Darkness

Thoughts

Avi couldn't sleep. Since they had moved he struggled to make it through the night without waking up at least once, if not twice. Scott was there, yes, and his things were there, too, but he wasn't comfortable enough to sleep for more than a few hours, which worried his boyfriend.

When he woke up at half past five, which his phone quietly told him not to wake Scott, he frowned and patted his way over to the sleeping man to get comfortable against his side. They weren't sharing a simple queen size bed anymore but had treated themselves to a king size, meaning that they both had more space and seemed to slowly drift away from each other during the night.

Scott woke up just a few moments later and automatically pulled his boyfriend closer. "What's wron'" he mumbled sleepily and turned to his side. "Sleep."

"I can't, I'm up and ready to get going."

"No you're not, you're sleepy" he mumbled again and sighed softly. Scott felt for Avi's face and tucked his hair back. His movements were sluggish and uncoordinated since he was still halfway asleep, but Avriel appreciated the gesture and closed his eyes.

"Do you mind if I go for a walk?"

"Yes, absolutely." The baritone opened his eyes and held Avi close. "You're not going without me."

"But you need more sleep.."

"And you don't? No, we just moved here, I'm not letting you out there on your own, especially not when nobody's out there to help" he said and kept moving his fingers through Avi's mane. They had been surviving on naps for the past week or so but Scott noticed that he was getting more irritable and sometimes struggled to focus, especially after the sixth day of both unpacking and keeping Avi out of the way.

Avi sighed. He knew that Scott was right but on the other hand he was desperate to get out in nature and enjoy the crisp morning air. "Backyard then?"

"Okay. Just don't wander off."

While Avi was outside and laid on the grass to enjoy nature against his back Scott pulled the blanket back over his head. He loved him, he really did, but Avi was quite a handful at the moment and he didn't know how long he was able to keep the anger inside of him from spilling. He needed sleep.

Sometimes Scott wished that Avi was able to see, that he would be more independent, that he didn't need the baritone as much as he did. And sometimes Scott caught himself thinking about how life would be without a blind boyfriend who relied on his help. How it would be to just go out without having to worry if Avi had fun or not. How it would be to go on spontaneous vacations, or swimming, or just to the mall to make fun of other people. Scott used to do that with Mitch often.

But no. He loved Avi, blind or not, and loving Avi was very rewarding. The bass gave back a lot, he was there when everyone else was busy, he had a beautiful voice with which he wished him a good night, immediately followed by an "I love you", every single day. He made Scott's favorite dish for dinner, lentil curry, he held him when he needed to be held. But the intrusive thoughts were still there.

To stop them Scott grabbed his phone and scrolled through Instagram, where he stumbled over a picture Kirstie had just uploaded a few hours ago of her on a horse, smiling at whoever had been taking the picture.

An hour later they were sitting at the table and had breakfast. Scott poured Avi a cup of juice and watched him nibble on his everything bagel covered in cream cheese while Scott himself ate yogurt with granola and fruit.

"Can you please stop nibbling on your food?" he asked and pinched the bridge of his nose. Scott felt bad for being annoyed and letting it out on Avi but right now he couldn't change it.

"I'm not nibbling, I'm taking small bites" Avi said and turned his head to Scott.

"You're nibbling and it's taking forever."

The bass stopped, swallowed and put his bagel back down on the plate. "What did I do to you?"

"Nothing."

"You're lying. Why are you so...angry at me? What did I do, Scott?"

The man sighed and looked at his cup of coffee. "You didn't do anything wrong, Avriel. I'm- I need sleep, I'm exhausted. The move was draining and I've tried to keep you out of the way too-"

Avi interrupted him. "I wanted to help.." he said and frowned.

"I know. But you weren't a big help. I am sorry. I know that you tried so hard but...it ended up being more work for me."

"Why didn't you tell me? I would've sat down somewhere to be out of the way" the bass mumbled and then unexpectedly sniffled. He hadn't thought of being extra work during the move because he had been too busy with trying to help. "I'm sorry, Scott."

The baritone sighed softly before he got up and behind Avi to hug him. "You're not the one who has to apologize. I should've talked to you" he mumbled and pressed a soft kiss against his ear. "I should've let you know and next time I'll try to do a better job. Okay? Don't cry." Scott gave him another kiss and held the smaller man until he had calmed down.

"Thank you, Scott."

"Not for that. Now, I have a surprise for you but you have to finish your bagel first."