A Thousand Times by E Janetulip

Chapter 11

"언제?"
"[When?]"

⭐

몰라... 언제 어떻게 [I don't know... when and how].

-Aurora (오로라)

2016. 07. 08.

It's been a week since he confessed his feelings to me. We haven't talked since then. The eyes of the guy I always like looking at, I haven't looked at them. I'm too shy to even meet his eyes let alone have a conversation with him and I'm too shy to admit what I also feel about him so I've been trying to avoid him for a week now.

     Avoiding him isn't easy. I feel so bad. He must be so confused. Last Monday was the hardest. He was really looking forward to me talking to him but I couldn't and wouldn't. Maybe because it was a new feeling for me. He was the first classmate that confessed to me and maybe because I like him back. On Tuesday and for the rest of the week, surprisingly Seonghwa didn't talk to me either. It was hard resisting myself to talk to him and the thing that breaks me more is when San told me Seonghwa kept glancing at me for the whole week like he wanted to talk to me. I'm kinda glad he's not my seatmate anymore or else the world is about to end.

     After school ended today, I went to the café Seonghwa and I hang out before and saw his sister. When she noticed me sitting there alone, she sat with me staying in the shop and we started talking for a while.

     "나... (Na...)" she started looking a bit hesitant. I felt like I already knew exactly what she was going to tell me. "제가 이렇게 말해도 괜찮을지 잘 모르겠지만... 내가 말할게 [I'm not so sure if it's okay for me to say this but... I'm gonna say it. 

     "내 남동생은 너를 좋아한다 [My brother likes you]," she finally told me and took a sip of her bubble tea.

     I knew it.

     Her boldness made me gulped as my hand made its way to grab my drink to take a sip before opening my mouth. "Last Friday... 나한테 고백했어요 [he confessed to me]," I said meeting her eyes that became bigger with what his brother did.

     "설마, 자백했어? [No way, he did?]"

     I shyly nodded my head avoiding eye contact with her.

     "너도 그를 좋아하니, 내 동생? [Do you feel the same way as him?]," she asked sounding so interested to know about my answer. It's really weird talking about this with his sister but I also consider her as my older sister.

     I finally met her eyes and I took a deep breath. "언니~ (Eonnie~) 하지만 그에게 말하지 마세요 [but don't tell him].

     "그에게 말하지 않을게 [I won't tell him], 약속해 (yagsoghae)," promising me.

     Sticking our pinky fingers and her telling me the word promise made me calm.

     "네, 너의 남동생 성화 오빠는... 나 좋아요 (Neh, neoui namdongsaeng Seonghwa oppaneun... na johayo)," I confessed and continued telling eonnie everything, that I am shy and I'm avoiding his younger brother this week.

     She was surprised, she didn't see my actions coming. "너는 그를 좋아하지만 피하는 거니? [You like him but you're avoiding him?]"

     "네 (Neh)," I nodded my head feeling ashamed. Feeling bad, I let out a deep sigh, "알아요 (Alayo), I feel bad for avoiding him."

     "아이고, 언제 말할 거야? (Aigo, eonje malhal geoya?)" asking when I am going to tell him how I feel.

     I shrugged my shoulders, "몰라요 (Mollayo)."

     "아이고 (Aigo)," she repeated her word shaking her head at me.

     "언니~ 제발 도와주세요! (Eonnie~ jebal dowajuseyo!)" I pleaded, asking for her help.

     "준비가 되면 그에게 말하되 곧 말해 주어야 한 [Tell him when you are ready but you need to tell it soo-]," she was cut off when her phone started ringing. She picked it up and answered the call.

     "어? 왜? (Eo? Wae?)"

     "누나, 빨리 집에 와. 엄마가 널 찾고 있어 (Nuna, ppalli jibe wa, eommaga neol chajgo isseo)," I heard the voice of the guy I've been avoiding on the other line telling her sister to come home quickly, their mom was looking for her.

     "응, 가는 길이야 (Eung, ganeun giriya)," she said informing her brother she was on her way home before hanging up. Turning to me she told me she needed to go, "오로라, 나 간다 (Aurora, na ganda)." I nodded my head telling her it's okay as she stood up from her seat and left the café.

     Once again, I was left alone sitting in the store eating my food.

     Tonight, I'm lying on my bed remembering the conversation Seungmin eonnie and I had earlier and let that sink in. A question she asked was flooding in my mind, "when am I gonna tell him?"

     언제? When?

     Thinking about it, at first, I wasn't even planning on telling him it's just going to be my little secret that no one will ever know, but that already changed. My best friend knows and now Seonghwa's older sister too. 

      It changed when the first day of July happened. On that day, he told me what he feels and now I need to tell him my feelings too, but the thing is I don't know when and how.

     "아이고 오로라야 (Aigo Aurora-ya)," I heard my mind said. I've been hearing those words multiple times now from my subconscious mind. When will it stop?

     아 어떡해? (Ah eotteoghae?) My head hurts just by thinking about it.