Before I Go

Chapter 11

Present

      I picked up my journal and stared at it for a moment, feeling conflicted. I looked to Shane then, wondering if I should be showing him the list of people I wanted forgiveness from. He was sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting patiently, and I gulped.

     A few days had passed since I told Shane the truth about myself and I thought Shane had been bluffing about wanting to help me. But then he called me in the morning, saying he wanted to know who was next on my list of forgiveness, and reluctantly I told him to come over so I could show him my journal.

     So sighing now, I made my way towards Shane and sat next to him, holding my journal above my lap. On the current page I was on was a list of names and at the very top, was Shane's.

     "This is the list of people I want forgiveness from," I said, glancing at Shane.

     Shane's eyes went to my journal and his eyes drifted down the list. As he read my list, I began to feel both embarrassed and vulnerable. I never thought I would be showing someone my journal, but things had changed because of Shane.

     "I see Miles is crossed off," Shane said, looking back at me. "Is that why you guys started talking again?"

     "Yeah, after I tried getting your forgiveness the first time, I tried to get Miles the next day," I said. "He forgave me and we're friends again."

     To my surprise, Shane looked relieved. His shoulders relaxed and I stared at him, confused by his reaction.

     "I see," Shane said. "So, it looks like Jasmine is next on your list. Who is she? You've never talked about her."

     "I actually met her before I met you. In kindergarten," I said. "I... bullied her. I was horrible, Shane. I was a bully at one point."

     "You? Really?"

     Shane's eyes were wide as he stared at me and shame washed over me. I never told anyone that I used to be a bully and now I understood why I kept that a secret.

     "Yeah, I'm horrible," I said quietly. "I can't believe I did that."

     "I mean, we all make mistakes," Shane said. "Yes, what you did was wrong, but what you did in kindergarten doesn't define the person you are now. You've grown and changed with age. You are nowhere near the bully you used to be."

     I didn't know what to say, so I shrugged. Even if Shane was right, I still felt bad for being a bully.

     "Come on then," Shane said, standing up. "Let's go get Jasmine's forgiveness. I think it'll give you a sense of closure if you talk to her."

     "Okay," I said, standing up. My heart began to pound as I thought about reuniting with Jasmine. The last time I saw her was in kindergarten. "Let's go then."

     Shane smiled at me encouragingly and together, we went to Jasmine's house.

*****

      I rang Jasmine's doorbell and held my hands together, feeling nervous. Shane stood a meter away, down the steps. He knew this was between Jasmine and I, so he gave us a bit of space.

     Soon, the door flew up and Jasmine appeared. My eyes widened as I saw how much she'd grown. She had once been chubby and short, but now she was tall and slim, and her gorgeous brown skin, brown eyes and long black hair made her look like a model. Stunned, all I could do was stare.

     Jasmine stared at me for a moment, looking confused. She bit her lip as she stared at me and cocked her head, analyzing me and I stared back. Speechless and unsure of what to say, I did nothing but stare back.