Sanders Sides Oneshots/Short Stories

Janus is a Meanie (platonic DLAMPR)

WC: 686

TW: Angsty lines from Sanders Sides

"Heya, J-anus!" Remus yelled while running into the kitchen.

Janus bit back a 'that's not how you pronounce my name' and just said, "What is it?"

"I dare you-"

"No."

Remus didn't want to take no for an answer, though. "You didn't even hear what I was gonna say!"

"I didn't need to. No."

"I'll give ya fifty dollars."

"We can conjure money."

"I'll bake you a cupcake!"

"Right, like I'd accept that because I definitely have reason to believe you're a good cook."

"Come on, do you want my soul or something? Look, I'll clean your room, I'll take a bath, I'll-"

Wait, Remus would take a bath for this? It might be worth doing if he was that desperate. "Hold on. You'll take a bath for what, exactly?"

~~~

Janus thought he would enjoy this, and he was particularly bored today.

Roman ended up being the first target of Remus's dare.

"Roman?" Janus asked, his voice dripping with false innocence.

The prince in question had looked up from his laptop at the snakelike trait. "What is it, snakeface?"

"I thought I was your hero." Janus quickly sunk out, but not before hearing what could only be described as 'offended princey noises'.

~~~

The next time came that night. He was in the kitchen getting a late-night snack, when the anxious trait had walked in. Janus saw this as a perfect opportunity. "Virg-"

The other, however, wasn't having it. He promptly hissed at the other. Janus bit back the urge to hiss back and simply repeated himself. "Virgil."

"What?" There was bitterness in his voice, sure, but Janus just couldn't pass up this chance.

"Because I was one of them," he smirked. He didn't have to wait long for a response.

"OKAY FIRST OF ALL-" Janus walked back to his room while Virgil was ranting about how he'd changed, how Janus was a scooby-doo villain- or something- and stuff like that. He'd find his next 'victim' in the morning.

~~~

And in the morning, when Patton was walking by Janus's door right as he was about to go out, Janus knew he'd found that victim. He called Patton over once he'd exited, and the said side came over almost immediately.

"What is it, kiddo?" Patton sounded so caring, so sweet, and Janus almost regretted what he was about to say.

Janus imitated Patton's voice perfectly, the pitch, the forced smile, everything, when imitating that one sentence: "I'm never sad! I'm your happy pappy Patton!"

He ran before he could see Patton's expression, knowing he'd regret saying that to the puffball of a side later.

~~~

Deciding to get the next one done quickly, but still wanting to see the side's reaction, Janus went after Logan next. To no one's surprise, Logan was in his room, typing away on his laptop.

"Logan?" The logical side jumped at hearing a voice. He glanced over to the doorway, where Janus was standing.

"What do you require?" asked the logical side, half paying attention as he started typing again.

"I'm not a joke!"

Logan froze, hand hovering above his keyboard. He took a deep breath, then, in a quiet voice, forced out, "I'll thank you to leave my room now."

That was definitely not the reaction that Janus was expecting. He followed Logan's wishes, though, and left, shutting the door quietly behind him. He'd have to remember to apologize later.

~~~

When Janus got back to the dark sides a couple days later; he visited Remus often; he remembered a specific detail. Remus had said to do this to ALL the sides. And Remus is a side, right? thought Janus with a smirk. He yelled across the empty living room, "I'm back, Remus!"

Almost immediately there was a response from the darker creativity. "Hey, Janny! How'd it go?"

He couldn't pass this up now, not when Remus wasn't expecting it. "Scary? ...me?" He bolted to one of the other rooms not even a second later.

"JANUS GET BACK HERE YOU-"

This was fun to write, imma give y'all a break from the angst. 

Remember, I'm always taking requests!

Take it easy ladies, lord, and nonbinary royalty! Peace out!