Darkness

Frustration

"But you are strong enough. You just need to get back on track and allow yourself to rest and recharge. Scott, you did such an amazing job this morning, you were so patient and gentle. And if it hadn't been that bad it would've been enough to help Avi calm down, but he was working himself up and you didn't stand a chance. That's why he needs to go to therapy too, okay? Do you understand?" Mitch ran his hand through Scott's quiff and gently tugged on it.

"I do, yeah...but where am I supposed to start to find someone for us?"

"No, not someone for both of you. You both need your own therapist."

"Can you help us? I feel like I barely have time to breathe, how am I supposed to find two therapists, work, take care of Avi, look for a new house..."

"Yes, of course. I can recommend a few people and then you guys just have to go in and check if they're the right person. But you shouldn't wait another month."

"I know" Scott said and pulled away. He had enjoyed and appreciated the soft touch and was about to say something else when he suddenly heard Avi's voice behind him.

"I'm sorry."

The man turned around quickly and saw his boyfriend standing in the doorway. His hair was all over the place and he held onto the wooden frame.

"Avi-"

"I'm sorry" he said again and tears formed in his eyes. He gripped the wooden door frame harder, afraid to fall as his legs hurt and felt like jello. "I'm sorry for being such a mess. I'm sorry for making you feel overwhelmed and weak. That was never my intention." Right after he said that his knees buckled.

Scott leaped forward to catch him. He held Avi tightly against his chest and brought him to the couch to sit down, but instead of allowing the hug Avriel pushed him away. It was the first time ever that he had denied the touch consciously and knowing how much he usually enjoyed cuddling his reaction broke something inside of Scott.

"Don't touch me" he whispered and sniffled. The man brought his legs up and his knees closer to his chest to hug them before he hid his face and started crying. He wanted to be held, so badly, but then again it hurt to have Scott close, knowing how much trouble Avi had brought to him. He wanted Scott to be happy and hearing what he had just said to Mitch made him realize that Scott wasn't happy. The bearded man still wasn't fully there, his brain was still clouded and the anxiety hangover he experienced had hit him with full force, but he did he only thing he thought would be right. "Go."

"No" the baritone said immediately and looked at Mitch, confused and hurt, then back to Avi who was still sitting there with his arms around his legs. He was shaking like a leaf but when Scott reached out to touch him he flinched and moved away from him, until he was sitting on the other end of the couch. "I'm not leaving. P-Pull yourself together, Avi. I'm sorry if anything Mitch or I have said hurt you or made you feel bad but right now you aren't the person we know. You aren't the Avi I know. You are drugged to the brim, you're lacking sleep, you're dehydrated, your body needs food and until all that isn't sorted out and taken care of I am not leaving."

"Scott" Mitch said and interfered. "He won't understand."

"Then help me make him understand! You're just standing there! Help me!" He begged and quickly wiped away the tears that were running down his cheeks. "Help me, Mitch."

The smaller man stared at Scott. In all of the years they had been friends now he had never seen the baritone this helpless and desperate, not even the day before, and Mitch didn't feel different. He didn't know what to do. "Scott.." he said and stared at him first, then at Avi who was by now curled up on his side, gripping his hair.

"Please..." Scott's voice cracked and he began to sob.

Mitch had called Esther. And Esther came over just fifteen minutes later, which had to be a new record for the route from her to Avi's place. Scott was sitting in the bedroom on the bed by now, away from Avi whose head was resting on Mitch's thigh while he combed through his curls. Usually it would've been Scott's job to help him relax but Mitch had sent him off to give him a chance to calm down, away from the bass.

He filled her in on everything that had happened from the minute she had left the party the day before until now and Esther just nodded and made Avi sit up so she had a chance to pull him close.

Avi inhaled her scent and immediately wrapped his arms around her. Esther was good. Esther was family. Esther always meant safety.

"He's always loopy after a panic attack.." she mumbled. "But it seems as if the ones I have experienced when he was younger weren't as severe as the one he went through yesterday."

"No, they were probably a piece of cake. Maybe it's a good idea to take him to a psychiatric hospital. I doubt that we can find a therapist in just a couple of hours. And even then he won't be better immediately."

Esther shook her head. "I can get in touch with a psychiatrist. The doctors at the hospital he was in after the car accident gave us some recommendations in case he ever needed something for his anxiety. It was really bad when he first woke up and they even gave him some pills but after a few days he refused to take them." She ran her hand over Avi's head and kissed his forehead. "Okay, buddy?"

But Avi didn't reply. He just laid there and stared straight ahead while single tears kept running over his cheeks and disappeared in his beard.

"It probably wasn't the right kind of medication in that situation. I'm not fond of using pills to treat mental disorders but it sounds like the only solution available right now to get him on a level where he is manageable and just...okay enough to handle himself. Can you take care of him? Scott is sitting in the bedroom and I should go and check on him. I think I'll take him to my therapy appointment today."

The woman nodded. "Of course, go ahead. I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"Yes please. Thank you." Mitch gently squeezed Avi's shoulder. "You and Scott will be alright, buddy."