Guilty Pleasures of Life

06 | childhood dreams

💫Sixth Pleasure💫

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I opened the door.

Life of light.

I entered the world of my past, in which everything was more bright and optimistic. No feelings of self-doubt, regret shame, or anything like that. The ecstatic world of laughter and bright colors shone everywhere.

A pleasing sight to my eyes, a train of thought hit its way down memory lane. It made me feel at peace. Because I could really relate to this world. It was my sanctuary after all, which shaped my thoughts and myself as a person.

I loved and still love that world because its cheerfulness colors a bit my gloomy world. It is always there to remind myself that there are things we should be grateful for. You might be wondering, what is this place and time in particular?

Well, we are in my childhood. Not just mine though, but maybe even in yours. Mostly it started at 3 years old and continued at 10 years old.

Where would I begin telling you my story? It's not that hard though.

I have a mom and dad who I love. A little sister which at first I only grew more jealous of her. She was getting more attention that's why. But then I started to love her and began seeing her also as close as a best friend. Then we move on to right now. Today, I have an even younger sister which I love unconditionally.

All in all a loving family and that mattered to me. One quality that described me perfectly was my hyperactive and crazy imagination. Yep, one great asset of mine even today.

Imagination helped me in my crazy roleplays, as I could communicate with everything possible. I made the impossible, possible without losing sight of what's real or not. Doubting my social skills, because of my shyness I was afraid to approach people. They say that as a child you're supposed to make friends with everyone, even with a tree.

In the end, I learned how to make friends, by following the metaphor a bit too literally. My social skills were you could say something so unique because I was labeled as extraordinarily weird. I indeed made friends with a tree.

Really though don't take that too seriously.

Of course, I had real-life human friends. I just needed a little push. Somehow having other types of friends, makes you feel involved with the many diversities of our same world. You get introduced to the many types of possibilities to help know everything that you desired.

The main key here is curiosity.

Curiousness turned into accepting.

Acceptance turned into understanding.

Understanding turned in spiritual bonds.

Bonding turned into loving.

Loving every ounce that the world offered us.

All of these different emotions overwhelmed me. I was full of knowledge for once knowing, which pieces to click into the puzzle. It made me truly happy that I knew the answer. I think I got these experiences, by my family firstly, then by observing the world around me and then my friends. (Yes both human and nature.)

Let's not forget though, that I was a kid, you were a kid. We shared both common traits. Surely, we had imagination, sensitivity, creativity, optimism, laughter, joy, and much other stuff that made our parents love us more.

How about something crucial like you could say a trademark for us all?

Innocence.

Well, we all had it. Some of us for a long time and some for a shorter time. The innocence I mean is that of believing that everything is always sunshine and rainbows. Our world consists of two main equivalents which are the opposite. Maintaining the world balance, as none can't function without the other.

Black and white.

The true colors of our world. That's the order and law we can't tamper with. It's strict and has no privileged people. I wanted to believe, there is good and only the color white.

All I could see was white, diminishing the chances of seeing black, knowing there is indeed negativity in this world, but my mind didn't say so. All of this glimmering world in front of my eyes was possible only because of my naïve side. An illusion everyone needs to snap out eventually. But I made this illusion of mine too perfect.

So, I was never aware of the darkness. I don't think kids are, anyway.

I might have realized way too late this trick show, corrupting my mind with false truths and hopes. As soon as I learned this I snapped out of it way too quickly. I might have stopped growing mentally after time, still trying to stay with the broken pieces of my illusion to live on.

But it was for no use. Being too timid and fragile, still trying to deal with the way of the world.

Black and white.

In a hard way, I learned that darkness lingers around us. It is there.

And I'm glad I realized it. It's not a bad thing, that way you can the way of the world more easily. Another moment of this fragment of my life were my dreams. I was inspired by everyone around me to be a part of the world where you live. On the other hand, though, my childhood was great. I had my own dramatic moment of realizing the world.

Try to understand the changes that happen in you as those happen in the world too.

Go ahead and explore yourself, because, in the same way, you're exploring the world. Don't pressure yourself too much though.

Of course, I was never capable to learn all of this at once, but I learned it step by step. At first, it was shocking, but I learned something from it. I evolved as a person on my own, ready to try and learn new things.

Just saying a piece of advice to relieve you.

"Take action!" everybody said.

These types of words rang in my head most of the time. As a kid, of course, we all had our favorite cartoons to watch, which most of them shaped most of my personality today. A good foundation of real hope, that I could do something. I thought I could be some sort of superhero who fights darkness with her incredible superpowers.

A sorta cliché back story, in which she wanted to help people and do good, just for the sake of watching others being happy. Even though I'm grown up now, I still don't give up on this dream.

Helping others finding their own happiness. Maybe not a realistic dream even for a kid. But if I brighten someone's day up. It brings more happiness to my edgy, two-colored world. A dream that still lives on my heart, and maybe that's why they chose me.

I can help you to understand a bit better your pain and trying to find a happier day for you to live in. It's my cause and purpose right now, even in real life.

My dreams are balloons of hope, that I want to fly with them up to reach cloud nine. True happiness.