A Thousand Times by E Janetulip

Chapter 24

"어떤 슬픔도 올 수 없게 언제까지나 그댈 지켜줄 거예요."
"[I will watch over you so no sadness will ever get to you]."

⭐

The start of the nightmare.

-Aurora (오로라)

2018. 03. 16.

College. It started this week March 12th. It's now Friday. I've been in college for 5 days now. High school is so different from college. For this week, we haven't really done too much. We met our professors, classmates and I met some new friends. The cafeteria on the campus is the best. I love the food. There's a lot of variety to choose from. The University campus is huge. I couldn't count how many times I got lost. But I'm sure I'll get used to it.

It's funny how a few months ago I already wanted to end high school. The irony. Look at me now, I'm in college. I added another four years for me to spend my life in school. Well, its life. It be like that sometimes. That's how it goes. We say and do stupid things.

I was supposed to study college in America just like my brother but I can't do that because of Seonghwa. I don't know what will happen to us if I'd go to America to study. And my best friend, San and my parents, I couldn't leave them. I couldn't just leave them.

Seonghwa and I talked about this while we were on our trip to Jeju. I told him about the possibility of me studying in America. The second he heard those words came out of my mouth his face suddenly turned serious. He tried not to show it and told me as long as I'm happy with my decision he'd respect it. At that moment, I remember I hope I didn't ruin his mood during the trip. I could feel he got worried and sad but I assured him a thousand times I wouldn't.

I just moved into my new apartment three days before school started. This place is full of white things, white furniture, white sheets, white walls, white carpets, white doors... and me. I'm just kidding, I'm not even full white, I'm half white. Anyway, the view of sunset in my room is beautiful and when the night comes the city lights are also beautiful to look at. Sometimes when the weird side of me kicks in I act like I'm one of the actresses in a movie where they stare outside, looking at no particular. It is also great when I feel like being emotional when I just wanna cry for no particular reason. I don't know I do that sometimes. Listen to sad songs in full volume, feeling the lyrics, wanting to make myself sad.

I like my apartment, it is spacious but it's too spacious for me to just live in. However, my parents insisted and got me this place. They said I like doing things in our kitchen whether it's baking or cooking and this place has a big kitchen for me, perfect for me to do it when I feel like doing it. That's why I ended up in this place and having a kitchen on my own.

To be close to my school, I moved out, living alone in my apartment. But at the same time, I'm kinda not that far away from my parent's house so I could still visit them if I have time but traffic is my enemy. San and Seonghwa also moved out of their houses in late February. They are not in college but they are pursuing their idol career. For me, I chose to become a psychologist and enroll in a Uni. Finally, I know what I want to become. I still want to become a singer but my interest in psychology since I was a kid got the best of me.

Even though we're not living near each other we can still meet each other. They visited me sometime in my apartment a day before the school year even began. We went out just like what we used to when we were in high school.

Saying that makes it feel like it happened years ago, when in fact we just graduated exactly one month when it was my first day in College. Thinking about it makes me want to let out a deep sigh. I already miss high school. I miss our high school teachers, old classmates, our classroom, our old school. The campus where I spent 3 years of my life. That place makes me think of our house since school is close to our house. Within ten minutes of walking, I'm already in front of our apartment building. Good old times.

I feel alone without them. Maybe I'm feeling this way because I got used to us being together all the time. The three of us were inseparable. I remember during the weekend of high school, the two of them decided to go to our house just to wake me up. I couldn't believe my parents allowed them inside our house to disturb my slumber. They know I always wake up late during weekends and they decided to team up just to do that. At that time, I was so angry at them to the point that I don't want to talk to them for a week. Well, that didn't happen. They threatened me they'd do it again if I stayed angry. Oh my, how I miss those moments even though they annoyed me all the time I still want them around me. With less than 5 minutes, we're already in each other's house. But that's life, we can't just be together all the time when I want to. They have a life to live. Dreams to come true. Their world doesn't revolve around me 24/7.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them in pursuing what they want in life. If they're happy, I'm also happy. Who am I to tell my best friend and boyfriend what they shouldn't do and what to do. I support them in everything. It is their dreams after all. I hope they succeed in their goal. I can't wait any longer to attend their concerts, see them in the different stages and arenas to perform. I'll always be there for them when they need me and even if they don't need me.

I'm already ending this I don't want to make myself sadder than I actually am right now. I'm just making myself miss them even more. I should get used to me leaving alone for now and wait for four years to pass by.