Million Words, One Letter

Why Now?

I woke up early to eat breakfast and go to university, and I didn't know that Nathan would be around this morning, Natasha was busy putting food on the table and then she looked at me and said:" Hi beautiful!  Come on, sit down, I've prepared the breakfast you love, Nathan has said that he wants to try your own breakfast so I'm sorry I took an extra piece of your meat.' Why does all this? Did he really fall in love? His actions still tell me that.' Suddenly I heard Natasha say:" Sofia? Do you hear me? What is the matter with you?' Nathan spoke in a quiet voice as he looked at me and said:" she is obviously tired, look at her." Natasha put her hands on my head and said: There is no heat, but what if there is something inside this head? Something you are thinking about?' Natasha did not complete her conversation until I suddenly started coughing and said:" I am just thinking about college, I have exam today too." Natasha held my hand and the hand of Nathan too while she was sitting between me and him and said:" Well, you're going to go with Nathan as he's going to travel today." I said out loud': No! I mean, I don't want, I don't want to go now, I will go alone, I have not started the lecture until it will be at eleven o'clock, you can go or travel or... anything.' I went to washing dishes without looking at one of them, why now? Why when I felt that I used to see him every day, I was happy every day when I suddenly appeared in front of me and my heart started beating strongly when my eyes fell in his eyes without warning, I wish I could tell him to stay here but I did not have the nerve to do so, I still that shySofia, I used to see Natasha hugging Nathan every minute and time and telling him that she would miss him and to stay here but always telling her that he would go to work and every time he embraced her again he would look at me while I was standing in order to wash the dishes in the kitchen, I entered into  My room and I stood in the middle of the room I think about it, what will I wear, how should I go to university and my mind think about something again, what should I do? I went out of the room and went straight to the door and I said:" Bye-bye, I will go to university." He said: "Come on, then, bye-bye Natasha, see you after two weeks." He hugged Natasha again and came down quickly to speak to me and said:' I will take you to university, you will not be able to go to the train station, I think it will rain.' I looked up at the sky and also looked at the clock and then got into the car without talking and he did not speak all the way too, I feel shuddering all over my body and feel like I can tell him but suddenly stopped and shut up, we got to the university and he stopped the car, took up my bag and before I opened the door I grabbed my hand and said:' Anyway, I see that in your eyes always, I told you before.' I looked at him while I was pretending I didn't care and said:' What do you mean? What else do you see?' Nathan continued driving and went to a very quiet place, I didn't see anyone walking, and then I said loudly:' Why did you stop here? Go back to university, please.' Nathan stopped the engine and changed his body position as he looked at me and said:'Look at me, just look at me Sofia.' I couldn't, I always looked at him without feeling anything but this time I felt it was difficult to look into his eyes, I saw his hands approaching while there was no sound around us and gently grabbed my chin which made me look at him and said with a voice that I couldn't resist': Tell me that  Stay and I'll do it, I can still see it in your eyes since the first time Natasha told you about the travel matter, just tell me.' I did not hesitate for seconds and then I opened the car door and got out, I stopped for several seconds trying to think and then proceeded without seeing him, he said that he will not travel if I said so, I know that he will not do that if I told him to stay here, I felt guilty when I was at university and miserable luck also on the same day I met a girl while I was alone all these days, I couldn't wait for the lecture to end and as soon as it ended until I ran speedly outside the university and went to the same place where Nathan were stood, I am stupid, I thought he would be waiting for me and I would tell him to stay but he was gone, I grabbed my phone and called Natasha and she answered quickly:" Hi Sofia, are you all right?" I said:' Is Nathan gone? I mean he traveled?' Natasha said:" Please, I don't want to remember this, yeah, He told me an hour and a half ago that he got on the plane, why?"  Is there something wrong?' I didn't talk and hung up, I never went back to university and went to walk anywhere, I don't know where.