Back to you | ✔

40 | Chapter Forty

J O S H

We leave the frat, and I still want to punch something, but the way Bonnie was looking at me in there terrified me. She looked scared, and I never want her to be scared of me or around me. I can feel her watching me silently as I drive towards our houses.

I need to do something to fix all of this. Why does it feel like everyone is against us?

"Are you busy right now?" I ask her, breaking the silence.

"No," she shrugs, so I nod and keep on driving. I have to do this now; otherwise, I might lose my only chance forever.

"I have an idea. Text your mom. You'll be home late." she doesn't hesitate, pulling out her phone. I change our route and head towards the field, thankful I thought to grab my duffle before leaving the house.

***

I walk out to the center of the field and lay down the picnic blanket. Sitting down, I feel Bonnie walk up behind me, "all of this, for little old me?" she mocks, and I laugh at her. Even after everything we went through today, she's still making jokes—just another reason I love her so damn much.

She lays down beside me and rests her head on my chest. I sit there silently, watching as she reads through her letters. She picks up her last letter and opens it up. My breath hitches, knowing that my letter is next.

She finished reading and glances up to me expectantly. I take in a deep breath, preparing myself for this. After everything, this still could end in her rejecting me, but I need to take a chance on us and tell her just how I feel. I would never forgive myself if I let the chance slip by again.

I reach out and grab her hand, helping her move to sit between my legs. She leans her head back against my chest and relaxes into me.

Grabbing the last envelope from Bonnie, tear it open. She watches my every movement quietly. I hesitantly I hold the letter in front of us both, "you ready?" I question not only to her but also to myself.

"Never been more ready for anything in my life."

I take in a deep breath, collecting my thoughts before unfolding the paper. I know what's in this letter and I don't know if she's ready to hear it. But, I feel like after what happened today, it's now or never to put it all out there.

Dear BonBon,

It's been four years since we last saw each other, and not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I have never been good at talking; you know that. Whenever I try to express my feelings, my throat tightens, blocking me from saying anything. So, I'm going to write it in this letter.

I should never have let you go. I realize that now. I was too busy chasing after things that looked good, or girls who were beautiful but never had a place in my heart. You were always the one who was there for me.

I don't understand why you won't reply. But, this isn't about why you don't want me in your life for whatever reason. This is my last letter to you.

I'm going to put everything out there, it's up to you if you want to respond or not, but I feel like you deserve to know everything.

I have loved you since the first day I saw you playing with your stupid dolls on your driveway, and I still love you now even after your radio silence. You stood by my side, supporting me through everything, even when my mom got sick. I didn't know it at the time, but now when I look back, it was that moment it became clear what love looked like. You were always more than a best friend to me.

I loved you all through school, regardless of how many girls I used to drown out all thoughts of you. You were unattainable to me, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship, and then you met Sky.

You were so happy with him, how could I ever want to ruin that for you? Seeing you happy with another guy though destroyed me, but it's my own fault for not owning up to my feelings towards you.

It's taken me years to finally admit the truth, not only to myself but to you.

I hope you and Sky are happy, and I pray one day you'll reach out, but until then, just know I will always love you and be waiting for you when you're ready.

Love Josh.

I wait for her to say something, but she doesn't make a sound. "BonBon?" I ask, and she turns to face me with tears streaming down her face. "Josh," she whispers, turning around and throwing herself into my arms. I kiss the top of her head as she sniffles against my chest.

She pushes back from me slightly and looks up at me, "why didn't you post that letter to me?"

"Not that I would've seen it anyway," she mumbles under her breath.

"I went to post it, but I felt like I needed to give it to you in person, for closure." I felt an urge to comfort her, but also myself. In a moment, I pressed my lips against hers and felt her body loosen in my arms. We hovered there, soundless for so long, merely feeling each other's presence.

"Did you get your closure?" she breathes between kisses. "No, but I got something better."

"What was that?"

"You." She pulls back from me and straddles my lap, I hold on to her waist and watch her internalizing her thoughts. "I really thought I lost you when you left," her sad eyes look up and meet mine. I lean forward and press my lips against hers once more.

"BonBon, I'd always come back to you."

T H E   E N D