A Walking Dilemma [COMPLETED]

Chapter Fourty One [41]

Hindi ko maiwasang umiwas ng tingin dahil sa sinabi ni Aly. Binaba kami ng driver sa harapan ng building ng dorm namin. Dahan dahan akong naglalakad na parang nawalan ng enerhiya. My heart is still heavy, I decided to sit on the stairs before the entrance door.

Narinig ko ang buntong hininga ni Aly at tumabi siya sa akin.

"Apollo really loves you," ani niya habang seryosong nakatingin sa kawalan.

Madilim na ang paligid dahil gabi na, halos wala na ring ilaw na nakabukas. It is very quiet, so peaceful that I can't even breathe.

"I know," I said while nodding my head. Kung may nag-iisang tao na nakakasigurado ng nararamdaman ni Apollo sa 'kin. Ako 'yun.

"It all started nung inimbitahan kita sa basketball game ng university natin. You were really frowning back then! Hindi mo man lang pinigilan," natatawang sabi ni Aly

Napangiti ako

"Doon ka niya napansin at unang nakita. Sobrang seryoso nun sa buhay, alam mong close ako sa team diba? I needed to be close with them para maging maayos ang daloy ng pagiging CSR ko. Kaya alam ko na hindi talaga mahilig ngumiti si Apollo kahit sa fans. Unless lang siguro pag kasama niya ang team."

"He looked very awkward whenever he's talking to me. Halatang may gustong itanong pero hindi magawa. Lagi akong natatawa sa reaksyon niya kasi mukha talaga siyang nagpipigil. Hanggang sa tinanong niya ako, tinanong niya ako kung saan tayo madalas pumupunta"

"God, tuwing naalala ko 'yun kinikilabutan ako. Hiyang hiya siya nun and that's the first time he asked me a question kaya agad ko siyang sinagot kahit nagtataka!"

"Guess what? I saw him at the library and he's looking at you! from that moment, I knew he likes you. Pero hindi nagtagal, tumigil din siya and I didn't know the reason"

Tumango ako. He already told me the reason.

"And then, you recommended him to me, for my paper," sabi ko

Agad ngumiti nang malaki si Aly at tumango.

"Yeah. I also saw how his attitude changed. Madalas siyang nakangiti sa gym kahit nakikipag-usap lang sa mga kaibigan niya! I always roll my eyes whenever he does that, he really likes you."

"I'm not really close with Apollo, but I always feel his affection and love towards you. Sobrang bait nun sayo, he's not even kind to other girls or to other people. Laging sayo lang."

Pareho kaming nakatingin sa kawalan ni Aly habang nagkwekwento siya. Bigla kong naalala lahat. Biglang tumulo ulit ang luha ko nang palihim. I smiled in despair. He's too kind for me, he's too perfect for me.

"He will always take whatever you can give. He's that type of guy. He's so willing to give his all to you," umiiling si Aly habang nakangiti nang malungkot.

"Kahit hindi sapat. Kahit kulang ang ibigay mo. Even though he doesn't deserve the small affection you are giving to him, tatanggapin niya pa rin," ani ulit ni Aly

Tumingin sa akin si Aly

"And you know what? I think you are not giving him the love he deserves. Kayang kaya mo siya iwan agad, without trying to understand him"

"Pero hindi kita sinisisi ha, I know you a lot. Alam kong ganiyan ka na talaga dati pa. You've been independent for so long and you always thought that you don't need a man and you need to pursue your dreams first"

"But arrange your relationship with him. He has been through a lot, he's probably hurting right now," ani ni Aly at ngumiti ulit bago naunang pumasok sa building ng dorm namin.

****

Dumiretso ako sa Reym at nagsimula na ulit magtrabaho. I missed this, I missed searching and writing news, I missed my paper and pen. Nagsimula na kaming maging abala buong araw, we are currently working on something big right now. I almost skip my lunch buti na lang ay tinawag nila ako. Habang nasa cafeteria ay hindi ko maiwasang tignan ang cellphone ko.

I should text him, right?

Binaba ko ang cellphone at pinanatiling maging busy buong araw. Hindi ko na ulit tinignan ito. Noong hapon ay pinatawag ako ni Ms. Regina, I went there curiously. I saw Ms. Regina on her swivel chair habang nakatapat sa laptop niya. She has an envelope beside her table. I greeted her after knocking on her door.

"Ms. Marqueza," sabi nito at inabot sa akin ang brown envelope.

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko at agad tinanggap 'yun. I parted my lips when I saw what's inside.

"The CEO was so impressed by your performance, specifically he was impressed to the article you wrote about Senator Feliciano. It received a lot of good feedbacks, our company did too."

"He offered you a two year course about journalism in a prestigious school in United States. If you will accept the offer, you'd still be working under me so you'd earn your own salary while studying."

"And after finishing the course, I'll be back here?"

"Yes and you will replace my position or maybe a higher one. I'm planning to move out after two years"

"But only if you want to," she told me seriously.

"You will learn a lot there, you'll improve a lot. That university is considered superior in the whole world"

I gasped to her offer

That's a dream

Ngumiti ako at sinabing sasabihin ko ang desisyon sa kaniya pagkatapos ng ilang araw. Everyone seems so busy when I went out kaya nagpatuloy ako sa ginagawa.

Nang mag gabi ay umuwi na rin ako agad. Hindi na ako nag taxi at nagdesisyon na tahakin ang mahabang ruta. I was walking silenty while looking at the road. Napahinga ako nang malalim. The cold breeze embraces me as if it is comforting me. Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang braso ko para tumigil sa panginginig.

Pagkarating ko sa dorm ay nagulat ako nang makita si Apollo. Nakatayo siya sa entrance at malungkot at seryoso na nakatingin sa 'kin.

God, I miss him

Lumapit ako sa kaniya at siya rin sa akin. I can't even show him a sincere smile because my heart is starting to hurt.

Starting to hurt for him

"Karlette," mahinang sabi niya habang nakatingin nang diretso sa mata ko. Hindi ako makatingin sa kaniya nang maayos.

Inamba niyang hahawakan ang siko ko pero hindi niya tinuloy. He stopped himself from touching me.

"I'm sorry if I showed up... I knew you wanted some space, but I just need to assure something. Then after that I'll go," he said sadly habang nagpapakita ng ngiti na hindi naman totoo.

His eyes look very sad. Hindi siya katulad dati na namamaga, but his eyes now are saying that he's hurting emotionally ang physically. He looks tired.

All because of me.

Napalunok ako. Huminga siya nang malalim bago magsalita, diretso pa rin ang mga tingin sa mata ko.

"Are you fine?" nag-aalala niyang tanong habang sinusuri ang mukha ko. Pagaling na ang mga sugat at pasa kaya hindi na masyadong kita.

Tumango ako

He closed his mouth and nod.

"Okay"

Napapikit ako nang mariin at pinipigilang umiyak. Ang lakas ng kalabog ng puso ko at mas lalong bumibigat habang nakikita ko siyang tumatalikod para umalis na.

He came here just to ask me if I'm already fine.

He didn't ask me if we are still together o kung babalik na ba ako sa kaniya. He was just there... asking me if I'm okay after everything.

"Apollo"