Darkness

Help

While Avi didn't reply he seemed to be trying to focus on the voice of his boyfriend. Scott kept talking and ran his fingertips through the dark curls, careful not to pull, and eventually reached his forehead.

"He feels hot, Mitch. He's still breathing too fast and he- he's hurting. He's in pain."

"Can you get him to sit up? It'll take away the pressure on his chest, if that's the reason why he's having such a hard time breathing. Support his upper body, don't let him slip out of your arms."

"Shouldn't I be taking care of his breathing first?"

"No, if he thinks he's not getting enough oxygen you shouldn't keep him from breathing in any way, even if it's just a paper bag. He's having a panic attack and one of the symptoms is hyperventilation, not the other way around."

Scott nodded hastily. "Yeah, makes sense. One sec, I'll put you on speaker for a moment." He put his phone down and focused on Avi. It broke his heart to see his boyfriend like this, with his eyes wide and filled with fear and hair sticking to his forehead, but Scott had to push his own feelings aside to be there for him. "What do you suggest? Pick him up, have him on my lap?"

"No tight hugs. Keep yourself from hugging him. Maybe his back against your chest, hold him by his hips. If you lean back he can rest his head on your shoulder. Do not hug him, Scott. I know that Avi usually enjoys being held but he's not fully there and you don't want to push him deeper into his anxiety. Do you have any anxiety medication there? Anything his doctor has prescribed?"

"No, as far as I know he doesn't even have pills. And we're at my place, they wouldn't be here." Scott kept touching Avi's hair, now with both hands, and gradually moved down to his upper arms, grazing over his cheeks and his shoulders where he had spotted the fingerprint-like bruises back in the hospital. He moved slowly and gave Avi as much time as possible to get used to the gentle touch until Avi choked back a sob. "Avi? Are you with me?"

Instead of verbally answering him the bearded man just gripped the fabric of the couch. Just then Scott noticed the red lines on the back of his hands and parts of his lower arms, a sign that Avi had been scratching himself to the point where he had broken the skin.

Scott swallowed thickly and forced himself to look away. He didn't have enough time to take care of that now. "Okay, good. Focus, just for a moment. I will hold up your head and pull you up on my lap. No hugs, just...just lean on me."

It was difficult, even for Scott who hit the gym three times a week and was in shape. He had to somehow move his boyfriend who by now felt like a bag filled of water or, as Mitch would've said it, an uncooked spaghetti, and he ended up wrapping his arms around Avi to get him from the couch on his lap.

Avi's whines got louder and he fought against the tight embrace, his breathing picked up again and it seemed as if he just wanted to get away from Scott, but the baritone kept talking.

"Scott" Mitch then said after he had noticed the desperate whining. "Stop rambling. Get the job done and then hands off. Avi is in distress."

"Y-yes" he mumbled. "I just...I want to provide- I want him to be comfy.."

"He can't be comfy right now. He thinks he is dying. Is his breathing slowing down now that he's sitting?"

The baritone carefully guided Avi's head to his shoulder and leaned back enough so he didn't have to hold him or worry that he'd fall over. "No, not at all. Same as before. He is sweating like crazy."

"What else? Is he responding?"

"Avi?" Scott mumbled and carefully brushed some of his hair back. Now that he was so close to him he heard his rapid breathing even louder. It worried him. "Avi, can you-" he sighed. "No, he keeps trashing. For how long can his body handle this?"

"I don't know. Probably not for much longer. You...you should take him to Urgent Care. Not the ER or 911, he won't be a priority there and they'll have him lay in the hallway for hours, away from you. I'm afraid that he won't calm down without proper medication and you can't wait much longer. He might need oxygen as well, I don't know. I've never had such a severe panic attack. Are you guys dressed?"

"Yeah..pjs, that's all."

"I'll be there in five."

Mitch let himself in. He rushed to the living room and felt his heart breaking when he saw Scott on the floor with Avi against his chest. Tears were running down Scott's cheeks and he quickly wiped them away when he noticed Mitch and tried to lightly smile through them.

"Thank you" he said and slowly moved his hands from Avi's hips to his side. "He has calmed down a little..not much, but he doesn't look like he's seizing anymore.." he informed his friend and sniffled. Scott didn't know how he still functioned after seeing Avi going through such a severe panic attack. He wanted to hold him so bad, to hold and hug him, to help him calm down, but he was helpless and forced to watch. The man somehow managed to get up and carry his boyfriend to the car, then he got in next to him, buckled and gently guided the basses head to rest on his shoulder.

The cool leather against his damp clothes seemed to help Avi to slowly pull himself out of his thoughts. He was confused as to why it was suddenly cold against his back and it wasn't as soft anymore, but the lack of oxygen and his pained muscles made it hard for him to stay with Scott and Mitch. Since he couldn't grip the leather seats he felt for whatever was closest to him, which ended up being Scott's shorts and he squeezed the fabric as tight as possible.

The baritone wanted to let Avi know he was there and attentive but then he remembered the open skin again and went for his knee instead. "We're getting help, Avi. Hang in there, just a few more minutes. Deep breaths."

"Help" he whispered in between gasps and he slowly pressed his forehead against Scott's shoulder. Avi was drained.

"Yeah, help" Scott said softly and tucked a strand of hair behind his boyfriend's ear. He was relieved to see Avi responding. "Just hang in there, buddy."