Theodosia

Chapter 28

Disclaimer: There's another panic attack here though more mild than the one before but just in case, here's the warning - Wyatt

"Do you think I'm going about everything wrong?"

It was, in truth, an honest question. One which she wished someone would provide her the answer. She had settled down in her old room up where the council once sat and plopped herself on one of the chairs.

Cooped up in an abandoned temple with nothing but a droid and a dead Jedi wasn't exactly the best of situations for her 'self-searching journey', but she made do, making herself comfortable in the place like she once did.

Catching Qui Gon up on the things that had happened in her life thus far, she had embarked on a long story telling session. Finding that he was not the type to judge, she confided in him about her past and her ultimate regret of the violence her decisions had entailed. The story was very long, but he patiently listened as she poured out her feelings.

"It is no longer in your power to change your decisions," he answered.

"Well, yeah, but what if I'm making even bigger mistakes right now, and my life is just going to be- it's just going to be this."

"And what is this?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

She gestured to everything. "I don't want to be in the First Order, so I ran away. And I can't go back to the Resistance because Rey has basically replaced me and going there would just be leading the First Order right to their doorstep."

From beside her, Frank beeped urgently, having caught the word of Resistance. The beep turned louder like an alarm, and she winced, the loud sound echoing throughout the room.

"No, Frankie. There's no need to," she tried, but the droid started rolling around in search of a general to report to, all the while sounding its alarm. She reached over, pressing a button to stop the sound. "You're not on base anymore. You're-"

She stopped. Well, shit, now she brought a droid into exile along with her when all it wanted to do was its job. She placed her head in her hands. "The droid is lost too!" she groaned. "Frank, the location of the Resistance is still unknown. There's nothing to report."

The droid gave a disappointed beep, rolling away from her as if betrayed. She watched the droid roll away and felt like great, even a droid had problems with her. She turned back to Qui Gon.

"I'm stuck in this weird limbo," she said, a small pout making its way on her face as she leaned against the cushioned seat. "I'm supposed to be on the light side, but I wanted to kill a man 48 hours ago because of what he did. And then I found out that the person I love was the one who did it, and I'm mad. I'm mad that he did it and that he kept it from me. I wouldn't even be in this crap if it weren't for him. I'd be with my parents...We'd be farming on Stewjon and though it can be a boring life, it was still...life." She swallowed, feeling a lump in her throat. "And I feel like I'm running away from it. From him. From my problems."

"Master, I don't know what I'm doing," she finally said, slumping in defeat.

"None of us truly know what we are doing in our lives," he replied. She found no comfort in that statement, her hopes deflating as the reality of where she was at sunk in. Was she really going into exile? On her own accord? Ren seemed so far away, but though her heart ached for him, that also meant the First Order was far away. Hadn't she finally gotten the freedom she had wanted ever since she came back as Astrid Jones?

"You say you don't know where you are in your life. Torn between the light and the dark. Commitments on both sides. People you love on both sides. Perhaps it is time to disregard what other's feel and focus on yourself."