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30 | Chapter Thirty

B O N N I E

The next morning I wake up to no new messages or missed calls. I don't know what I expected, though; I never replied to Josh last night. I laid in bed for hours, reading his words repeatedly, trying to see if there was some hidden message in there, but there wasn't.

"I meant it, just know that."

What was I even supposed to say to that?

I open his message again, just staring at the screen. I want to reply; I want to talk to him, but I just have no idea what to say. I know we were supposed to hang out tonight, but will that even happen now?

I start typing with no idea what I'm about to say; I just let it happen.

"Hi," I hit send before I can stop myself. What the hell is wrong with me? Now he is going to think I'm crazy, great.

I throw my phone on the bed with the screen down. I don't want to see if he replies to that. What kind of idiot just says hi after the message he sends?
Me, that's who.

I drag myself up out of bed and walk over to my closet. I need to get ready for school. Today is Friday, so I think it would be acceptable to wear my pajamas, right? Liv would probably kill me, though.

Deciding against a pajama day, I slip on my favorite pair of black skinny jeans and throw on an oversized bleach washed black t-shirt. Good enough.

I walk downstairs, hoping to see mom for once. I want to know if she has heard anything more about Josh's dad. I would message Josh, but he hasn't replied to my stupid message yet. The safer option is to ask mom, so that's what I'll do.

"Hey, mom?" I call out, hoping I caught her before she left for work. "In the kitchen."

I enter the kitchen and am hit with a smell of freshly baked chocolate chip muffins. "Oh, Yum!" I exclaim, grabbing a muffin from the cooling tray. "Hey, those aren't for you." she goes to smack my hand away, but I pull back and run around to the other side of the bench where she can't get me.

"Who are they for then?" I ask, but she turns around, focusing her attention back to whatever she is cooking in the pot. I glance around the room, taking in everything I see. Our entire bench is stacked with containers of food, so much food that we wouldn't go hungry for weeks, maybe even a couple of months.

Was she up all night cooking?

"Mom, what's going on?" I ask, with my mouth half full of muffin. She turns around now and crosses her arms at me, but she's smiling. This is the first conversation we have had since she dropped that affair bomb on me, but it feels good.

"I'm making food for Josh and Mitch, so they don't have to worry about it while Mitch is recovering."

I nod, that makes sense. But why is there so much?

"Mom, I don't think he needs enough food to hibernate for a month." She sighs and smiles at me; there's something more hiding behind that smile. I know her well enough to know that.

"Did you love him?" I blurt out the question before I can think twice about it. Mom's smile drops, and she stiffens with my question. "Love who?" she plays dumb, turning back to face the pot again. Whatever is cooking in that pot must be interesting.

"You know who."

The room goes quiet. Neither of us says another word. I sit down on the stool at the bench and wait for her reply, but she's intent on ignoring my question entirely.

"Yes," she whispers so quietly I barely hear it, but I know what she said. Her shoulders slump, and she leans forward, holding on to the edges of the counter for stability.

She loved him. She loved Josh's dad. I need to know everything that went on between them. Mom wouldn't just fall in love with someone over a one-night stand; there has to be more to this than I know.

"Mom, if we are ever going to move on from this, we need to talk about it."

"I know, honey. I just-" she sighs and looks over her shoulder at me. "The last thing I would ever want is for you to be ashamed of me."

The fact she thinks I would ever be ashamed of her hurts. Yes, I was angry with her for what she did, but she is still my mom, and I love her regardless.

"Look, how about we set a time for us to have a  nice girl's night where we can just get it all out in the open?" I pose the question to her; she thinks it over for a second before a smile spreads on her face again. "I'd love that, sweetheart."

***

"So, he hasn't replied?" Liv asks when I show her my message to Josh. "No, he's probably going to run for the hills and never come back this time." I groan to myself, putting my phone back in my pocket. "Why did you even write, hi? What was the point?" Liv teases, but I'm not in the mood for her teasing right now.

"I don't know Liv, I panicked and hit send before I could think it through." She nods, thinking over what I just said, "well, if you ask me, I think he is the one scared, not you."

"What do you mean?" I ask curiously.

"Well, he is the one who said the L word and then bailed. Something is going on in that head of his that is scaring him."

I ponder this for a moment; it does make sense. Especially with the message. He sent me when he got home from the hospital. But still why wasn't he replying to me now? Maybe I should send him another message with actual words, sentences, anything other than just hi.

"Arent you supposed to be seeing him this afternoon?" Scott asks, and I shrug because who knows. I wouldn't be surprised if he bails on me. "How's your nose?" I ask, changing the subject, motioning towards the bandage strapped to Scott's nose, he shrugs, "it's fine."

I see Liv typing frantically on her phone from the corner of my eye, and I frown at her. "Who are you messaging?" she smirks but doesn't look up from her phone to face me.

"Josh."

"What?!" I panic, grabbing for her phone, but she pulls away just in time that my arm falls to the table beneath me. "Fuck," I grumble under my breath, rubbing my arm, "what are you doing?" panic filling my voice and Scott frowns at her. "Liv, drop it," he says, and I nod in agreement with him.

"Whatever you're doing, please stop," I beg, and she rolls her eyes. "Fine, I was just seeing how his dad was." I know she's lying by the smirk she's trying to hide.

I check my phone to see if maybe Josh had replied to me, but still, there was nothing, not even a read receipt.

Maybe he left his phone at his dad's? I know he has read receipts on, so I would've got one if he saw my message.

"Look, get ready tonight and see if he turns up," Liv breaks the silence, I look over at her. "He said he was picking you up around 7?" I nod, and she smiles. "Get ready like none of this ever happened, and he will show up. I know he will."

"Fine, but if he bails on me, you better take me out instead," she giggles and throws her arm over my shoulder. "I'll take you on the best date of your life if he doesn't show up, I promise."

Later that night, I stand in front of my mirror, all dressed and ready for my date with Josh. I look over at my phone, its 6:50 pm, so he should be here soon if he shows up at all. I remember he told me to dress warmly, so I'm wearing my favorite sweater and jeans with my hair down in loose waves.

"Hi." His deep drawl startles me, and I spin around to find Josh leaning against the doorframe to my bedroom. His smirk tells me he is teasing me because of my one-word message, but I'm annoyed with him, so I don't smile back.

"I didn't think you'd show up," I state, crossing my arms over my chest, closing myself off to him. I know he is dealing with a lot right now, but that isn't a good reason to ignore me or hurt me.

"I told you, BonBon, I'm not going anywhere."