A Song for the Devil

Awaken

Progress, improvement, growth, change, whatever you want to call it, is both awe-inspiring and awful to observe. Watching my baby grow every day, slowly leaving behind pieces of dependance as he moves through this life is both the most wonderful and terrible thing I have experienced, and I know that in these first three months with Nobuyoshi have only given me a small taste of this phenomena. When he begins to crawl I will feel it again, and stronger, he won't need us to carry him as much. When he learns to walk he will need us even less. When he speaks we will lose the secret language between mother and child.

Similarly, with each moment of improvement we see with Nobunaga brings a surge of hope tinged with fear as he groans and cries. Each and every advancement seems to bring with it it's own set of consequences.

After that first day of resting and nursing we were able to get him to eat some regular food and quickly weened him off of me, despite his best efforts that evening when we were trying to sleep. Grubby warm hands search for my ribcage at night to press his face to my chest. I have resorted to sleeping with an obi secured with several sashes.

Nights seemed to be the worst for him, when the sun dipped and the air cooled it was if he was pulled into nightmares. If we were not there to hold him on either side he would thrash and writhe in pain.

It was that fourth night though, I was on the cusp of sleep when I heard him, at first thinking it was just a dream. "Rina. Rina, is this really you? Rina!" My eyes snapped when he yelled my name and suddenly all three of us were sitting up in the futon looking bewildered in the moonlit room.

He reached for my face. "I can barely see you..." He whispers. "I know it's you. And I can feel Hide behind me when I lean back." He huffs a small laugh. "You would be there wouldn't you? Keeping me steady."

"Always" Hideyoshi chokes on the word and coughs before continuing. "I can light some candles if you would like to see better."

Nobunaga sounds humored. "Please. Although I don't think the low light is the only cause of my near sightedness..."

Hideyoshi gets up and Nobunaga strokes my cheeks with his thumb. He sounds shocked. "What's this I find on my wife's cheeks? Tears. What for? I'm here."

I let the sob I was holding back go. "Because you are here. Do you know how long you have been gone?"

He smirks. "No... The last thing I remember..." His expression drops into something more cautious. "oh— you two must hate me..."

"Never." Hideyoshi and I state at the same time just as he begins to light the other candles around the room so we can see each other better.

Nobunaga chuckles, surprised by our response. "To come back to the same life and not find my lovers angry with me, what did I do to earn this life?"

I place a hand to his cheek and as he leans into the warmth I speak with some seriousness. "We never said we weren't mad, only that we don't hate you."

His smile softens as he lets go of my face. "I accept that."

Hideyoshi returns with a candle and as the light catches his eyes I softly gasp and let my hand fall to his lap.

They speak at the same time. "What?" Nobunaga continues as Hideyoshi settles back behind him. "What's wrong? Am I horribly disfigured? Do I look like a monster?"

"No..." I begin carefully. "You're eyes... they're dark. Like a newborn."

Nobunaga laughs as Hideyoshi moves to the side to see and also lets a small gasp out. Nobunaga uses that gasp to locate Hideyoshi's face and turn towards him, placing a hand to his cheek before leaning their foreheads together and speaking lovingly. "It's your dream come true Hide. I am like a child that needs you to take care of— speaking of children..." His head whips back to me, hands finding my shoulders and moving down my arms until he can glide them to my stomach. "Is it still so early we cannot feel him?"