The Archer's Curse

15

I gathered all my strength bago ako kumawala sa yakap niya. I wiped my tears away and diverted my gaze so I won't see Jax.

"Are you tired?" he suddenly asked while looking directly below us.

We are about to reach the peek of the ride so the view gets more exciting and calming at the same time.

"Sobra" I nodded refraining myself to look at him "Nakakapagod magpanggap na okay ka pa at kaya mo pa, nakakapagod patunayan yung sarili mo sa mga taong hindi naman nakikita yung efforts mo" I confessed.

It was hard for me to talk about my problems. I would rather choose to comfort others than to tell them that I'm suffering too. He stayed silent but I felt him nodded like he was ready to listen to everything I say.

I let out a small sigh before looking down. I guess I have to vent this out to someone right?

"Since my mom died, everything seems so difficult. I always have to prove myself to everyone, that I'm good enough to be trusted and that I can do better things" I felt my eyes heat up so I breath deeply "Pero kahit anong gawin ko, I would still be branded as walang kwenta o pabigat. I did all I can para lang maiba yung tingin nila sa akin. I applied into different scholarships, nag-entrance exam ako sa big four para naman masabi nila kahit minsan lang na magaling ako, na proud sila sa akin" I looked at Jax and I can see sadness in his eyes.

I smiled sadly at him before looking ahead of us "I passed all those entrance examinations, and wala silang binabayaran na kahit ano ngayon para sa pag-aaral ko. Kahit yung dorm ko, I was the one paying it, from my scholarship grants. Kahit konti hindi ako humihingi sa kanila. But still, pabigat parin ako at walang kwenta" I laughed sarcastically with a hint of pain.

It was hard, it was tough.

"Your dad?" he asked carefully like he don't want to hit a sensitive spot in me.

"My father left us, for another woman" I stated that made him look at me.

"Is that the reason why you're afraid to fall in love?" I laughed a little because of what he said.

I looked at him straight in the eyes "Who says I'm afraid?" I chuckled "Hindi lang talaga totoo yung love, maybe sa family and friends oo but to someone special? Nah" I answered that made his forehead knot.

Love, it's subjective.

"You're afraid Cali, stop running away from that reality" it suddenly felt like I bumped into something hard that made me realize something.

Right, I am afraid.

"I guess, I am. Wala pa kong nakilalang lalaking hindi nagloko. Mismong si tatay nga niloko si nanay, iniwan kami, pano pa yung iba diba? Iiwan lang din nila ako" I smiled bitterly because of it.

I learned the hard way that love won't do us good. It just won't.

"Kaya para hindi ako iwan, ako ang mang-iiwan" I said at ibinaling ko ang tingin kay Jax.

He was so serious that he won't even look at me. We were at the peek of the ferris wheel so I smiled unconsciously on the view.

"It's fine to be weak Cali, you've been strong for too long" he said looking sincerely at me "Nandito ako, I will always be here to be your strength Cali, so you can be weak, you can rest" he suddenly smiled at me that made my heart stop.

It was like I was punched by an overwhelming emotion by his words.

All my life, I was being this strong for all the people I love, and to finally have someone who made me feel that I can be just myself and that I can stop pretending that I'm tough, makes my heart hurt, and at the same time elated.