Darkness

Communication

Avi was slowly waking up while Scott settled behind him, scooting closer until he was spooning the smaller man. The baritone carefully placed his hand on Avi's side before he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on the spot where he assumed his man's shoulder to be. "I'm back home, Love" he whispered and closed his eyes.

Avriel hummed and touched Scott's hand. "Feels good.."

Scott noticed that he was still sleepy and smiled lightly. He liked Avi's deep morning voice and exhaled while his muscles relaxed and he sunk deeper into the mattress. "Mhm, missed you. Everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything alright. Is Esther still here?"

"She's in the living room, yes." He felt Avi turning in his arms and his free hand lightly patting his chest, up to his neck until he reached his jaw. But instead of accepting the soft kiss that followed Scott turned his head away, feelings his boyfriend's lips on his jaw instead. "I'm sick, Avi...."

"But cuddles?"

"Cuddles are perfect" he mumbled and pressed a soft kiss on Avi's hair. "I-" Scott began hesitantly and sighed.

"Hm?" Avi was against his chest with his hand resting on Scott's ribs, moving his fingers over the fabric of his shirt. "What's on your mind?"

"I snapped at Mitch.."

"Why did you snap at Mitch? What happened?" He pulled away and sat up, until Scott's head was on the same level as his chest.

Scott sighed again, reached out and placed his head against his boyfriend's chest. "He wanted me to stay with him for a little longer so I could rest but I wanted to go home...I wanted to go home so I could be here if you needed something. In case you had a bad night or- or something else happened" the man mumbled. "And I snapped at him because he didn't understand."

The bass frowned and felt for his shoulder, then wrapped his arms around him. "Scotty.."

When the baritone felt Avi's tight embrace he couldn't help but tear up. It felt so good to be held by him, to be surrounded by his warmth and the mixed smell of his coconut conditioner and old spice deodorant after almost two weeks. "I'm sorry" he whispered and then started sobbing. "I'm sorry, Avi."

Avriel held him a little tighter. "Why are you sorry, Scott?" he asked confused and rubbed his back. "Nothing happened, there's no need to be sorry."

"For- for taking you to this stupid Lake house. For not being there when the nurses hurt you, for not staying with you yesterday" he cried and pressed his face against the basses shirt. "I'm sorry!"

The bearded man felt his heart shattering. "No, no no no no no. No. Please, listen to me. Can you do that? Listen to me for just a minute?" Avi' fingers were shaking as he carefully brushed over his boyfriend's head, coming through his hair and rubbing his upper back. He should've known that Scott was blaming himself for everything that had happened, he should've paid closer attention to him and his feelings. Avi suddenly felt horrible and had to swallow. "Scott-"

"You almost died because of me!"

But Avi gave him a tight squeeze. "Listen to me" he said softly and waited until he felt Scott nod on his chest. "You didn't do anything wrong. I loved the Lake house and I fell because I wasn't careful enough. You did the right thing, you called an ambulance and made sure I was okay. You stayed with me until you weren't allowed to be near me, another thing you couldn't control" he said with his voice shaky. Talking about what happened and allowing the memories to flood his head brought Avi to the edge of a panic attack. But he couldn't give in, not now, not when Scott needed him to be there and stay focused.

"I still-"

"I'm not done" Avriel said and kept touching Scott's head while he took a shaky breath. "I am the one who has to be sorry because I never considered how you must've been feeling. I took your support and help for granted and I am deeply sorry for ignoring your feelings." He took a deep breath and quickly wiped away a stray tear that made its way down his cheek. "You can't always be strong, Scott. And I'm sorry for making you feel like you had to be. That was never my intention."

The baritone sniffled and held tighter onto Avi. He appreciated his boyfriend's apology but at the same time he didn't want him to feel bad for focusing on himself while he was healing and going through hell at the hospital in Big Bear. "Please don't feel bad?" he asked and sniffled again. "I don't want you to feel bad.."

"But I do because I should've taken care of you as much as you took care of me. We should've talked more. Promise to share your thoughts with me more often? You tend to...bottle up a lot of what you're feeling and thinking because you feel like you aren't allowed to be vulnerable and weak.."

He raised his head and looked at Avi whose eyes were pointed towards the end of the bed, looking right through Scott. "How do you know?"

"I might be blind but I'm neither stupid nor ignorant. And we've known each other for quite a few years now. You've always struggled with toxic masculinity." His hands moved to Scott's shoulders and gently pushed him back down. "You're sick, you have to rest" Avriel reminded him with a soft smile on his lips and he closed his eyes again. "Let me take care of you for once."

Scott allowed himself to relax, knowing that Avi had gotten a rather full night of sleep and aware of Esther being still there in case something happened. He drifted off in his boyfriend's tight embrace.