Cricket: Ember's Story

That Hollow Feeling

"I can't believe they got him," Hex says, shaking her head as we make our way back to Doc's place.

Both of us watched Gus getting arrested. Hex tried to save him when she heard the sirens in the distance, and I pretended to try, but by that point Gus had stripped naked and was rolling around on the icy street screaming and there was no way he'd listen to reason. I'm not even sure he was aware of our presence at all.

"Mm," I agree.

"I mean, what I don't get is who called the cops? There was no one around that area.
Those apartments have been vacant for two years!"

As she says this, Hex gives me an odd look. I can feel her putting the pieces together.

"Where did you go? When I went after him?" she asks.

I say the first excuse that comes to my mind. "I was trying to call West to see if he could help us. I thought about calling him last time Gus freaked out."

That last part is true. I'll never know if Hex actually buys it though. There's this knowing look in her eye and I'm certain she's figured out what really happened. This girl and I have been best friends, closer even than sisters, for the past four years. No one knows me better. She must think it was the right thing to do though because she doesn't confront me about it.

Back at Doc's, we start taking inventory of Gus's stuff like we did with Adam's when he died. My heart twists when I see that filthy stuffed dog. What have I done? Couldn't I at least have given him the chance to get his stuff? But even as I think it, I know I couldn't have successfully snitched on Gus any other way.

"No money. Big shock there," Hex says, tossing his empty wallet at me.

"I don't think he had anything with him," I say sadly.

"Except that book. The Boxcar Brats or whatever the fuck. He always had it in his back pocket no matter what," Hex says.

"No, not even that. He was naked remember?"

"Yeah but I handed his clothes to the cop."

"Oh. Okay, that's good he at least has that. What's that book situation about anyway?"

"Who knows? He just has some attachment to it, I guess."

We continue to scrounge through Gus's possessions for a few more minutes. It might seem heartless or just downright dirty to do this, but once a person is gone, their stuff is ours. Of course we mourn them, but we'll never throw out cash or drugs and clothing we can sell. Adam and Gus would understand that, I'm sure of it.

"You think he'll be okay?" I ask softly.

Hex takes a deep breath. "You want the Hex answer or the Ember answer?"

"Hex," I say.

"No. Not unless he gets his shit together. If he doesn't, I give him a few more months until he's with Adam. That's what he wants anyway."

"But maybe he'll have a chance now," I say hopefully. I'm really starting to feel shitty about what I've done to Gus.

Hex laughs. "There's no happy ending for kids like Gus, Ember. Not in this life. If he's lucky he'll get a foster placement with people who treat him like he doesn't exist. That's the best he can hope for."

"Are the homes really that bad?"

Hex shrugs. "Half and half in my experience."

"What's the worst one you stayed at?"

"The preacher's house," she says flatly.

"You were a preacher's foster kid? Oh my God," I say.