

I let out a sigh, nodding my head to my friend. It's time for the truth to come out. I reach into my pocket and bring out the ring Bucky gave me, his mother's ring. I place the ring back on my finger and show it to Everett, explaining; "He's my fiancé."

Everett tightens his jaw, his gaze turning analytical as he asks; "He's been in Wakanda this whole time hasn't he? That's where he's been hiding ever since Zemo's first attack."

"I wanted to tell you," I say to him lowly. "It's not that I didn't trust you, I just didn't want to put you in a difficult position. I'm so sorry I kept this from you, but I promise you that Bucky isn't the man you think he is."

Everett lets out a small chuckle, his expression still a bit stiff and guarded. "I would think not. You wouldn't be engaged to him if it were otherwise."

"He was brainwashed by HYDRA, everything he did was not his fault. I have files upon files of proof of this, as well as witnesses. He's a good man, an innocent man."

Everett stares at me for a long moment, soaking all this information in before finally saying; "I will speak to Ross and request for you to help me find Zemo. And when Barnes is found...I will help you prove his innocence as I helped you prove yours."

I smile for the first time in hours, linking my arms around Everett's neck and bringing him in for a hug, holding onto him tightly. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

He hugs me tightly as well, patting me gently on the back. "First we have to find him, but I promise you that we will."

As I pull back from him, Shuri finally exits the lab, looking startled and exhausted. Alex stops his pacing and marches right up to Shuri, waiting anxiously for her to speak.

Shuri smiles up at him. "Khari is going to be fine. I managed to stop the bleeding and I stitched up his wound. He lost a fair bit of blood, so I'm giving him a transfusion now. I see no reason why he won't make a full recovery."

Alex lets out a laugh and wraps his arms around Shuri, picking her up off the floor and hugging onto her so tightly she complains she can't breathe. Alex doesn't wait another second before running inside the lab to see his husband. I make my way inside as well, the others saying they'll wait to give us a few minutes with him.

Khari is lying down on the operating able, his stomach wrapped in bandages and an IV stuck in his arm. He smiles up at Alex as he approaches him, gripping onto his hand and bringing it up to his lips, kissing his knuckles.

"Don't ever scare me like that again," Alex tells Khari softly, his voice beginning to break. "I-I thought I lost you."

Khari's voice is thick from tears as well as he says; "You will never lose me, my love. No matter what may happen to me, I will always be with you."

Alex nods slowly, kneeling down next to the operating table and leaning his head against Khari's chest, beginning to sob. Khari lets go of Alex's hand and begins combing his fingers through Alex's thick brown curls, speaking soft words to him in Xhosa.

I walk around to the other side of the table and stare down at my brother in law, leaning down to kiss his cheek before I tell him; "You have no idea how happy I am you're alright. If something had happened to you..." I can't even bear to say it out loud.

A tear slips down Khari's cheek, his lip beginning to wobble. I wipe his tear away shaking my head, knowing exactly what he's thinking.

"It wasn't your fault."

"It was. I wasn't careful enough. Now James is taken and Steve is dead. I should have done more, I should have dragged myself if that's what it took—"

I kneel down beside him as well and lean my head against his, bringing my hands up to his shoulders. "This wasn't your fault," I repeat. "You did everything you could. You and I have been down this road before, blaming yourself won't change anything, it will only make you suffer more. Don't do that to yourself. It's not what Steve or Bucky would want."

Lord knows he and I went through guilt and self blame when Thanos took Alex and Bucky away from us. Guilt is poison to the heart, it prevents you from healing, keeps your wounds open. I've been feeling a lot of guilt lately, guilt from the things I've done in my past. The last thing I want is for Khari to be going through the same thing.

Khari takes in a shaky breath, more tears spilling from his eyes. "First Nat and now Steve...just over a month apart from each other."

"I know," I whisper, a tear spilling down my cheek, the pain I feel for both of my friends increasing with every breath I inhale. "I miss them, too. I miss them so much."

Alex lifts his head up, his face streaming with tears, his voice raw as he assures us; "Their deaths won't be in vain. We're going to find Zemo and bring him to justice. We'll stop whatever that bastard has planed and save Bucky."

I nod to my brother. "I already talked with Everett, he's going to convince Ross to let us on the case. But even if he doesn't, we're going to go find him anyways."

Alex looks back to Khari, leaning forward and kissing his cheek, another tear slipping down his cheek. "Before we go on the hunt, I want to be with the two of you."

Khari extends both of his arms out, allowing Alex and I to rest our heads on his chest. He wraps his arms around us both and holds onto us tightly. I reach forward and grab onto Alex's hand, letting the tears flow freely down my face.

I hold onto both of them for a long while, trying not to focus on the weight Bucky's absence has on me, trying to focus on the relief I feel that I didn't loose my brother today. That's the one comfort I can have from today. Tomorrow I will focus on finding my fiancé and hunting down the man responsible for all this chaos, but right now I will spend this time with my brothers. I will be thankful for what I didn't loose today instead of mournful over what I did.