Sanders Sides Oneshots/Short Stories

DLAMPT (Platonic LAMP x Thomas x Janus)

Characters: Virgil, Roman, Logan, Patton, Cassius (orange), Janus, Thomas, Remus mention

WC: 3437

TW: Slight foul language, panic attack, touch starvation

It was kind of to be expected.

Virgil has grown up with the dark sides, so he hadn't been given much physical affection when he was young. Aside from the pat on the shoulder Janus would give him from time to time, or when Remus nudged him after making a joke, and he hadn't even gotten much of that. And then there were the times that Janus locked himself in his room for days at a time, refusing to come out. Those were the hardest for Virgil, because the lying side was the closest that he had had to a dad with the dark sides. Cassius- Apathy- tried his best in those times, but it wasn't the same.

And things only got worse after he had run away. This was because Cassius's lashing out had become all too common, Remus was being as stressful as ever, and Janus, well, Janus wouldn't even look him in the face for reasons he couldn't understand.

So he had run away.

Sure, it was kind of an on-the-spot decision, but with Cassius and Janus; Apathy and Deceit now, he supposed; yelling after him, he ran to the only place he could think of- the Light Mindpalace.

Patton has opened the door for him, finding him a panting, sweating, teary mess.

That was the last time Patton- or anyone- had given him a real, long hug.

That was almost four years ago. They still touched him, but barely, and he still caught them all trying to avoid his touch when possible. It was fine, though. He didn't need touch to survive.

Now, present-day, he sat curled up on the couch scrolling through Tumblr with his earbuds in, though he wasn't listening to anything at the moment. They were all going through what they had to do today, which honestly wasn't much, seeing as COVID-19 had stopped the world in its tracks. Roman wasn't feeling motivated, Logan didn't have much work to do, Patton was being, well, Patton, and the only thing Virgil could make Thomas worry about was how long COVID would last, if he or his loved ones would die from it, all that.

That wasn't to say he didn't have any worries, himself. For one, he was growing increasingly worried at the feeling in his chest. Or rather, lack of feeling? He didn't really know. It felt like a pit in his chest, pulling him down further and further, and the further down he went, the more alone he was, and the more alone he was, the further down he went and-

"Virgil, are you okay? Your breathing seems to be in an irregular pattern." Logan looked up from the book that the anxious side didn't realize he was reading.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, trying his best to keep the shakiness out of his voice and sound like that was the truth. He excused himself to go up to his room.

What's wrong with me...? Virgil sighed at the inner dialogue that had been eating at his insides the past few... wow. How long had it been since he started feeling this way? When had he started feeling so... he searched for the word. Alone. He didn't love the word choice, and he didn't like how accurately it fit into how he had been feeling lately.

(I'm writing this in the middle of the night so my brain decided to not work and the rest of it is in first person wHoOpS)

How could I solve my problem? Patton always said to go to any one of them if I needed help with anything, and lately the other two had been more open as well.

I was about to go and ask Patton about it but then a thought in the back of my mind pushed its way up. They don't care about you.