A Walking Dilemma [COMPLETED]

Chapter Fourty Seven [47]

I can still remember how his eyes turned red after saying good bye to me before I went back to US. Seryoso lang siyang nakatingin sa akin at hindi kailanman nagtanong tungkol sa inoffer sa akin ng professor ko. I can feel how much he wants me to stay there but he didn't say anything.

"You're so lucky! You are the only student he noticed! And he wants you in their company!" my classmate exclaimed

Ngumiti lang ako sa kaniya. She is one of the most intelligent and talented person in this room. Ngiting ngiti siya habang nagsasalita, I told her about our professor's offer at sobra siyang natuwa.

"Gosh, that's a big big big deal," ani niya

Dumiretso kami sa malaking cafeteria rito at nagsimulang pumila para umorder ng pagkain. Tahimik lang akong sumasabay kay Ana habang patuloy siya sa pagsasalita. Pagkatapos umorder ay umupo na rin kami. Matagal na kami nagkakausap ni Ana, and we've been friends because of our similar classes. She's very competent and wise when it comes to her own studies, mas nakatulong 'yun sa akin para mas mag-aral maigi.

"In a few months, you'll go back to your hometown? For a vacation?"

Tumango ako sa kaniya

"Someday, I'll visit there too," ani niya at nagsimula na kumain

Umuwi na ako pagkatapos ng mga klase ko at nagsimulang magtrabaho. I called Apollo after finishing my work but he didn't respond. Mas naging busy na talaga siya nang gumraduate siya. He is assessing his career in his basketball and starting his plan regarding to his business. Nakatulog na ako pagkatapos kong makita na hindi siya nagreply.

Pagkagising ko kinabukasan I saw his reply, apologizing for not responding. Nagmessage agad ako sa kaniya na ayos lang at tumuloy na sa pag-aayos ng sarili para sa pagpasok sa klase. I saw Krixtoff inside the campus pero may kasama siyang mga iba niyang kaibigan. He looks happy and joyful while walking with them.

Napangiti ako

I hope he's in a better place now

Dumaan ang maraming buwan and my routine repeats. I bit my lip while walking towards to my professor who offered me a desirable job. The job that everyone would like. Pinanood ko muna umalis ang mga kaklase ko at nakita na nakaupo pa rin sa lamesa ang professor namin habang may tinitipa sa laptop niya. Napalunok ako at tumuloy sa paglapit sa kaniya.

"Good day, Sir"

Agad siyang napatingin sa akin at seryosong tumingin.

"You finally decided?"

Tumango ako

"Yes"

"I appreciate your offer and I would be forever grateful by it. However, I would like to apologize because I can't accept it."

I pursed my lips together

I'm certain that I will never regret my decision

"It's your loss, Ms. Marqueza"

"I'm aware, Sir"

"You will gain a lot there as a journalist. Knowledge, experience, career name, high salary. Name it."

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya

"Are you sure already?" he asked

"I'm more than sure, Sir. Thank you for this wonderful opportunity"

Tumango siya at bumalik na sa ginagawa. Napahinga ako nang malalim nang makalabas na ako sa kwarto na 'yun.

My life isn't here, that's the truth.

I always want to stay in my hometown. The oppressed and the marginalized sector need me there. Kailangan nila ng maraming tao na magsisilbing boses nila. Yun ang una kong naging pangarap bago maging isang magaling na journalist.

To help them, to help them voice out their thoughts. Hindi nun matutumbasan ang mataas na sweldo na maibibigay sa akin dito.

Dumaan man ang maraming taon, pipiliin ko pa rin na tulungan sila. Pipiliin ko pa rin na pakinggan at ipaglaban sila. Hindi ko 'yun magagawa kung nandito ako. I can help them more If I'm there and can hear their stories.

And Apollo. I know he isn't saying anything about this offer. Pero alam kong nahihirapan siya, hindi niya alam kung saan siya lulugar pag tinanggap ko ang offer. I told him, I'll come back and when I come back I'll be better. I could prioritize him already. I could give him the exact affection he is giving to me.

I smiled silently

He waited for so long

He has been very patient to me, from my busy days up to my character development. He never gave up to me.

I saw him calling, sinagot ko agad at ngumiti ako pagkakita ko sa kaniya.

Finally,

I'm choosing him

****

Kinagat ko ang labi ko bago igawad ang huling paalam ko sa mga naging kaibigan ko rito, I already received my certificates of recognition and excellence. Hindi ko mapigilang maluha habang tinitignan ko si Ana na umiiyak na.

"I will miss you, I'll go to your place when I finally decide to visit your hometown, aight?"

Tumango ako at niyakap siya. Inaya niya ako bumili ng ice cream bago ako magpaalam na ulit. I waved my hand as I walk away from her. I'm really grateful to my friends here, mas napadali ang buhay ko dahil sa kanila. Kung wala sila malamang puro aral at trabaho lang ang ginagawa ko rito, I won't have the chance to appreciate this whole country without them. They would invite me to different places specifically Ana para lang mapakita nila sa akin kung gaano kaganda rito.

I will miss everyone

Bago ako umuwi sa unit ko, dumiretso ako kung saan nakatira si Krixtoff. We haven't talked for how many months and I'm fine with it, I respect his decision, I respect his personal space. Pero kailangan ko na rin magpaalam sa kaniya.

I wrote him a letter. Ilalagay ko na lang ito sa mailbox niya. I told him that I'm leaving and I'm grateful for his whole existence. Napahinga ako nang malalim bago unti unting nilalagay yung papel. Nagulat ako nang makitang lumabas si Krixtoff na nakaayos.

He looked surprised when he saw me pero agad din siyang ngumiti

"Karlette"

"Ah... aalis na rin ako," ani ko at isinara agad ang mailbox

"What's that?"

"Letter of good bye?"

"Right... you're finished already," ani niya at tumango

"Yeah"

"You are going back to the Philippines?"

"Oo, aalis na ako sa susunod na araw. I will just pack my things, then I'll go"

"Thank you again, Krixtoff"

Tumango siya

"Congratulation and take care, Karlette"

"See you," ani niya at naglabas ng hilaw na ngiti

"Take care," I told him before I walk away.

Pagkauwi ko ay agad kong inayos ang mga iba kong natirang gamit. I started packing last month, kaya kaunti na lang ang aayusin ko. Sisiguraduhin ko na lang na wala akong nakalimutan.

Hindi alam ni Apollo na uuwi na ako, I didn't even tell him that I rejected my professor's offer.

Atlast, I'm going home to him.

No regrets.