[Arthdal Chronicles] Fight for freedom

FLASHBACK CHAPTER 4: A promise. (EDITED 06/22)

- Yangcha point of view -

Had she survived? Had the wound on her leg properly healed? Had she found a safe place to stay? What was she doing now? Had she found the smile she used to have on her face?Those questions kept coming in my mind and I didn't even manage to understand why. Why did I care about someone I didn't even know? Why did her face keep coming to my mind whenever my eyes were closed?

It had been more than one month since the day of the attack and I had never seen her again after that. In a way, that was a good thing, if she wasn't one of our targets it meant she could still be safe somewhere but it could also have meant she hadn't survived her injuries. Not knowing was killing me. I couldn't get her out of my mind and it was making me mad. I hated her for having taken possession of my mind, for making my heart wild whenever I was thinking of her, for making me feel like I wasn't in control of how I wanted to feel.

I was lost and I could talk about this with no one. On one of our missions, I had even got scolded by Mubaek for having been distracted and it had owed me teasing from the others for the next three days, until Tagon had told them to stop and they had obeyed. Tagon had inquired about my health but it wasn't like I could have explained to him what was wrong with me, I didn't know myself and most importantly, even if I had been allowed to speak to him, I would have never confessed I had actually spared the life of an Igutu I was supposed to kill. He would have asked why, and I didn't even have the answer to that question. Because she was pretty? Because I felt like I had to? Because she had made me feel something? I would have sounded ridiculous. Those would have been unacceptable excuses for such a thing. Saving an Igutu was punishable by death, and even if I believed Tagon would be able to understand and spare me, the others wouldn't and if not killed I would be at least banished. That was something I couldn't consider, Tagon needed me by his side and I had sworn to protect him and his secrets for as long as I would live, I couldn't let him down. And so, I had to be careful to stay focused so that I wouldn't disappoint my leader.

I was a warrior, one of those who didn't bother with feelings. Feelings were weaknesses. Even Tagon himself had told me so: he had let Taealha into his heart and now he couldn't let her out. He loved her but he also knew she could also be a danger to him and yet, he didn't know if he would be able to hurt her to get what he wanted if necessary. That was why I was by his side, if one day he had to make a decision he wouldn't be able to put in the act, I would be his sword.

That was a thing he liked about me. He had told me that, even though I obeyed orders given to me, he knew I was capable of analyzing and making decisions if necessary. He liked the fact I didn't bother with unnecessary feelings, he had told me it was making me stronger because there was nothing to be used against me.

My only goal was to serve Tagon, the man who had saved my life and whom I owed a not refundable debt and so, I shouldn't have had time to lose with unwanted feelings.

I usually controlled my mind more than well but nobody had ever taught me how to control my heart. Everyone thought I was an emotionless, heartless boy and that was what I had convinced myself I was too and yet, it seemed that I had been unable to control my mind or my heart for the past weeks.

And so, I tried to forget those days I had spent watching that girl who had befriended a wolf and who could make flowers grow, that girl who had laughed carelessly because of something as simple as rain and who was too clumsy to walk properly.

To forget, I did what I did the best. I became again the man everyone had always seen me as, and, under Tagon's orders, I killed mercilessly, and so with the help of other Daekans, every Neanthal who came on my path.

But at that moment, I didn't know yet that my efforts to forget her were useless because our paths were going to cross again.

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