I had everything in order.
My visa was renewed, my passport was payed for, the hotel I was staying at when I landed was payed for, My bags were packed.
Everything was going how it was supposed to. Except one thing. I couldn't ignore the screaming pain in my heart tellig me to stay. But I was doing the right thing. Right? Because now I wasn't so sure.
Was I doing the right thing by keeping this from him? God that was a stupid question. Of course I was. I couldn't ruin his career over one stuid mistake we made. I would live with the consequences of having his baby. And he would go on being the brilliant popstar he is, without having to worry about all the responsibilities having a baby comes with.
I was 18 years old. I was a legal adult. I didn't need someone to hel me raise this baby. I COULD do it on my own.
I hope.
NO NO NO NO NO I CAN DO THIS!
It's like having a puppy, only that puppy cries and whines and ugh I really need to stop thinking about this.
I rolled over to see Harry's sleeping face. His lip was slightly pouty. Even when he was sleeping he was beautiful. I couldn't ruin his life with this.
My decision was made.
I rose slightly and looked over Harry at the alarm clock on our bedside table. 'Sigh' His bedside table. My plane leaves in 2 hours. I slowly got out of the bed trying my hardest not to make a sound or a move that would make him wake up. I successfully made it out of the room without waking him up.
I ran to the living room and pulled my backpack out from under the sofa, where I had hidden it earlier that day while Harry was out recording. I put all the things I needed into it which included my laptop, my iphone, my wallet and I.D, and my ipod. I quickly zipped it up.
As I was walking out the door I was fighting back the tears I had promised myself I wouldn't let fall from my eyes. I dropped the letter on the table I had written to him earlier. I quietly shut the door and began to sob. I had called for a cab and while I was on my way to the airport I had thought about what I had said in the letter.
Dear Harry,
When you read this I will have been long gone. I wan't you to know that this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my entire life. Leaving you is the hardest thing in the world. But I have to do it. There is nothing you could have said or done to make me change my mind about my decision to leave. It has nothing to do with the fact that I don't love you, because I do. I always have and I always will. But sometimes you have to let the ones that you love go. Which is why I'm asking you; please don't come looking for me. If your truly love me you'll let me go. You have made my life worth living, but it's time for me to let go and do things on my own for a change. I'm sorry it has to be this way but I couldn't stand to look you in your beautiful face and tell you this. I probably couldn't have. You were my everything Harry. But it's time to move on. You'll keep living your life and you'll soon forget I evr existed. I promise. You're going to keep on being the famous popstar you are and I'll go back to being the normal 18 year old girl I am. I can't describe to you how much you mean to me or how much I love you because words don't describe it. But please, let me go. Let me fly Harry. I'm so sorry.
xxx- Evelyn
I dried my eyes as I handed the flight attendant my ticket. She ushered me to my seat and I sat in the seat looking into the dark morning light. Soon he would wake up and read the letter that devistated me. He'd never forgive me for this. Hell I'm never going to forgive myself for this. But it was the right thing to do.
