Loving Chaos

Chapter Eleven

I wiped my tears away as the memories flooded in me. All those memories with him were still as painful as before. I had lost a chance with him, then. My mind got lost, myself got hurt. But despite the pain, I still managed to stand up and be brave, for me and my Daddy. Alam ko sa sarili kong pinagsisisihan ko iyon, kung pwede lang ibalik ang nakaraan, matagal ko nang ginawa. Nabawi ko sana ang mga sinabi ko, nalinis ko sana ang gusto kong sabihin kay Franco noon, naipaliwanag ko sana ng maayos sa kanya para hindi na kami umabot pa sa hiwalayan.

But I guess, everything's different now. Mukhang wala na rin naman kay Franco iyon. At mukhang naka-move on na rin siya. I don't want him to think and see that it still affects me, that I still haven't moved on, even if it's true. Ang unfair naman kung siya naka-move on na tapos ako, hindi pa. Hindi ba? At least, just to save my pride.

At kahit may pagkakataon ngayon at naglandas ang buhay namin, ayoko pa ring maging tanga ulit sa kanya. Okay na sa'kin na maipaliwanag ang side ko. But I will never forget the lesson it taught me.

The words I said to him hurts him so much. I see it in his eyes, I know.. I have memorized everything in him. And it pains me more than he could ever imagine. To see the one you love hurting because of you is a great torture.

Sa ilang buwan naming magkasama at magkakilala, siguro hindi lang ako, dahil parehas kaming umasa na sa huli, magkakaroon ng paliwanag ang lahat, ang nararamdaman namin, everything.

Pero hindi dumating. Instead, it ended the way we never expected it. I feel so bad about it.

I sighed and looked at the peaceful beach ahead. Maya maya ay tumaas ang tingin ko, sa mga bituin. Halos padilim na talaga at may mga mumunti nang butuin ang nakasilip sa mga ulap. Namasa ang mga mata ko. Hanggang ngayon, masakit pa rin.

How could you ever forget something that haven't even started.. but, ended so soon?

"Chaos?"

Gulat akong napalingon sa pinto. Franco was standing near it. His eyes look so concerned and dark at the same time. Like the sky above and his eyes as the stars twinkling.

Pasimple kong agad na pinunasan ang aking mga pisngi. Ayokong makita niyang ganito ako. Ayokong ni isang bakas ng luha ay makita niya sa mga mata ko.

"Y-yeah?" I went near him to ask if he need anything. Franco opened the door a little bit. Finally seeing his body. Suot pa rin nito ang damit nito mula byahe.

"I was knocking at the door thrice, hindi ka sumasagot kaya binuksan ko na. Akala ko, kung may masamang nangyari sa'yo." His voice is deep, too. The look in his face made me tremble.

Binuksan? Ang huling natatandaan ko ay ni-lock ko ang pinto.

"May s-susi ka ng kwarto?" I innocently asked.

Franco smiled a little, but his eyes were telling me something.

"Yeah, this is my room.. afterall," anas nito.

Kulang ang salitang gulat sa narinig ko. Seriously? Kwarto niya ito? Eh bakit dito niya pa ako pinatuloy?

Wait.. No w-way..

"We'll be sharing the same room, Chaos." His smile faded but the intensity of his eyes were still there.

Agad gumapang ang kaba at excitement sa aking sistema. Bakit may excitement?

The thought of him and me sharing the same room made my hair rise. Hindi pwede! Baka magahasa ko siya!

I felt my cheeks burn with shame at the thought. Damn Chaos! Ikaw pa talaga ang gagahasa? Nasaan ang delikadeza mo?