Before I Go

Chapter 18

Past

      I stared at Miles who was laughing with Shane. Miles' house was crowded, mostly with Shane's friends, because Shane had thrown him a surprise birthday party. They were currently together and they were deep in conversation, and I gulped. There was something I had to do. To get Shane to stop loving me, I had to do it.

      I walked up to Shane and Miles and immediately, Shane looked to me and broke out into a huge smile. His entire face lit up, his eyes gentle as they landed on me, and I gulped. Pulling my eyes away, I tried to erase any thought of Shane from my mind.

      "Miles, can I talk to you?" I asked, looking to Miles. "Upstairs?"

     "Sure," Miles said, looking confused.

      Miles looked to Shane who looked just as confused. He gave me a questioning look, but I ignored him. Because I needed to forget I loved him to do what I would do, I ignored his existence.

     I went up the staircase and Miles followed closely behind. I motioned Miles to his bedroom and he looked confused. He stared at me for a moment and I sighed.

      "I need privacy," I said. "For what I need to tell you."

     "Okay..." Miles said, frowning. "Is everything okay?"

     "Yes."

     Miles hesitated before walking into his room and I followed behind him. Closing the door behind me, I then went to his bed and sat on the edge. Miles stood in front of me and he was staring at me, his face still set with confusion.

     "What's up?" Miles asked. "You're acting really weird."

     "Kiss me," I said.

     Miles froze. His eyes grew wide and I stared at him expressionless.

     "What?" Miles said. "Are you drunk, Mia? Are you hallucinating? What are you saying."

      "Kiss me," I said. "I said what I said."

     Miles stepped forward and placed his hand on top of my forehead. I fought the urge to pull back, but I let his brown eyes lock onto my blue eyes as for a moment, we stared at each other.

      "You don't seem sick," Miles said, dropping his hand. "What in the world Mia. You're dating Shane. Why are you asking me for a kiss?"

     I stared at Miles, trying to find the right words to tell him that I was secretly in love with him. That deep down, I wanted him and only him, and that Shane had been an act. But as I opened my mouth to tell him, to lie, I realized I couldn't do it. And with that, I broke down sobbing.

     "Oh my god," Miles said. "Are you okay?"

     "I'm not," I said, choking on my sobs. "I'm not and that's why I need you to kiss me."

      "Mia... I'm worried about you."

     "Please Miles. Just please, kiss me."

     Tears were running down my face and Miles stared at me. He looked pained and worried, but then he brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. And before I knew it, he was leaning in and he kissed me.

      I pulled Miles forward then and he fell on top of me as we made out. I kissed Miles as if my life depended on it, as if he would make me forget that I was in love with Shane, but the more I kissed Miles the more I thought of Shane. As I realized kissing Miles wasn't the same as kissing Shane, I cried harder.