Satan's Paradiso

14: Crime

(Int. Satan's office, night, Satan and Anne sit in their normal positioning.)

Satan: Tell me everything that happened while you were up there.

Anne: Well, I awoke in your old home, at least that's what Baal told me it was, and an angel led me outside to where Oliver was sitting, my god, he felt so soulless. Anyhow, I began to explain to him what Earth was like, as he didn't remember, than the angel grabbed me and I was dropped in this lake, of sorts.

Satan: And you started drowning.

(Anne nods, there is a knock at the door.)

Satan: Come in, Baal.

(Enter Baal.)

Baal: Charlotte, my lord.

Satan: (To Charlotte.) En quelle année as-tu cessé d'être un fantôme? (What year was it when you stopped being a ghost?

Charlotte: Octobre de l'an mille votre seigneurie. (Translation: October of the year one thousand, your lordship.)

Satan: Merci, vous pouvez y aller. (Translation: Thank you, you may go.)

(Exit Charlotte.)

Satan: I thank you for your service, Baal.

Baal: (Looking shocked.) So it's that time already.

Satan: Yes, I'm afraid so.

Anne: I'm sorry, what time? What did she tell you?

(Satan sighs, and moves a seat to his desk from the corner of the room, where he motions it to Baal.)

Satan: Remember the back pains Baal was suffering from a few minutes ago?

Anne: Is that what they were?

Satan: Indeed, both of us have been suffering from those for a long time. They were the first of a long string of punishments given for disobeying God. When you entered Heaven, you were shocked at what it was like, yes?

Anne: Yes, I was.

Satan: I, unfortunately, played a large role in that reality, and to that deeply apologize. When your species was created, you see, I thought that God's plan for them couldn't possibly improve The Earth. So in protest-

Anne: You offered Eve the apple, didn't you?

Satan: Yes, I did. Baal, would you like to tell her the rest? You know this portion of the story better than I do.

Baal: Well, you see, after God found out about that, I worked up the courage to defend my dear friend and leader, I had even referred to him as 'master' a few times by that point. (Chuckles.) Well, unlike my dear lord, I wasn't well liked by God or the other angels, so when I admitted to have lost faith in his philosophy, he took us both to my lordship's house and- (Voice cracks.)

Satan: He had several angels tear our wings from our backs, and we were taken to Hell, as a prison made specifically for us. We and my house turned black as soon as the operation took place, and every thousand years, we are given another punishment. It appears this millenium, for example, every damned soul which enters Heaven will be forever drowned in a lake. You're only here because the serum we used had a time limit on it. Do you have any questions about that.

Anne: Why do you disagree with God's beliefs?

Satan: You see, both me and Baal do much more with our lives than just our job. We love that part of ourselves dearly, but that is not all we are. I play the rubec, Baal has quite the interest in herbology, and we both assist with the farmwork. God, however, only does the tasks he was born to do.

Anne: Honestly, I can't blame him, he must be terribly busy.

Satan: Perhaps, but because of that that he doesn't know what life is really like. He is stuck seeing it from the perspective of an outsider with the power to create and end it. Sometimes I have to wonder what he even lives for.

Baal: The angels and us would have happily helped him too, but he refused.

Satan: The point is that, Anne, the universe should not be controlled by one being.

Anne: (Quietly.) I see.

Satan: That being said, sending our visitors to Heaven is a tradition we set up, it means they are about to be reincarnated.

Anne: (Standing up.) I am? When?

(Baal and Satan also stands up.)

Baal: Well, we were thinking about tomorrow morning, you've improved remarkably quickly, and we're both proud of you.

Anne: Thank you, oh my goodness, this is shocking. I don't even know why I'm so excited right now. Actually, could one of you do something for me?

(Baal and Satan glance at each other.)

Satan: What did you have in mind?