Love Conquers All (COMPLETED)

Chapter 9

REALIZATION

Three months have passed yet Mew still couldn't move on from what happened. He blamed his self for being shameless. So shameless that even his best friend starting to act cold towards him. He can still remember the last argument they had. 

'are you turning your back to me Run? Will you leave me just like everyone else did?'

'No, i'm not. If i really want to leave you, you wouldn't see me right here!'

'then why? why are you acting like that?'

'Mew, i'm just your secretary like what you always say'

'no, for God's sake Run, talk to me seriously? will you? or else i'll end up as crazy as a madman in the street'

'fine, i'm not avoiding you, i'm avoiding what you might do'

'will you please stop running around the bush and tell me everything. Every reason you have for doing this to me.'

'Mew, i'm avoiding you from involving yourself into my business...'

'since when do you want to put boundaries between us Run? since when? we've been best friend for many years and you're now telling me that?'

'yes Mew, I am. Coz I'm afraid that one day, you'll expose my darkest secrets and my painful past'

'How come Run? How can you judged me just like any body else. You know me out of many people, you know doing that is beyond me. How..'

'Yes Mew, that's what I knew about you, I feel so stupid for believing that all these years I know you. Do you have any idea how I felt when you touched Gulf's personal file. I was so afraid that you'll do the same to me. You know how afraid i am to look back at my past. You know that. that's why i'm doing this. I asked Mr. Suppapong about Gulf few weeks after what happened. Gulf was a mess, he stopped going to work he's not working from home either, he's not talking to them. He stopped going out. Mew, try to imagine what you've done. I feel so bad for him. So bad, but I can't stop myself from worrying, what if you'll do the same to me? what will I do? I don't have anyone Mew, I only have you but the fact that you might expose how dark my past was, it's driving me insane. You know that everyone has their own darkest secrets and you have that too. You know how it feels yet you did that to Gulf, You know you shouldn't. I'm trying to understand you but i just can't. I'm  running out of reasons to understand you coz you're not even telling me what's going on with you'

' i was just...' he can't continue what he's saying.

'you were just what Mew? if you can't tell me, then maybe just treat me as your plain secretary. I'll rest from being your friend until you'll be able to open up. Until when? until you want to stop this. I fucking feel so useless being your friend. And I know, you know what I mean'

Mew sighed. He can't tell Run why, he can't tell him that what he did was a result of jealousy. Yes, he knew that he's falling for Gulf but he couldn't accept it. He couldn't accept that he's falling for a man. So, he tried the best he can to stop what he feels. He just didn't notice that by stopping what he feels. He'll explode. He just accepted that fact few weeks after Gulf left the company.It would be easier for him if he'll just tell Run about what he feels but he shouldn't. Run knows why everyone left him, it's because of his attitude. He's too aggressive, too possessive and too serious when it comes to love. But these things would often lead to bigger problems, he can't control his self specially when he's jealous, he would hurt anyone unintentionally, even those people he loves the most. Even he himself can't accept that, four years ago when he found out that his girlfriend was cheating he almost kill them. After that Run seek psychological help for Mew, he thought that this might be the result of his violent and painful environment during childhood years. But the doctors said it's just his insecurities.Insecurities that he still possess even until now.  He's always insecure yet he longs assurance and that will make him more aggressive.

Assurance that he couldn't get from Gulf, He didn't make a move on Gulf and yet he can't control his self. After he accepted the fact that he has feelings for Gulf he hired an investigator to find information about Gulf. He found out what happened to him and his boyfriend six years ago. Tharn was a lead vocalist of a famous local band back then, but he left entertainment industry and leave with Gulf but died because of cancer after two years of being together. He has doubt about who is Techno, he only knows that Techno was Tharn's best friend other than that there's no other information about him as he left the Thailand after few months of Tharn's death. He do know that Gulf and Techno left Thailand together.

He always have this doubt in his mind 'If women can't be trusted, how much more for men. specially a man who was once head over heals in love with a dead guy. Seeing Gulf's reaction during that time only shows that he's still in love with his deceased boyfriend' 

That is the reason why he's not making a move on Gulf. He can't accept the fact that his rival is dead. 

He envy Tharn, he's jealous of him because of the fact that there's someone who could love him unconditionally even until death. A love from Gulf that he couldn't have. He's trying to forget what he feels because he knows it's just a one-sided feelings.

'what if i'll make a move on him? what if i actually have a chance? what if he can forget Tharn because of me? what if we can be together? how does it feel to be loved by Gulf Kanawut? How does it feel to love and to be loved truly? 

he always have these questions in mind but he knows that the only one thing to answer and end these doubts is to give it a try. 

But he can't. He's afraid. He's afraid that he'll lose his self because of love. He's not that brave to take a risk and discover the wonder of the world so called love.

' I like you Gulf, but don't worry you can stay in your world safe and i'll leave here in my world. Continue living in a world full of darkness. I'm just afraid, afraid that if i'll love you deeply, i'll give you everything. I'm afraid that I couldn't get anything from you. I'll surely lose myself'

PS. This story is too complicated, lots of side stories including their stories in the past, family and love life both happy and painful moments. Don't worry these complications will surely justify the title at the end. Stay tuned,,

lovelots

Yours truly, indayellie