Million Words, One Letter

Is it real?

I never felt the time, the hours passed by me but I was enjoying seeing this beautiful waterfall, Nathan was sitting next to me on the other rock and he was looking at me for a long time as if he was trying to explore something in my features then he said: It has a lot of meanings, I can see many things  Here.' I looked at him suddenly and said: What is this thing that has so many meanings?' He said: Your face, I am still trying to understand something, I feel that there is something that no one can know about and it is very strong, your eyes say all this, right?' I started playing with my fingers and my head down, I couldn't not crying, I was trying to stay strong but I could not, all I had to do at that moment was to stand up and ask him to go back to the apartment, I stand up quickly and said: Well it is too late and I must...' He stood in front of me and he was very close to me and then said:' You must know that I will do nothing hurt you, I am much older than you while you are still twenty one years old, I know what makes you feel fear and know what is hiding inside your heart, I know all of these things and...' I interrupted it loudly and said:'Let's go home, please.' He looked at me for a few seconds and then we went to the car, I was feeling like I can't breath all the way while driving soon to the apartment, I felt that I would lose control at any time and I said to him': Stop here next to the sidewalk. He looked at me with astonishment and said in a calm voice: "What? How? We will go to the apartment now!' I grabbed the car door and said: Please just open the door.'Nathan stopped slowly and did not open the door, turned off the car engine and he looked at me as if he was afraid of me, I did not feel that I was this girl that I should be, I am Sophia that quiet girl who feels shy to say something inside but I felt that something would explode inside me in one day and I said:' I don't feel like I can endure something like this, I feel like I want to go back to my city but I'm afraid to go back at the same time, I can't sleep or study, everyone is like a ghost in my mind and I start to feel that everyone wants to kill something inside of me.' I looked at the window while tears were falling after the other without stopping, suddenly I felt his warm fingers around my cold fingers, silence was the first thing between us and then comes the beginning of that hole that we will all fall in and we can no longer get out of it, I raised my hand quickly and opened the door and started walking without  Looking back, it was those touches that made me feel safe, I felt that there was still someone standing next to me but I did not want that, love is not mine and it is not in my dictionary, I went back to the apartment while Natasha was watching TV and said: Where were you? I have been worried about you! I went to the university but I couldn't find you there but Nathan told me he was with you, is everything okay?' Nathan? Do not tell me that name again, put my bag and went to the room and closed the door, all I wanted was to sleep and stay in my bed for several days, after half an hour Nathan entered the apartment and sat on the sofa next to Natasha and then said: Did something happen between you and Sofia? Tell me!' He looked at her and said: Where is she? Is she back?' Natasha began to get angry and said: Don't you see her bag? Why do not you answer my question? I went to the university but I couldn't find you there but Nathan told me he was with you, is everything okay?' I said:' Nathan? Do not tell me that name again, put my bag and went to the room and closed the door, all I wanted was to sleep and stay in my bed for several days, after half an hour Nathan entered the apartment and sat on the sofa next to Natasha and then said: Did something happen between you and Sofia? Tell me!' He looked at her and said: Where is she?  Are you back?' Natasha began to get angry and said: Don't you see her bag? Why do not you answer my question? I swear if I did something to her I would...' Nathan interrupted her loudly and said' I didn't do anything to her, do you think I'm crazy?  Do you feel that I will do something dirty one day?' There was silence for several seconds, then she said," I am sorry, but I am afraid for her, She lives in my apartment and she is still young, I do not want something suspicious to happen to her, I will go to sleep, You can stay here or lock the door well if you want to leave, good night.' Nathan stood looking at the bag and then opened it quietly, There were not many books, but there were papers on the last page of the book where I was writing about how sad I was, Because I had not seen my family for a long time, and the place here began to intimidate me, Nathan opened the pages of the book and fell a paper on which I was writing my homework, took it right and left and then put it in the bag, Nathan did not take much time, then he went out of the apartment and closed the door behind it.