A Song for the Devil

Rain and Lightning

We didn't make it out to the tea garden before he started talking.

"It's not what your thinking." The desperation in his voice betrayed his words as I continued to press on through the trees. We were in the middle of a patch of bamboo when he grabbed my wrist and I stopped. I couldn't look back at him and I was shaking. "How long?"

"What?" He asked.

I turned around with eyes burning and ready to cry. "How long have you been in love with him?!"

"I— I'm not —" with ever ounce of strength I had I smacked him like lightning across his cheek. He'd been hit harder before but it still cause his head to snap.

"Don't you dare lie to me again Hideyoshi Toyotomi. Answer my question." I was ready to strike him again until I heard the soft crying.

"I don't know." He looked up to me with tears building in his eyes ready to spill over.

"Before or after I was captured?" I snarled.

"I don't know!" He fell to his knees and pressed his fists into the ground.

I came down to his level and gently lifted his eyes to meet mine. "Please, I'm begging you to explain this to me."

He kept his eyes down for awhile as he tried to regain himself and when he finally did his eyes were tortured. "That night you were captured, before that, you danced and my heart... it felt like it had woken up from a very long sleep. But then I saw Nobunaga so hurt by it, even though he tried to hide it, he's like that in battle though." He smiled a little before returning to his pained expression. "He puts all of his more vulnerable emotions somewhere deep, dark and safe within him. It hurt me to see him like, trying to look like a warlord in charge while struggling with jealousy. Then he said he would let you make your choice without fighting it. He came to you and after told me to go see you. In that short walk to your tent I felt like I was floating and for the first time..." he squeezed his eyes shut. "I saw a future with a wife and children that didn't make me want to spend my life away on diplomatic missions. You're response was a deep blow— but when we got the news that you had been take — I watched him nearly crumble and realized that he had felt the same thing I did about a future with you. I kept him focused on his dream and reassured his aching heart for two months."

"Did you share a bed?" I asked.

He looked hurt and surprised. "No."

"Where you in that scroll before I came back?" I asked.

His eyes went wide. "You know about that?" He whispered.

"We used it together." I admitted proudly.

"Oh— yes. I was on the list. When you returned to Azuchi I removed myself from it."

"So you fell in love with him because of how devastated he was in concern for me?" I'm still thoroughly confused and angry, trying desperately to understand how this all happened.

"Maybe that's where it started." He looked back and forth as he checked himself for honesty. "No. Since the day I met him I was pulled in to his passion and commitment to his dream. I don't think I fell into something as deep as love until you came back."

"Get up." I stood and extended my hand to help him to his feet.

We continued the walk until we made it to a gazebo that sat half on the water. I sat on the ledge and he sat next to me.

"What about me returning pushed you there?" I asked, my eyes glued to the glassy water with lotus flowers floating on top.

"You did." His voice was soft now. I turned to look at him. He was staring out at the water as well. "I thought that while you were away I had moved on somehow from the way I felt about you. Watching him hold you on the ride back to Azuchi—"

"You wished you were me?" I asked almost playfully.

He looked at me with a a
Hint of a smile. "Your teasing me now?"

"If anyone can understand how consuming he is it's me." I smirked.

"The thing is... I didn't want to be you." He reaches for my hand. "And when he grabs your hand I'm not watching on the side wishing I was you."

I blushed as he brought my hand to his cheek. "Hideyoshi..."

"When you came back to us I didn't want to take him away from you. Watching him navigate your emotions and his feelings was, magical. I don't want to take you away from him either. He's happier and more alive with you around."

He pressed his face harder to my hand on his cheek. "What is it that you want Hideyoshi?"

He huffed out a laugh. "Gods. I'm going to hell." He brushed his thumb across my cheek. "I want both of you. I want to hold you both and hear the way you sing we could make you sing. I want to be there when you are both on the edge, wether or your ecstasy or of both of your sometimes reckless commitment to your dreams, and I want to be there to see it all, and catch you when you fall over that edge."

The tears started to pour from him again. "I'm so selfish. Not only do I want someone who is married and in love, but I want both of them. This is why I'm cursed to never find a bride I can love."
He was beginning to spin mentally until I placed both of my hands on his face. His sharp breath sounded like a hiss as he looked up.

"Stop." I kept my voice gentle as I turned his face toward the pond. "Look back out at the water and breath." My voice was hushed as I pressed my ear to his chest his heart was racing. I waited until his heart began to slow to lift my head from his chest.

With his eyes still on the water he took a deep breath. He was composed again now, his golden eyes still, even though they were red from crying. "I can't even imagine what you think of me now."

I rested my head to his chest once again and stared back out on the still green water reflecting the red leaves of a nearby tree. "I think it was foolish to take yourself off that scroll."

A surprised chucked escaped him. "My deepest apologies. I'll rectify it as soon as possible."

"I expect a new scroll in his desk when we return from the hot springs." I nestled into his chest as he began to carefully stroke the back of my head. Another amused huff escaped him before leaning down to kiss my forehead.