A Thousand Times by E Janetulip

End of The Beginning

"때가 되면 다시 서로를 찾을지도 몰라."
"[Maybe when the time is right, we'll find each other again]."

⭐

In another lifetime, I'd do it all again a thousand times.

-Aurora (오로라)

Friday, 03 April 2020

My parents and I arrive home. My older brother goes back to his apartment because he has all his things in that place and because he still has a lot of things to do. It's his last year in college, and you know how busy being a college student is. I am glad he even got to celebrate with us.

     Tonight, I celebrate my birthday. We had dinner at a fancy restaurant together with my closest friends: Sonia, Gabby, and Kennedy. The foods were amazing. I had and I'm still having a great time. Thanks to the people around me, they are the reason.

     I'm 21 now. I know, time goes by so fast, and that's for sure.

     I've received a lot of birthday wishes and gifts from them and other people. I told them I don't want anything for my birthday, all I need is their presence and to celebrate my birthday with me. However, the gifts are already there waiting for me to open them which is why I couldn't do anything but accept them.

     I am really grateful to have them.

     I place some of the gifts in our living room as my mom comes in with some more in her hand. Once the car got emptied with the gifts and are already on our living room floor, I wasted no time opening all of them.

"To Aurora,

Happy birthday! I hope you have the best birthday ever. You deserve it.

P.S. I know how much you hate people spending their money to buy you gifts so I made you this. Hope you like it.

Love,
Gabby"

     "Omg, Gabby gave me this? Mom look at what she gave me. I can't believe she did this." I say referring to the canvas with dried paint of the aurora borealis.

     "너무 예쁘다 [It's so pretty]," I mumble, looking closely at the masterpiece.

     I love everything they have given me: designer bags, perfumes, makeup, necklace, a molang plush toy, painting of the aurora borealis... Mom and Dad got me a new car as a present even though my other car works just fine and still looks brand new. I still can't believe it's already in our garage and it is not just a car, it is my dream car. I didn't fail to say thank you and the hugs when they showed me. I'm really thankful to have them in my life. What did I do to deserve all of these?

     I also did not forget to tell everyone how thankful I am for their gifts even if they do not need to and respond to their birthday greetings through social media and texts after cleaning the living room and flopping down on the sofa.

     With all the things I've done during this day, I'm so exhausted. I straighten my back before standing up from the sofa.

     "엄마 (Eomma), I'll go upstairs now," I tell her.

     I go upstairs, ready to go back and see my old room after convincing myself a thousand times. It's been like forever since I've seen and been to my old room. When I have free time, I always visit my parents from my apartment, but I wouldn't and couldn't go upstairs to my room; it brings a lot of memory.

     I moved out of my parent's house when I started college here in America. What I studied for college in Korea is a waste since the education systems between Korea and America are so different. We moved here back in late July 2018, and college starts here in early September, so I got to do it all over again. But I'm trying to look at the positive side and take what I studied to my advantage.

     I arrive in front of the white door and my heart begins thumping fast. My hand reaches for the doorknob, but I let go.

     Am I really ready?

     "Just open it," I mumble to myself. Three words that sound so easy to do but I can't bring myself in.

     I can do it.

     I ask myself once again and reassure myself that I am really ready as my hand touches the doorknob. I twist it and I let out a loud sigh before opening it completely.

     My hand reaches for the switch to turn on the lights and when I do, I see my old room. It still looks the same. Nothing has changed including the chair. Everything is the same. Everything is the same here. All of my things are still here. I feel like the 21-year-old me is meeting my 19-year-old me.

     I take a step, I'm finally in my old room again. The one I was trying to avoid and forget but I'm here now after a long time. My eyes scan the room. It seems like I'm in a familiar space but at the same time, it doesn't seem like it. Being here gives me nostalgia.

     I notice that there is a bouquet of yellow tulips on the table. I already know it is from my mom. I approach it to see it comes with a letter.

     My hand goes and grabs the note. "Happy Birthday! 생일 축하해 오로라야 항상 행복해라. -엄마 [Happy Birthday Aurora-ya. Always be happy. -Mom]," the letter reads.

     A small smile appears on my lips and the thumping I feel seems to lessen. She always gives me a bouquet of yellow tulips when it's my birthday. She never forgets. She never misses giving me my favorite flower, tulips.

     I put down the letter before laying down on my bed and just staring at the ceiling. Once again, letting out a loud sigh. I can't believe I'm here in my old room. I stay lying down, thinking about everything that has happened.

     Realizing I still need to remove my makeup, shower, and change the dress I am wearing to some comfy pajamas I get up when something caught my eye. It is a familiar black notebook.

     The one that I'd almost forgotten.

     I feel my heart begin beating faster than before. It is my diary. I grab it carefully, slightly smiling as I run my fingertips on the familiar black notebook where I used to always write the best and worst days of my life. The notebook that has all my secrets in my high school years. My diary that knows my feelings. My safe place.

     I place it on my study desk and begin getting ready for bed. Deciding to read it later once I'm out of the shower.

     Showering feels refreshing. It's like therapy for me. It is that good but I cannot help my mind wondering about the notebook I have.

     After a few minutes, I'm almost done, just finishing my business by making my hair into a bun.

     Completely done with my business, I grab the notebook and sit on my bed. I begin flipping the cover, revealing my handwritten. My body stop for a second not moving and holding my breath when I see the inside. I am feeling so many emotions as a shaky sigh escapes my mouth. Flipping through the pages makes me feel so nervous but I continue to go on. Not now. Now that I'm ready to read what happened and look back on what I felt in the past.

     With another flip, it starts again.

     Aurora, here it goes...