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21 | Chapter Twenty One

B O N N I E

"Here," mom hands me the stack of envelopes, and I reach out for them, my hands trembling so much the weight of them almost too much for me to hold right now.

He wasn't lying. He wrote me letters for all those years. A choked sob escapes me, and mom rushes over, wrapping me in her arms. Despite everything, I just need to be held by my mom.

"That boy loved you, Bon. I think he still might too." I say nothing; I just give in and cry. I let it all out, all the built-up tears and fears of the last four years pouring out of me. I know Josh loved me when we were kids, but I didn't think he cared after he left.

I guess I was wrong.

"I didn't read any of them; I promise you that," mom assures me, and I'm glad she left them untouched, even if she hid them from me. "Thank you," I whisper beneath my tears. I sit up straight and wipe my face.

***

I walk into my room and quietly shut the door behind me. I turn off my lights and crawl into bed. I'm not sure I'm ready to read the letters just yet, but knowing they're here is an immense comfort. I sit them on my bedside table, and I stare. I watch them as if they were about to leap up and run away, but I finally have them.

I finally have the answers I always wanted. Josh cared about me. I knew what we had when we were kids was special, and the thought of him leaving without even a second thought about me broke me. Seeing these letters, though, that's proof he did care and that I meant something to him.

I grab my phone and tap on the home screen; there's a missed call from Josh and a message.

"Are you okay?" - Josh.

I tap on his message, ready to reply, when my phone rings. It's him.

"Hey," I whisper, a smile taking over my face when I hear him speak. "Hey yourself," his chuckle flows through the phone and wraps around me, the warmth of knowing he was there, making me feel safe. "Is everything okay? After you didn't reply, I thought maybe you changed your mind about me."

I scoff because it hasn't even been two hours since I saw him, and he's already acting like a clingy boyfriend. Except he wasn't my boyfriend, not even close. I fight the urge to tell him about our parents, but I know that isn't going to do any good.

Mom will tell Mitch that I know, and it won't be long before Josh finds out unless he keeps it to himself. I know if that's the case, I won't be able to keep the secret forever.

"Earth to BonBon, what's going on?" I hear Josh, and I snap out of my daydream and back to him, "sorry, what did you say?"

"I said, is everything okay? You ran out of my house earlier like your ass was on fire." there goes his laughter again, and I can't help but chuckle. Trust him to make me laugh after the night I've had. I found out my mom was a liar in more ways than one and that she ruined not only our family, but Josh's, too. And yet, here I am, laughing.

It explains a lot, though, the animosity Josh's mom had towards my mother it makes total sense. She must've known something had gone on. Otherwise, I think they would've been friends. Josh's mom and mine were similar in a lot of ways.

They were both petite with Mousey brown shoulder-length hair. Both had big brown eyes, and they were so beautiful, there was no denying that, but their personalities were completely opposite of each other. Josh's mom was always so quiet but so nice and my mom... well, she is nice, but she was far from quiet at the best of times.

"Yeah, sorry, everything is fine." I sigh, and he must pick up on my lie because he calls me out on it. "I'm outside. Open your window." I sit up in bed, turning my head towards my window to see Josh sitting just outside.

"What are you doing?" I mouth to him, hanging up my phone and walking over to let him in before he kills himself. "Are you insane?" I shove him, but he barely moves and just chuckles at me. "I wanted to see if you were okay, so here I am."

"And did you really think I forgot how to climb up here?" I roll my eyes and turn to walk away from him, but he grabs my arm, stopping me. He pulls me back gently, and I fall into him. My back is against his chest and he wraps both of his arms around my waist, holding me tightly to him.

Neither of us says a word; we just stand there, the room filled with only the sounds of our ragged breathing. I feel him leaning down towards the side of my neck, and I gulp. I gulp so loud he snickers just behind my ear, "do I make you nervous, BonBon?" he whispers in my ear and goosebumps shoot out all over my body.

He knows he does, and he knows exactly what he is doing to my body right now. Bastard. "You know you do. Shut up." I push away and turn to face him. The smirk I knew would be there is plastered on his face and beaming down at me. He is so close if I leaned forward just an inch, our mouths would touch. All I want to do is kiss him, but I can't do it knowing our parent's secret.

He would hate me if he found out I knew all along and didn't think to tell him, so I pull back. Choosing to keep some distance between us. He lets go of my waist, and I walk back towards my bed, climbing in and sliding in under the covers. He stays standing near my window, leaning against the wall as he watches me.

"I think our parents are dating," he blurts out, and I stiffen. Maybe he knows more than I think? "Why do you think that?" he rolls his eyes and pushes off the wall, walking over and sitting on the end of my bed. He lays down on his back; his attention is drawn to my ceiling as if it were the most interesting painting he had ever seen.

"I don't know. I just have a feeling they're dating and don't want us to know."

I don't bother arguing with him because I don't disagree. I think there's something more going on than mom wanted to tell me tonight. Why else would she ditch me and be over there drinking and eating a romantic dinner with Mitch?

 I shrug and go back to sitting in silence, watching him watch my ceiling. I get so lost in gazing at the ceiling with him I don't even notice him move up to sit beside me until I feel the warmth radiating off of his body as his arm brushes against mine.

"So, should we make out or something?" he questions, nudging me lightly before winking and I frown at him. What makes him think making out after we both just admitted we thought our parents were dating is a good idea? "Uh, no?" I question because I don't think stating that I don't want to kiss him would be believable.

"If our parent's date, does that mean we are brother and sister and we can't make out? That would suck," he pouts and I smile because he's an idiot. "It would make things very uncomfortable, that's for sure, especially since we've already kissed before and so have our parents."

The words leave my mouth before I can stop them. My hands fly up to cover my lips, but he stops them before I can. He looks confused, so I know he heard what I said, but I'm really hoping he didn't. Maybe he is just frowning because I keep rejecting him? That makes total sense.

"Did you just say our parents have already kissed?"

Ah, shit.

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