A Walking Dilemma [COMPLETED]

Chapter Fourty Two [42]

"Apollo"

Agad siyang lumingon sa akin. His eyes screams hope. I smiled at him sadly.

I should really talk to him

"Let's talk," ani ko sa kaniya at sinenyasan siya na sumunod sa akin.

I can feel how he is trying to weigh my feelings. Dinala ko siya sa park sa likod ng building namin. It is a children's park. May mga slide sa gilid at swing. Tanging ang lampshade lang ang nagsisilbing ilaw sa madilim na gabi. I sat on the swing and tapped the swing beside me para ituro na roon siya umupo.

Seryoso siyang nakatingin sa akin at umupo rin sa tabi ko. I looked above, the stars are shining brightly from here. We can also feel the cold breeze while glancing at the dark surroundings.

Huminga ako nang malalim at diretsong tumingin sa paligid

"The company offered me a two year scholarship," mahina kong sabi

Naramdaman ko ang pagtingin niya sa gawi ko. I can imagine him smiling. Kasi laging ganun naman, he always loves it pag tungkol sa pangarap ko ang pag-uusapan, pag tungkol sa career ko. He would always supports me... kahit maubos na siya.

"That's a good offer, will you take it?"

Tumango ako

"Yes. The university is in United States, Apollo. I would live there for two years," mahina ko pa ring sabi habang tinatantya ang reaksyon niya.

Tumingin ako sa kaniya at nakita kong nakatingin lang siya sa akin nang seryoso.

"Okay"

Tumigil ako bago magsalita

"I'm sorry," I told him

"I'm sorry if I didn't understand your reason kung bakit mo ako pinipigilan sa pagproprotesta. I was very close minded... I'm sorry if I asked for a space," I told him sincerely

Diretso ang tingin niya sa akin na para niya akong bitawan ng tingin

Lumunok ako bago magsalita. Ang tapang kong tao, pero pagdating kay Apollo parang lagi akong naduduwag.

He wanted to protect me from the danger that the senator can give to me. I will forever appreciate that

"But... I want us to break up now," nakayuko kong sabi.

"No," mariin niyang sabi habang hindi na makatingin sa akin. Nakita ko ang pagtaas baba ng balikat niya.

"No... don't do this to me," ani niya at lumingon sa akin.

His blood shot eyes made me cry. His eyes are too emotional.

Lumapit ako at umupo sa harapan niya. Mas mababa ang tingin niya sa akin at nakatingala ako habang tinitignan siya.

"You don't deserve me, Apollo. I'm too flawed. I only think about myself, I have a different priority... it was easy for me to let you go," mahina kong sabi habang nakatingala sa kaniya at tuloy tuloy ang daloy ng luha.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko nang umiwas siya ng tingin at umiling

"How funny, I was the one who is flawed and not you."

"Ayoko, Karlette. We can have a long distance relationship. Two years isn't long. I can wait for you, kahit ilang taon pa," mahina niyang sabi habang diretsong nakatingin sa akin.

Hinilamos ko ang mukha ko

"Huwag na matigas ulo mo, please. Ayokong makulong ka sa akin ng ilang taon. In 2 years, you can find another woman who is way better than me. You'd be happier by then."

"I want you to be happy. I don't want you to be stuck with me."

"But you're my happiness," hirap na hirap niyang sabi

Umiling ako

"Hindi dapat ganun, Apollo... Dapat ang kasiyahan mo nagsisimula sa 'yo. You can be happy without me"

"Hindi naman kita pipigilan sa pagtupad ng pangarap mo. Why are you breaking up with me? Because you want me to be happy?"

Tumango ako

"Fuck it, I don't want to be happy if I'd just lose you," ani niya habang patuloy na umiiling

"In the right time, makakamove-on ka rin. You will forget about me someday... I'd be just a stranger and a bad memory to you," I told him while smiling sadly.

I don't want to leave him. Ayokong makipaghiwalay. But people are right, I'm hurting Apollo. He deserves someone who will loves him equally, who will put the same effort as he do. Yung siya lang yung priority, yung kaya siyang intindihin pag nagkagulo na at yung ilalaban siya sa dulo.

That's exactly not me

Pinunasan ko ang luha ko at tumingin ulit sa kaniya

"You'd get tire of me if we'll have a distant relationship"

"You know you're wrong... alam mo na kahit mapagod pa ako sa 'yo, hindi kita iiwan. Hindi ako mawawala sa tabi mo," tuloy tuloy niyang sabi

Muli akong umiling

"I want to break up with you," I finally said. Tumayo ako sa harapan niya at totoong pinigilan na ang pag-iyak.

Hindi ko na kayang makita pa siyang masaktan. I've done too much bruises to his heart.

He deserves more than this

"You really do?" he asked. Tumango ako nang matapang at pinagpag ang sarili.

"Fine, let's break up"

Halos manikip ang dibdib ko nang sinabi niya 'yun. I'm a hypocrite. I asked for this, pero ito ako ngayon sobrang nasasaktan dahil sa pagpayag niya.

"But you can't stop me from waiting for you," he told me seriously

Lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ako. Inilagay niya yung noo niya sa akin at diretsong tumingin sa mata ko.

Huminga siya nang malalim

"There's no other girl for me but you, Karlette," seryoso niyang sabi

Umiling ako at halos mapamura kasi mas lalo akong naiiyak. Pagdating kay Apollo lagi akong emosyonal.

"If you want to break up with me, okay. I will respect your choice. Ayokong pilitin ka."

"But I will wait for you. The moment I'll see you again, I'd make sure you'll choose to stay with me"

Kinagat ko ang labi ko. Why is he doing this? Mas mapapadali ang buhay niya pag pumayag siya makipaghiwalay. Hindi na siya masasaktan.

"Pursue your dreams, Karlette. Go, aim high. You have so much potential don't waste it. No one is stopping you... I will always support you, I will always be right here cheering for you even in your lowest points."

"Hindi mo kailangan maghintay," sabi ko sa kaniya

"It's for me to decide, and I chose to wait for you"

Halos hindi ako makahinga. He has always love me. Huminga ako nang malalim and finally

I nod at him.

I once read that true love is hard. It is not easy as counting one to three. There will always be complications, there will be some flaws, there will be a point where you just want to give-up. Kahit nasa tamang tao ka na. There will be a lot of arguments, but if you chose to stay and change your character in handling every bit of it. It will last long.

I was never perfect, I failed to show Apollo how much I love him and it hurts him. But I can change that part of me.

Because if you love someone, you would change for the good. You won't stay to your old character na alam mong nakapanakit ng ibang tao. That's bullshit.

"Okay"

"Okay wait for me. Wait for two years. I would be better when I come back. I want to give you the best version of me, because you have always been giving me yours. You deserve more, Apollo"

"But maybe... I could be more," I told him confidently and giving up to the thought of being away from him emotionally.