A Walking Dilemma [COMPLETED]

Chapter Sixteen [16]

Burying my feelings isn't easy at all. Palagi kong sinasabi sa sarili na hindi kami pwede, na ayoko. I kept my feelings for a while now hanggang sa hindi ko na namamalayan na lumalala. Ganun pala 'yun noh? If you bury it, it would grow. Hanggang sa hindi mo na mapigilan, hanggang umabot ka sa punto na gustong gusto mo na siya.

Falling in love isn't easy as counting one to three... atleast for me. I made it hard for myself, but I don't regret anything. I wasn't ready back then. As time passes by, I came to realized that I can't lose Apollo to someone. I can't see him flirting with someone else. Masiyadong masakit para tiisin.

I'm literally holding my top to cover my body. Hindi ko pa siya sinusuot, I'm too tired to do it anyway. We just finished making out and... I don't know where to start. Hindi ko alam kung kakausapin ko ba siya.

He buttoned his polo and looked at me after. Kitang kita ang pamumula ng mukha niya dahil sa nangyari kanina, he's still sweaty so I decided to get his towel and wipe it out.

Hindi ko alam kung gusto ba 'ko ni Apollo, he never told me anything. I never assumed, mas naging focus ako sa pagburol ng nararamdaman ko. As I was staring to his eyes, I can't help myself but to ask if he likes me.

If not, it would fucking break me apart.

"Are you my girlfriend now?" he asked me as he stared at me.

"Do you like me?" I asked him instead.

He licked his lips.

"I liked you for two years now, Aly knows it," he told me as he pressed his lips together.

Halos mapanganga ako sa sinabi niya. Two years? That's too long, ang pagkakaalala ko ilang buwan pa lang kami magkakilala. Tinignan ko siya nang nagtataka.

"Okay I'd tell you the story, but can you please wear your shirt first?" ani niya at tumingin sa malayo.

I looked down to my body at napansing lumalabas na ang side boob ko, umiling na lang ako at sinuot na rin. Nakatingin pa rin si Apollo sa malayo. Napaka arte, parang hindi niya 'ko hinawakan kanina kung makaiwas. Nang matapos ako sa pagbibihis, binalik niya agad ang tingin sa 'kin.

"You were with Aly back then, you were always wearing your frowned face as if you never liked watching a basketball game. I saw how you rolled your eyes whenever someone who isn't part of our team shoots... I found it amusing," he chuckled.

Naalala ko na 'yun yung unang beses na nagkaroon ng fascination si Aly sa mga basketball players, halos paulit-ulit niyang pinapanood yung mga previous games ng team namin sa dorm. Hanggang sa inaya niya 'ko manood ng live, I didn't agree but she promised me that she'd never ask me to drink alcohols again pag sumama ako nang isang beses. So I did.

"I found you really cute that time. Halos hinihintay kita bawat game but you never went to our games again. I kept on seeing Aly because she's really close with the team. I never had the gut to ask her about you, but you know her. Nalaman niya rin na may gusto ako sa 'yo."

"How did she found out?"

"I... kinda asked her where you guys go frequently and she said library. She was surprised when she saw me there pretending to read a book."

"Obviously, nalaman niya dahil doon," ani ko

Tumango naman siya.

"Yeah, but she didn't talk about it. She told me that she respects my feelings so she's gonna zip her mouth... but damn gustong gusto ko sabihin sa kaniya na ipakilala ako sa 'yo."

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi?"

"I'm...too shy" sabi niya at agad umiwas ng tingin

After he said that, I lost it. I finally lost it. Tumawa na ako nang malakas. He looks very mature outside because of his physique and serious face, but who would have thought that he's shy when it comes to girls?

"Don't laugh," he said frowning

"Okay okay, I'd stop. Please continue."

"I never had the gut to ask her about you. So I frequently went to the library even though I hate books, just to see you. Until I saw you crying while holding your exam paper. You looked very disappointed... at that time, I realized you were really serious to your studies"

"I literally stopped after that, I don't want to ruin you or your dreams. I'm not the best person for you. I like you that much... that even though it hurts me to stop, I still did. Your dream isn't just precious for you, it's precious to me as well."

Kinagat ko ang labi ko para mapigilang hindi maiyak. Namamangha ako pero naiiyak din. Ang gulo. Noong mga panahon na 'yun, pinagdududahan ko pa yung abilidad ko sa pagsusulat. Nakakakuha ako ng mababang score kahit anong aral ko, it made me feel numb. Kung nilapitan niya ako noong panahon na 'yun, I'd reject him without any hesitation.

Sobrang pangarap ko 'to. Sabi nga nila sobrang ambisyosa ko.

"Your dreams are my dreams, I wanted to see you pursue your dreams and do the things that you are passionate about."

Ngumiti siya sa 'kin.

"Until you asked me for your paper."

"Aly recommended you," ani ko at ngumiti lang siya.

"I'm thankful for that," ani niya

Tumahimik kami nang saglit. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ko pa madidigest lahat ng sinabi niya. He likes me for so long now... it must be hard for him not to take a step forward.

"Do you like me, Karlette?"

"Hindi naman ako kakandong sa 'yo kung hindi." ani ko at inirapan siya.

Tumawa siya nang malakas

"I was literally nervous before I decided to ask that question," ani niya

"Bakit naman?"

"Because If you'd tell me you don't want me, I'd stop. I always value your opinion. I always respect your consent. I will always respect you"

I stopped myself from kissing him again, I never thought I'd like him this much. God! Paano ka hindi magkakagusto sa taong nirerespeto ang buong pagkatao mo? That's everything!

"Don't worry, I like you... a lot. Kaya nga girlfriend mo na 'ko diba?" ani ko

"You're serious right?"

"Yeah, I'm so done running away from my feelings. I wasted a lot of time already. Gusto na kitang makasama," ani ko

He smiled, as in he showed me his sincere smile and hugged me right away.

"Fuck, this is such a dream. I always wanted to be with you, and now it's happening."