Please don't go! [YiZhan FF]✔️

-13- Late insight

POV ZHAN (The first and only chapter in this book, from the EGO point of view of Zhan)

-13- Late insight

"Somehow it's also strange that you always saw in your boyfriend's parents your parents, but you never saw him as a brother, did you?" My roommate Hae Jin asked me.

"That's right. I always said I have two moms and two dads and his grandma was always for me too, my grandma. But I never thought of him as a brother."

"Who knows, maybe your younger self knew earlier, that you would once more be for each other and fall in love."

"What do you mean?"

"That maybe it was fate?"

Hae Jin and I have shared a room since I left for Seoul six months ago and went to this boarding school. We got along great right from the start, and he'd been a good listener to me. He's my replacement for Chuyue. I miss talking to Chuyue and listening to his advice and tips. But also his playful and crazy manner.

I have to admit that I regretted going to Seoul more than once. I miss my family, my friends and especially Yibo. Back then, before I knew about his feelings, I thought it was the best idea to avoid him. I thought, out of sight, out of mind. But of course it wasn't that easy. Just because I couldn't see or hear him didn't mean my feelings for him changed.

I think it was quite the opposite. Because it became even worse than before, for now an unrelenting longing was added. I don't know how many times I stood in the shower and cried silently and secretly, because of my own stupidity. Of course, I didn't know about Yibo's feelings at that time, but I still got angry with myself, as I didn't even have the courage to wait for what he would have answered to my confession. I ran away and that even to another country.

During the first weeks I withdrew very much and hardly talked to any of the other boys at the boarding school. And language was not the problem. I just had this thick lump in my throat all the time, which made me feel like it made my eyes flood whenever I tried to speak. The boys thought it was homesickness, but I knew it wasn't just that.

When I called home for the first time, it was good to hear our parents' voices. But it hurt when I heard Yibo's voice. I heard that he was unwell, he sounded sad. He begged me to come home and told me he was feeling very bad. He accused me of just leaving, not listening to what he had to say to my confession. He told me that he missed me.

Every word from his mouth was like a stab in my heart and when the phone card was empty and the conversation ended I burst into tears. And it was Hae Jin who brought me to our room and gave me the time to cry deeply. Afterwards we talked and I told him about Yibo. Since then he is my confidant and a good friend for me.

Then one day, one of the boys came to me and said that someone was on the phone for me. It was Grandma who somehow found out where I was. We talked for almost an hour and that's when she told me about Yibo. I remember very well how she told me.

"My boy, you shouldn't think only of yourself. Think about how Yibo is doing now."

"Why?

"Because he never even got the chance to tell you that he loves you.

"What?"

"You know very well that Yibo has always had a hard time admitting and accepting feelings."

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with me?"

"And I always thought you were smart. Yibo loves you, you know? Not as a best friend, but in a romantic way. And he has for a long time. He was just too much of a coward to stand up and confess it to you. And when you confessed his feelings to him, he was shocked at first, because suddenly he realized that the Zhan he loved for so long and tried to suppress his feelings for him, also loves him. And he was frustrated, because at the same time he realized that if he had confessed his feelings earlier, he could have been with you long ago. And when you were suddenly gone, the ground broke from under his feet. He suffers a lot and cries all the time. We are all worried about him."

I felt at that moment as if someone had hit me on the head with a hammer. I wanted to pack my things and go home. But of course I couldn't.

Grandma called me regularly from then on and kept me informed. One month before Yibo's birthday, she asked me if I would at least come to Yibo's birthday party. I had to explain to her that, although I always saved my pocket money now, it was still far from enough for a flight.

"You take your pocket money and buy Yibo something nice for his birthday. I' II take care of your plane ticket. And I don't want to hear any arguments. I want you to surprise Yibo on his birthday."

Unfortunately a lot of things went wrong that day so I was late for Yibo's birthday. I was so excited all day long that I felt really sick and I couldn't get a bite down. All I could think about was that I would see Yibo again. And the surprise was a success.

Unfortunately, the weekend went by much too fast and so the goodbye came, faster than I thought. I knew that it would be hard, but how hard it really got, I had not expected.

But, and this is a big but, I also hid something from Yibo. When I reminded him of the upcoming summer holidays, I intentionally hid something very important from him. Namely that I'm not going back to Seoul after the summer holidays. Grandma and I have already secretly taken care of everything without our parents knowing.

So I will stay in Beijing and go back to my old school and according to the principal, I will also go back to my old class. Will Yibo be happy?

Grandmother said we should keep it to ourselves for the time being and not drop the bomb until I am back home. I think she just wants to use the family's joy to tell them that she is very sick. So far, I'm the only one who knows she has cancer. Although it is still in its early stages and quite treatable, but because of her age, the risk is high that she will not survive.

When she told me about the cancer, she said, no matter what, she wants to survive, because she wants to see Yibo and me get married. At this point Yibo and I were not even together and she is already planning a wedding. Hell, I don't even know if we want to get married. We're so young.

If grandmother has her way, Yibo and I are supposed to get married as soon as I'm 18 years old and preferably before we go to university. She told me that it is important for her to experience this, and she wishes it with all her heart. What do you think Yibo will say?