Sober, I'll Come Over (Revelry Series #1)

Hakbang 6

I spent that night with a wine on my hand... and Ram on my side.

We didn't talk. We just stayed there watching other people enjoy the Christmas. I received calls from different people but I didn't answered any. Pinatay ko na lang iyong phone ko dahil gusto kong tahimik lang sa gabing iyon.

Hinatid ako ni Ram sa suite ko bandang ala una ng madaling araw. Hindi ko alam kung saan sya magsstay at hindi na rin ako nakialam. I don't wanna fight with someone. Kahit iyon na lang ang isabuhay ko sa paskong ito.

"I'll leave tomorrow morning." I said to him before entering my room.

He nodded and looked at me intently. "What time, Miss Allura?"

"Seven in the morning."

"Gising na ako nyan, Miss Allura."

Huminga ako nang malalim. Don't tell me he'll be with me again tomorrow? He should be with his family!

Pero dahil ayaw ko na makipagtalo pa, tumango na lang ako at pumasok na. Bahala na bukas kung sasama sya. Bahala na at gusto ko na lang mapag-isa ngayon.

When I settled inside my room, I called the room service and ordered Chianti wine, parmigiano reggiano, and pecorino cheese to celebrate with myself. As I was sipping on my glass, I can't help but to think about some things...

What does it feel to have a complete family?

Anak ako sa labas ni Daddy, iyon ang totoo. He cheated on Tita Graciela and he had me. Magkasing edad pa kami ni Achlys kaya mas lalong nagalit si Tita sakanya. That was all in the past and Tita Graciela already forgave him but you see... it will never be forgotten.

I am the living proof of my father's infidelity. I can't imagine what Tita Graciela feels whenever she looks at me. So I completely understand why she doesn't like me.

Basing everything from my life situations, I already know what I want.

Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na hinding hindi ako magtataksil sa mapapangasawa ko. I will never cheat because I know how it feels. I am a product of it.

This is why even though I love my family, I still feel that there's a boundary. People may never understand me because they don't know how it feels. Hindi man pinaramdam sa akin na iba ako sakanila, sa sarili ko, ramdam ko iyon. I feel like an outcast. Na nakikisabit ako sa pamilya nila kaya ang mga ganitong pagkakataon, binibigay ko sakanila.

Kaya ko naman mag-isa. Ilang taon na na umaalis ako tuwing ganito at kinaya ko naman. I guess it's worth it whenever I think about them. That they had their quality time. Iyong sila lang. Iyong totoong pamilya.

I was mad at my mother for leaving me but as time passes by, I forgot the pain. Hindi na ako galit at hindi ko na rin sya hinahanap. Napalaki naman ako ni Daddy nang wala sya kaya bakit ko pa sya kakailanganin? I don't need people who don't need me.

And when the time comes and I'll have my own child, I will never leave them. Gagampanan ko ang pagiging ina kahit mahirap. I don't understand people who abandoned their own flesh. Sariling laman at dugo mo ipapamigay mo?

But maybe I'm just saying this coz I'm hurt that she left me. Na nasasabi ko lang 'to kasi nasaktan ako. Na sinasabi kong hindi ko naiintindihan pero ang totoo, at the back of my head, I know not all people have the privilege to raise a child. Mahirap sakanila kaya napipili nilang ipamigay, or sometimes... abortion. I'm not against it, actually. Women have all the rights with their own bodies.

Siguro ang hindi ko lang naiintindihan ay 'yong totoo kong ina. Because I didn't know why she left.

That's why I never depend on anyone. Dahil kung nakaya akong iwan ng sarili kong ina... paniguradong kaya akong iwan ng ibang tao.