To Make Her Mine

Eva

With everything Mia did, my doubts were coming to reality. She was shifting here to Chicago, she said. On a whim. Just like that. She must feel something for Josh but was Josh involved with her?

I was sure, Josh didn't know about her decision. If he had known, he would have told me when we talked. In these past few days, I had seen him open up. He shared, he cared and he tried to show me he really wanted to be there for me.

Marces was calling me, something had come up at work and I had to take care of it. Marces was my boss since three years now but he has been a good friend as well. I came inside the bedroom, Josh following me right behind. Josh kept the coffee on the table and left. Surprisingly, I finished the work really fast, I thought of taking a quick shower when I heard Josh's voice. It was loud, he was angry. Josh never shouted, all the years I had been with him I had seen him angry just twice. Once when something bad was going to happen with me and another when I pushed him around with Cori.

I followed the voice to the library and found Josh hugging Mia. I felt a knot inside my chest. I moved away from the door, it was wrong to listen to what appeared a very private conversation but I stopped when I heard it was about me and Josh.

"Josh I know it must be difficult. But I'm here for you. I will always be here for you. You were happy Josh, we both were. You went for wedding and now you are married. What happened? How did you end up marrying her?" Mia said.

We both were? Were they together? But Josh would tell me if he had been with Mia. Wouldn't he? But Just as I had this thought, another thought came to my mind. Not if I would feel it wrong to be bounded by this marriage and ask him to get back with her. He wouldn't let me be alone. Was he sacrificing himself and Mia to be with me?

For a moment I felt like Mia saw me. But in another moment, she was oblivious to me.

I waited to hear what Josh had to say.

"Mia, it's not easy. Eli, he cheated on Eve and then Bridget, Bridget is suffering from cancer Mia. I have to be there for Eve. Please understand."

The knot in my heart tightened. Those exactly were my fears. The reasons I thought Josh married me for, were fact afterall. He didn't really love me. He was with me out of respect for my mother and maybe for our friendship.

I couldn't stand there. I had heard enough.

I came back to my bedroom. My head was buzzing again. I saw the coffee mug on my table. I had forgotten to drink it. I sat down on the bed for a minute. What should I do now? Josh was trying to do the right thing. But was it really right? Staying with a person just out of responsibility. I would not let him do it. I just couldn't.

I tried to remember if he said he loved me in last few days, we had been married now. He hadn't. He never said it even before, when we were together, but we weren't married then.

Marriage should be built on love and trust and care. We loved each other as friends but it wouldn't be enough I knew. Well my love for him was always different.

I was losing again. How could Josh stay married to me, if he didn't love me? But then second voice spoke to me, he always said he wanted to be with me, he was trying to be a right person for me. He hadn't lied even once. He never said he wanted to be with me because he loved me. But it was wrong, the first voice said.

In that moment, I loved him even more. As far as I could see Mia and him, they weren't together but maybe if I hadn't come in between, they might have ended together. And they were so much alike.

To speak the truth, my emotions were all confusing. I was not sure if I should be relieved that he never lied to me or I should feel bad that he actually didn't love me. I was thankful for him being there with me, when Everything around me was falling apart. Tears started forming in my eyes. I stopped myself, I wouldn't cry anymore.