Darkness

Talks

"Goodness, Scotty..." Mitch mumbled in shock as he gently pulled his friend up to hug him.

While Scott sat up slowly he bit his lips but once his best friend had wrapped his arms around him he couldn't hold back anymore and broke down. It reminded him of the breakdown he had at the lake house while he had collected clothes for Avi but this time he wasn't alone and buried his face in Mitch's overpriced Balenciaga sweatshirt.

And Mitch didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. He just sat there and held a sobbing Scott, something he had to admit didn't happen often. Usually Scott was the one holding him when he came over for emotional support after another failed date but now the baritone needed a shoulder to lean on.

They sat there for over ten minutes. Scott was by now gripping the fabric of the sweatshirt while his breath hitched every now and then and he slowly calmed down. He had his forehead buried against the side of Mitch's neck and tried to control his breathing while he felt warm hands on his back, rubbing small circles.

"Please talk to Avi, Scott. Thats so, so, so important. He needs to know what's going on inside your head" he began softly and brought his hand up to touch the back of Scott's head. "He needs to know so you can work on a solution together. You are in a relationship, he is your partner and he wants you to be okay just as much as you want him to be okay. To some extent I understand that you feel like you're burdening him by telling him but-"

"But he needs me more. He- I have to be there for him."

"You are. You've been there for him since the beginning and he knows that. But he doesn't know that you have those terrible thoughts that weigh you down and, to be honest, he- Scott, the way you stood there in front of my door- I knew something was up. Avi is oblivious to what is going on and you have to communicate with him just differently than you communicate with me. He can't see you looking like a sad puppy" Mitch mumbled and turned his head just enough to leave a soft kiss on the side of Scott's head. He held him a little tighter. "And it's not your fault that he fell. He is careful in new and unfamiliar surroundings and even though I wasn't there I am sure that he didn't fall because of his disability. He was probably still sleepy and slipped. That could've happened to you, to me, to anyone else."

Scott just sniffled and felt another squeeze that almost made him cry again. It felt so good to be held. Sure, Shelly had tried her best to be there for him but she and Mike had had their hands full with Avi while he had went to work and the woman needed some rest as well. Scott had lied and assured that he had been fine.. Avi had been and still was more important. "Feels good" he whispered.

"Hm?"

"To be held. Thank you."

"Oh Sweetheart..." Mitch's heart broke when he heard Scott say this. "Your feelings matter too and you know that I am always here and ready to listen to whatever is pulling you down. And sure, the happy stuff too. We're best friends, hm?"

"Yeah..."

"Good. Now, I only have tea with caffeine but I can offer you a hot cup of plant based milk with honey?"

Scott hummed in approval but instead of letting go of Mitch he kept holding his sweatshirt. "More cuddles.."

"Okay, then more cuddles. I can arrange that. Would you like to stay the night? I know that you'd rather be home and watch over Avi but I feel like you need some...some distance, Scott. Avi will be just fine, otherwise the doctors wouldn't have allowed him to go home."

"They did horrible things to him in Big Bear...I had never thought that I would see him so- so broken and scared. He panicked so much, and we were so scared that it would affect the swelling and..and-" Scott sniffled, "he slept so much, he was so exhausted...slept all day and didn't understand what we were saying, he just...laid there, high on painkillers and other things..- his eyes, Mitchy. His eyes looked so dead.." His lip started to quiver again and new tears made their way down his sticky, already tear stained cheeks. Scott left out the accident Avi had, on purpose, not wanting to share this intimate detail with Mitch and invade Avi's privacy.

Mitchell nodded slowly. He hadn't been there, he hadn't seen Avi right after the incident but also knew that Scott had probably been pretty traumatized and might have started to experience everything slightly worse than it actually was. "Scott?" the man said suddenly and sat up a little. "As harsh as it sounds - it's in the past. You have to understand that Avi has recovered and, like you said before, bounced back surprisingly well. I get where you're coming from but on the other hand you have to let go of these thoughts and pictures in your head and allow yourself and your man to heal. He's not under the influence of any medication, it's just you and him. Safe at home."

"I know. It's just..it's hard" he said and slowly let go of Mitch. "Thanks..."

"Of course. Always. "I'll go and make you a cup of warm milk with honey."

The baritone hummed before he reached for his phone on the table and sent Avi a short text. Mitch was right, he needed a night to himself and he knew that his boyfriend would understand.

Hi Av, I'm staying with Mitch tonight if that's okay. Please call or text if you need anything, okay? I love you and I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

It didn't take long until Scott received a reply and he couldn't help but smile when he read the message.

Okay, have fun! And tell Mitchie I said hi! Love you too!