Tears, Mistakes & Heartache

Chapter 4 - She is back

I pace back and forth across the floor of the flat grateful for the open plan living area giving me more space to cover, she is back my girl is back on home soil and still she hasn't made contact I just want to hear something from her right now even if it's just her walking through the door slapping me and heading into the bedroom to ignore me for the next month I wouldn't care if she was ignoring me then if I could just see her, hear her voice or her laugh, is she even laughing or have I stolen that from her too with my selfishness.

I have been bugging the shit out of Ivy for days trying to find out if she knew when she was coming back, if she was going to be at the white party and if she had spoken to her at all. Ivy had repeatedly told me that she couldn't tell me anything, professionally she couldn't tell me if Emme had spoken to her about any jobs or the party but morally as her friend she wouldn't tell me anything either as in her words I am an ass who just fucked up the best thing I would ever have.

As if I didn't already fucking know that!

Freddie and Anton keep telling me that the girls haven't heard from her, Elle said she hasn't heard from her either and even Brandon claims to have not had contact with her since she left but I'm not so sure he is telling me the truth even if he swears they fell out before she wet Greece.

I tried to contact everyone from the agency that she new but of course they had all heard about Ava and vowed that even if they did know they wouldn't tell me, the guys are still talking to me but they are remaining loyal to Em at the same time, the girls however are ignoring me but they made sure I new exactly what they thought of me first, I guess they did warn me back before Christmas and I did go against what I had told them and mess around with her several more times.

I just want to know where she is and how she is!

All I want is to know her plans, is she coming back here or are we selling? Is she with that little dick head now or is there still a chance for us?

I just need answers and I know I don't deserve them I know its all my fault and I deserve every moment of silence every headache from the stress and every therapy appointment from the injury to my brain because of what I did to her but my heart aches so much I can still barely eat I wake up in cold sweats as I dream about her opening that god damn envelope and being greeted by those awful photos and that sly letter Ava sent her.

I have nightmares about him touching her body and I wake up angry that she is moving on so fast from me, didn't I mean anything to her? But then I realize I have no right to ask that question or to be angry after everything I have done.

I watch her Instagram account waiting for her to upload something or for him to add a photo even if it makes me feel sick to my stomach that she is spending time with him at least his uploads are keeping me fed with content of her beautiful face, I just want anything right now.

I just need to know if she is in London still or are they on there way here? Fuck what if they are coming here? I cannot face them both together when I see her for the first time since this happened especially not here in our home, my heart could not take it.

Your heart deserves it dick head! Fuck my thoughts are really roasting me today!

I jump out of my skin as my phone starts vibrating across the kitchen worktop, my eyes widen as Titan looks down at it "it's Ivy" he says holding it up, my feet are stuck to the floor I can't move I know she will just be calling about tomorrow but what if she has news on Em what if she is going to tell me she is going to be there and she is bringing him as her date.

Noticing that I am frozen he answers it for me giving me chance to recover from my mini silent freak out "Hey Ivy its Ti" his voice is far to cheery for first thing in the morning "hang on a second I will try to find him" he buts her on hold so he can cuss me out