kim suyeon
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it starts to pour , i hurriedly opened my umbrella , running to the park. not caring about my wet shoes.
i know it will break my heart if i saw renjun struggling. i hate to see it. i refuse to see it.
i don't know since when i start caring for him but i do.
i halted as i spotted renjun..
with seri.
doesn't he say he wanted to see me? why seri is here?
feels like something twisting me inside , i feel like crying. i feel offended. my grip loosened up , making the umbrella fall down in result. the sound catch their attention.
"s-suyeon.." renjun said , his state is the same as that day , the fragile renjun that i saw.
without grabbing my umbrella , i turned around before i run off.
i hate this feeling. i know i'm acting childish but it's hurts.
i was kind of excited when he said he wanted to see me. i was looking forward to it even though i'm worried for him. but why seri was there?
why did he makes me feel like i'm special but in reality i'm not?
i'm still running , even though the park is far behind me.
i don't think i want to go home and let doyoung see me like this. i had no choice but to see yangyang.
i arrived at his house , i try to knock slowly , not wanting to disturb mrs liu. thankfully , it was yangyang.
"suyeon! what's with you? why you're..-"
before he could continue , i hugged him. i was hurt.
"yang.." i mumbled as i finally broke down.
he patted my back.
"tell me later , let's make sure you're dry first." he said slowly , comforting me.
he lend me his hoodie. i sit on his bed. he walked towards me with a clean towel in his hand.
"use this to dry your hair."
i grabbed it without saying a word.
"what happened , yeon? your silence makes me nervous." he said as he stared at me , i can tell he is worried.
he took a seat beside me.
"tell me." he said as he stared at me.
i couldn't say anything.
he pulled me as he hugged me.
"i can't bear looking at you at this." he said again.
"what did renjun say to the point..-"
"he didn't say anything. i couldn't face him." i said.
"what happened exactly?" he asked , i can feel his breath on my ears as he speaks.
"yang , i..-" i couldn't finish my words , tears rolled over my cheeks.
i hate this , i feel like i'm so childish. but i'm hurt. i'm hurt over trivial things and i hate that.
renjun is not even mine. i don't even know if i like him or not.
"i don't know what happened but i assume something really happened that it affect you this way." he said again.
"thanks , yang." i said.
"suyeon , you know...i'm okay of being your second option. and i'm glad that i'm your second option. thanks for coming to me." he sounded sad.
i broke the hug as i stared at him. i'm confused , second option? what is he talking about?
"what do you mean by second option?" i asked as i wiped my tears.
"you know what , it's the aspect that i really hate about you...you're so slow-witted , suyeon." he said as he stared at me.
"yang.."
"i'll be straightforward because you seem like you haven't catch it yet. i like you , yeon." he said , his eyes are still locked with mine.
it's like the time stopped , we stared at each other but no one is saying anything. i try to organise my mind before i say something.
"if only you tell me sooner..." i said as i finally broke the eye contact.
yangyang on the side , i can see his eyes widened as i said that.
"you liked me..?" he asked.
"i'm sorry , yangyang." i said as i looked down , i can't look at his face.
"it's okay , renjun got your heart , i can't do anything about it." he said as he sighed.
"you can say you don't know if you like him or not , but i can see through you , yeon." he added.
he stands up as he walked to the window , looking out.
"the rain stopped , let's go. i'll walk you home. doyoung must be worried." he said as he turned around to see me.
i slowly looked up and stared at him without uttering any words.
"yeon , don't be like this. we're best friend , remember?" he said as he smiled.
"i'm sorry.."
"stop , i don't want to hear that." he said , the smile is still there.
he walked to me and grabbed my wrist.
"let's go." he said as he pulled my wrist.
yangyang walked me home , it's awkward and i can't say anything. will it be different if i still like him and confess first? will it be different if i refuse to meet renjun today? without me knowing , i sighed.
yangyang looked at me as we walk.
"whatever happened between you and renjun , i hope you solve it." he said.
"nothing happened , it was me who was overreacting." i said as i looked down.
"you're denying everything i said." he said as he sighed.
"even if i like him , i can't be sure if he likes me or not." i said as i looked up to yangyang.
"he will , believe me." yangyang said as he smiled.
"you're so annoying." i said to him.
"why are you attacking me out of nowhere?" he flustered.
"how come you're so okay? why you didn't get mad at me? i'm guilty.."
"it's not your fault. how can i be mad at you when it's not even your fault? it's your heart , suyeon. i can't do anything about it." he said as he faced me.
"i will never be mad at you just because you don't feel the same like i do. before i like you , you was my friend at the first place. that's matter." he said as he hugged me.
i exhale my breath slowly , feeling relaxed in his embrace. his warmth , as if it's only for me and that hurts me. i feel bad that i can't feel the same.
"whoever you like , i cheer for you." he said as he got away from me.
"so , don't be like this again." he added.
"thank you , yang...i'm..-"
"don't say you're sorry. if you do , i'm gonna leave you here." he said as he frowned.
"okay , i won't."
we proceed to walk to my house.
today was a rollercoaster.
