Markiplier Ego Oneshots

Livin' La Vida Loca- Darkstache

Art by cinnamon-grump. I strive to have the dynamic partners in crime vibes that Dark and Wilford have!

Sorry about all the Darkstache content. Actually, I'm not sorry, I just really love these two and they're one of my main ego ships. But do you know what I like even more? One sided Darkstache with a pining Dark while Wilford's blissfully unaware and getting into relationships and affairs with every other person so Dark painfully watches for centuries because he knows that Wilford doesn't return his feelings so he does his best to be Wil's friend instead and make him happy that way. Like wow, painfully a mood, amirite? Also, friends (really old friends) to lovers trope? That's the good shit right there. Also, if you can't already tell, I love the theme of old photographs.

Tell me, are you the Dark or Wilford in a relationship/friendship? I'm basically Dark (I wear trenchcoats instead of suits, but I'd love to wear suits if I had any that fit) and Wilford's kinda my type in real life so I project onto them a lot. Applications are open for anyone interested in being my Wilford, more details to follow haha jk lol... unless...

Warnings: mild language, blood mention, knife and gun mention, murder mention, crime

The door to the Mayor's office slammed open, the chittering voice of his secretary calling from outside. "Sir, he's back again!"

The Colonel entered.

The broad smile on his face was partially hidden by his bushy black mustache. Damien sighed with a knowing yet somewhat weary smile. William plopped down onto the Mayor's desk and shimmied a bit on top of the once-neat pile of papers.

"Damien! So nice to see you again, it's been a while, hasn't it!" the Colonel exclaimed, as if he didn't invade the Mayor's workplace a few days before.

"What did you do this time, old friend?"

"Oh, you caught me there, you know me all too well! I just need a teensy, tiny favor. Hey, don't look at me like that! It's not that bad, I swear! I was being my usual self an' I might've got some charges placed for 'disturbing the peace'," he drawled with air quotes and an over the top eyeroll, "as if that's a real offense or something. Now, I'm not going to go into the minute details of what happened –trust me, you don't want to hear it, at least not now- but if you could, y'know, do somethin' about it, I would be much obliged."

Damien sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and sinking further back into his chair. He then looked around as if checking for any eavesdroppers. Satisfied with this assessment, he glared up at William with as much authority as he could muster.

"You are aware that this is illegal, yes? I cannot keep breaking the law for you, I'm the Mayor," the Mayor hissed.

"I know, I know," the Colonel replied impatiently, "but I can't not keep breaking the law!"

"That much is certain."

There was a pause as William stared at Damien with what could only be called puppy dog eyes. The Mayor had no idea how such a burly mustached man was able to pull off the cutesy look, but somehow he made it work. Damien thought that he'd become impervious to it after having to deal with it for the past several decades. Apparently not.

"Only because you're dating my sister," the Mayor surrendered. He sighed again for what felt like the fiftieth time that day, leaning forwards and resting his elbows on the desk. William laughed with a faraway look in his eyes.

"She'd rip my heart out if she knew I was getting' her little baby brother to cover for me," the Colonel said fondly, "Many thanks, I owe you one! Actually, it's probably a lot more than one now. Y'know, you're my 'friends in high places', not just because you're an all-important mayor, I mean it literally; you're a real-life angel that's too nice for his own good!"